


wasteland, baby! i'm in love, i'm in love with you

by saddergaze



Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: 3+1, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, F/M, M/M, Misunderstandings, idiots to lovers, lots of misunderstandings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:42:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 55,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22018762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saddergaze/pseuds/saddergaze
Summary: Three times Matteo and David made wrong assumptions about each other, and one time they didn't.
Relationships: Matteo Florenzi/David (Druck)
Comments: 106
Kudos: 176





	1. he can't be real.

**Author's Note:**

> hello, it's me! i'm here to spam the tag with more of my shitposing in fic form. i promise this time, i'll finish it! i've written most of it, so yeah, i just need to edit some of the chapters and they will be ready! i really hope you would like the idea and you would want to read this, since i'm very excited to post it! i wanted to thank you for all the nice comments on my old fics, they were really one of the best parts of my year! so, hopefully, you would also be interested in this! i know i said i'll post a oneshot, buuuut there are a lot of pov switches and it would get confusing, i think. also my original idea was a lot more angst-y, but then i realised, hey life is terrible anyway, i want at least my boys to be happy! so it's a bit different from the original fic
> 
> this is going for too long asdfghj i'm sorry, i hope you like this!
> 
> title is from wasteland, baby! by hozier

_He can't be real._

Matteo stumbled into his house, swearing quietly when he saw that the lights were on. Fuck. His father was home. He fumbled a bit with his suitcase, trying to drag it quietly to the stairs leading to his room, but that was almost impossible in the state he was in. Everything was blurred around him. It was also dark, because he was still wearing Franco’s dumb sunglasses. He supposed he could just take them off. Yeah, that was a good idea.

But, just as he let go of the handle of his suitcase, it started leaning forward. _Shit._ He tried to reach out and catch it again, but it was too late. It fell on the floor with a loud thud. Matteo swore again and leaned down to pick it up, hoping his father was too busy and hadn’t heard the noise. But, because of the intoxicated state he was in, he lost his balance and fell down, on top of his suitcase, hitting his chin in the process.

“Matteo?”, he heard a familiar feminine voice above him. He pushed himself, so he could sit, not having the energy to stand up yet. When he looked up, he saw a woman standing on the staircase, looking at him with a mixture of surprise and concern. She was dressed elegantly, a purse was pressed between her forearm and waist, while she was trying to put on an earring. “Are you okay?” she asked.

But, Matteo didn’t really hear her. He kept staring at her wondering what the fuck she was doing in his home.

“What happened?” his father emerged from the living room, holding a small boy in his arms. He stopped once he saw Matteo sitting on the floor.

“Matteo?”, his father was also surprised. Matteo looked at the boy in his arms, and then turned again towards the woman in front of him, but his father continued talking, “When did you get here? I thought you were coming home next week.” But, of course he did. It wasn’t like he had ever cared about Matteo’s whereabouts.

Matteo ignored him. He thought this might be a drug-induced hallucination. If it was, it wasn’t a fun one.

He missed the way his father looked towards the woman as he gently put down the boy in his arms. Then, he took a few steps towards Matteo, reaching out to help him stand up. Matteo didn’t take the hand that was offered to him, but he did stand up, stumbling a bit.

“Uh, I was planning on telling you once you came back”, his father was now in front of him, next to the woman and the boy that was clutching her skirt, “You know how I told you I had a surprised for you?”

Matteo didn’t know. He had talked probably twice with his father while he was in Italy, and he was sure that he was high out of his mind both of the times.

“Well”, his father looked nervous, “this is it. I asked Sylvia and Leo to come live with us”. His father smiled. Sylvia also smiled. Leo, the little boy now hiding behind his mom, was the only one that had the common sense not to smile at him.

“No fucking way”, Matteo thought. But, judging by the shocked look on Sylvia’s face and the frown of his father, he had said that out loud.

“Matteo-”, he didn’t want to hear what his father was about to say, he turned around and left through the door again.

Matteo wanted to go back to Franco’s place, but as he waited at the bus stop he remembered Franco wasn’t home. He was at Vicky’s. Matteo crossed the street to get the bus in the opposite direction.

Franco had invited him to come to the stupid party. The occasion was that Hans was moving out… or Vicky’s new roommate… or something. But, Matteo didn’t want to party, at all. He was exhausted from the flight. Still, he didn’t want to be at home now, though.

He could hear the music from where he was standing on the first floor. Vicky lived on the third. He took a deep breath and walked up the stairs. He didn’t bother with knocking. Just as he opened the door, a half-naked boy ran past him, and threw up in one of the flowerpots set on the staircase. Matteo looked into the apartment. It was dark and the music was loud. Not to mention the amount of people that were in there. He made his way in, pushing and shoving random strangers that were dancing around him. He recognised some of them – there was a girl with blue hair, wearing a neon yellow dress, that was Vicky’s ex, two boys were making out in the corner, Vicky once had a project with them. He spotted Andi, Hans’ ‘not-boyfriend’, chatting with some people on the couch. He looked around carefully. If Andi was here, that meant that Hans was somewhere close-

“Butterfly!” someone yelled behind him. Matteo turned around, trying to look annoyed as Hans wrapped his hands around his waist and lifted him. He then pressed a kiss to his cheek, and Matteo smiled, despite his effort to lean away from him, “I didn’t know you were coming!”

“Surprise?”, Matteo shrugged and Hans laughed. It was nice to see him actually.

“Matteo, baby!”, Vicky appeared right in front of him. She wasted no time in hugging him, squeezing tight, “Franco said you weren’t going to come!”.

“I wasn’t”, he said, but she hadn’t heard him.

“Whatever, let’s do shots!”, she took his hand and started pulling him towards the kitchen, where he could see Franco and three other people were talking.

Matteo met Vicky two years ago, when she worked as his father’s assistant. At first, he did his best to avoid her. He didn’t really know why. At that point of his life he avoided everything that had to do with his father.

But, one day, his father had some guests over, some important people, as he had said. Matteo, though, had tried to sneak out. He usually went out from the door that was in the kitchen, and that was where he was headed. He put a joint behind his ear, and took out his phone to text Jonas, while walking towards the kitchen. Just as he passed the living room, the door opened, startling him. He looked at the person. Vicky was staring back at him, surprised. But, she quickly gathered herself. She zeroed on the joint behind his ear. Before he could do anything. She reached out and took it, hiding it in her bra. He was about to protest, but then he heard his father’s voice.

“Oh, Matteo, come in, I was just talking about you”, Matteo really didn’t want to do that.

“Just come say hi, I’ll say you have to go after five minutes”, Vicky whispered to him, as she grabbed his hand.

And, she did. After he introduced himself, Vicky said he had plans, and couldn’t stay. She even gave him his weed back, when they left the living room.

“Thank you”, he said, a bit unsure. She smiled and winked at him.

“No problem”.

And, the rest was history. They were inseparable after that. He started talking more and more with her. She was friendly and very affectionate, which he found a bit weird at first. She always seemed ready to help him with anything, or she would always try to cheer him up when he was feeling down, always listening to what he wanted to say. She even helped him when he was arguing with his father.

He didn’t get it.

“You don’t have to be my babysitter”, he had said once, while eating from the cake she had made just for him, after he had offhandedly said he was craving something sweet the day before.

“I’m not your babysitter”, Vicky smiled.

“But, you keep doing shit like this?”

“I just want to”, Matteo scoffed. It really was weird.

“Why?”

“You just remind me of someone”, she ruffled his hair with a small, sad smile on her face.

He didn’t know how much he had drank, but it didn’t matter. He didn’t remember why he was at Vicky’s in the first place, but he didn’t care. All he cared about was the way Franco was pressed up against him, grinning in his neck.

“Hey”, Franco’s face was closed to his. He cupped Matteo’s face, bringing him closer. Instinctively, Matteo leaned back. Franco looked at him, amused. Oh, right. Nobody cared about this here. That was why he liked hanging out with Vicky’s friends. That was why he kept avoiding his own friends. He leaned in and kissed Franco. He felt him pushing something in his mouth with his tongue. After a couple of seconds they broke apart, grinning.

“You are welcome”, Franco had said, while slightly tapping his cheek.

Matteo must have blacked out after that, because he remembered nothing. There were some vague images, somewhere deep in his mind, of how he was being pushed into a room, and onto a bed, but he didn’t know what happened after that.

What he did know was that he was still dreaming. It was a strangely realistic dream. He was dreaming that he had woken up and that his head hurt – that was the realistic part. The thing that made him realise he was still dreaming was the fact that the most gorgeous boy he had ever seen in his life was staring down at him, with a scowl on his very, very attractive face.

“Do you”, the boy spoke up, and shit, his voice was very nice, too. He looked at somewhere next to Matteo and then back at him, “mind?”

Matteo was confused, but it was alright, dreams never really made sense. He was about to ask if this boy was an angel, because holy shit, no real person could look like this. Deep brown eyes, strong jaw, nice lips, the cutest nose he had ever seen. Wait, wasn’t there a theory that every person you see in your dreams, was actually someone you’ve met in your real life? Matteo knew that it wasn’t true. He would never forget someone looking like this.

Shit, the boy had been talking to him.

“Uhm”, whatever he wanted was forgotten, because suddenly he felt very sick. He leaned down, his head poking out of the bed, and promptly threw up right on the boy’s shoes.

“Fucking hell”, Matteo heard the boy swear.

Matteo woke up and he immediately wished he hadn’t. His head was killing him, his mouth felt dry and everything hurt. He also felt cold, because someone had left the window open, and the room smelt like bleach. He slowly got up and took in his surroundings. He knew he was in Hans’ room, or at least it used to be Hans’ room. Now, there were drawings taped on the walls, art supplies shoved into a corner, there was also a desk? Whatever, Matteo didn’t have the strength to think about all of this new information. He carefully got up, rubbing his face with his hands. He pinched the bridge of his nose, hoping it would make the pain go away, but to no avail. He spotted his phone on the floor next to the bed and mentally prepared himself for the fact that he had to bend down and pick it up.

He didn’t bend down, not trusting himself with such difficult movements. He decided to lower himself down and sit on the floor, pick up his phone and get up again.

However, once he was on the floor, he saw a sketchbook under the bed. He knew he shouldn’t be nosy, but he was curious. He liked the drawings he had seen on the wall. Besides, wasn’t art usually for show? Before he could even reach out to take the sketchbook, the terrible sound of scratching on the door made him wince in pain. Fuck, no.

He got up and made his way to the door. He opened it and looked down. Vicky’s demonic cat was staring back at him in distaste. It honest to God fucking scowled at him, as if it was disappointed to see him, and turned around, strutting towards the kitchen. Matteo followed it with a deep sigh.

“Oh, you are up. About time”, Matteo didn’t even try to hold back the groan he let out when he saw who was in the kitchen. It was too early to deal with the damn cat and her. The blonde woman looked up from her book, her sharp green eyes filled with judgement.

“It’s good to see you, too”, she didn’t even smile at him as she said it.

Elizabeth was probably the bitchiest girl he had ever met. She was also, to Matteo’s utter disbelief and misery, the love of Vicky’s life. He seriously couldn’t understand what she saw in her. This woman was the walking embodiment of arrogance and bitchiness. 

The first time he met Elizabeth was at the beginning of the year. He and Vicky were sitting in a café, where they were supposed to meet up with her. He had already heard a lot of things about this girl from Vicky. Apparently, she was from England, from a very posh family or something. She was a friend of a friend or something and had made three people cry yesterday when she and Vicky were hanging out.

Matteo didn’t like her. He didn’t like people who were mean for no reason. The fact that she was late was making him dislike her even more. But, Vicky spoke about her as if she was the best person in the world.

As they waited, they talked about Matteo’s upcoming trip to Italy.

“I can’t believe I won’t see you this summer”, Vicky whined as she leaned her chin on the tall glass, pouting. Matteo shrugged, smiling a bit. He was also going to miss her. He was about to say just that, when a high pitched squeal interrupted him. Both he and Vicky turned towards the counter, where a girl was screaming at the cashier for taking so long with her drink. There was a boy next to her, holding her hand, trying to get her to quiet down. His face was red, clearly embarrassed. But, that didn’t stop the girl. She only shut up, when another girl behind her spoke up.

“I’m sorry, love,” she started and the girl turned to her. She had an accent, Matteo realised, “But, you aren’t pretty enough to act like this”, she said, then she looked at the cashier, who looked close to tears, “One mochaccino, please”.

Matteo rolled his eyes and turned to Vicky, so they could continue their conversation, but he was stopped by the literal heart-eyes Vicky was making at this girl. Then, it clicked. He looked at the girl again, she was looking out of the window, bored. She had long blonde hair, her green eyes were accentuated by the sharp eyeliner she had on. She was dressed in a short pink dress, and was wearing bright red heels, that matched her bag and lipstick.

She also had the meanest bitch face he had ever seen.

“That’s her? Elizabeth?”, Matteo asked, shocked. Vicky nodded, while still looking at her. The girl that threw the tantrum spoke, which made Matteo turn towards them again. 

“Excuse me-”, but she couldn’t finish. Elizabeth looked at her in the most patronizing way possible – one perfectly plucked eyebrow raised and a small frown on her bright red lips.

“Why are you talking to me?”, she asked. The other girl opened her mouth again, but she couldn’t say anything, as the boy started pulling her towards the exit.

Matteo knew he wouldn’t like her.

“Seriously?”, he asked Vicky. She grinned and nodded again.

“I’m so gonna date her”, she said, cockily, as she looked at Elizabeth again. Matteo frowned.

“Does she think she is better than everyone else?”, Matteo asked. That was the kind of vibe he got from her. Everything about this girl screamed arrogance.

“Yes”, a voice behind him said, “because I am”. Elizabeth made her way next to Vicky. She reached out her hand towards him, “You are Matteo, right? I’m Elizabeth. It’s nice to meet you”, she said in the most unfriendly way possible.

“Vicky said you needed to talk”, Elizabeth spoke again, looking back at her book, “But, she had to go out for a bit. She’ll be back shortly.”

Matteo realised that there was a plate that had pancakes on it on the table. His stomach grumbled.

“Is that for me?”, he asked, but he sat down, before she could answer.

“I’m not eating them, am I?”, Elizabeth answered, bored.

Matteo rolled his eyes and started eating. Then, it caught up to him.

“Wait, where is Vicky?”

“Which part of ‘she went out for a bit’ did you not understand?”

Vicky’s cat, Lucifer, gracefully hopped on Elizabeth’s lap. He thought he saw the corner of her mouth lifting, as she put her hand on the cat’s head. Of course, it was probably his imagination. The likes of Elizabeth didn’t feel or, god-forbid, show any human emotion except disdain or smugness.

Lucifer purred.

Matteo ate slowly, savouring every bite. He felt a bit better. He was afraid he would throw up, but his hunger was bigger that his fear.

He heard someone unlocking the door. Lucifer hopped off Elizabeth’s lap and made its way towards the door.

“Baby, hello!” he heard Vicky greet happily. After a couple of minutes, Vicky appeared in the kitchen smiling brightly, holding the cat in one hand and the bags of groceries in the other. Elizabeth closed her book, got up and went to the sink, pouring a glass of water.

“Well, I will be going”, she glared one last time at Matteo, as she pushed the glass of water towards him. She took out some painkillers and put them next to the glass. _What is her problem?_

“Thank you so much for taking care of Lucy”, Vicky walked over to her and kissed her cheek, “And, for keeping an eye on him”.

To Matteo’s surprise, Elizabeth did smile. It was a tiny, private smile directed only to Vicky. She glanced back at him and scowled immediately, as if she was mad he caught her smiling.

“I’ll see you later, yeah?”, Elizabeth asked as she was walking towards the door.

“Of course”, Matteo heard Vicky say after they had left the room.

He had just finished eating. He leaned back on the chair, holding a two painkillers in his palm. He quickly swallowed them, chasing them down with water. He looked around for the coffee maker, craving some coffee. He spotted it on the counter, but Vicky had already came back.

“Coffee?”, she asked. Matteo nodded. Vicky poured a cup for him and for her, and sat down opposite him on the tiny kitchen table. She smiled as she passed him the cup.

They spent a few minutes just drinking, not talking. Matteo had stolen a couple of glances towards Vicky, but she was staring down the table, a contemplative look on her face.

“How are you never hungover?”, Matteo spoke up, because the silence was making him feel uncomfortable.

“One of my many talents”, she answered as she took out a pack of cigarettes, offering one to Matteo and putting one in her mouth. Matteo thanked her when she passed him her lighter, after she had lit her own cigarette.

“So”, Vicky said after a few more seconds of silence, “How was your trip?”

“It was fine.”

“How’s your mom?”

Matteo smiled.

“Doing better, now.”

Vicky smiled back at him, “I’m glad.”

“Yeah”, Matteo answered, distracted. He concentrated on the smoke between them.

Vicky took a deep breath, “I heard Franco was also in Italy.”

Matteo scratched his head and then rubbed his face, “Yeah, he was.”

“And?”, he didn’t get why she was doing this. It wasn’t like she didn’t suspect anything.

“We hooked up”, he mumbled. Vicky didn’t say anything.

“Franco, really?”, she grimaced after a few minutes. Matteo snorted. This was why he liked talking to Vicky. She knew how to always lighten up any situation.

“Yeah”, not one of his proudest moments, but desperate times, desperate measures.

“You might want to do something about that”, she pointed at her neck. Matteo felt himself blushing as he covered his own with his hands.

“Fuck, I told him not to do it.”

“Yeah, but he’s an asshole.”

“He is”, Matteo agreed.

“Was it worth it?”, Vicky asked, a bit sad. But, all he could do was just shrug. He hadn’t thought of Jonas when he was with Franco, but now that he was back in Berlin… He dreaded the day he had to go back to school.

At first he thought he was just curious. That those feelings he had for his best friend were born out of curiosity. He supposed he should have known better, after he ruined Jonas’ relationship and lost his best friend, that it wasn’t just curiosity.

Vicky just smiled at him and ruffled his hair affectionately. It got quiet between them, but there was something that was bothering Matteo, and he desperately wanted to change the subject.

“So”, he smirked, “Things with Elizabeth worked out?”. Vicky had avoided the question multiple times when they texted.

Vicky sighed.

“No, they didn’t”, she rested her face on her palm, pouting, “Also, it’s really weird you call her Elizabeth.”

“She would literally strangle me if I address her any other way”, Vicky snorted and shook her head.

“Don’t you have school today?”, she asked.

“Stop changing the subject. What’s up with you two?”

Vicky sighed yet again, “She has a boyfriend.”

“What.”

“Yeah”, Victoria whined, lying her head on the table, “It’s a shame, but what can you do?”

“But, that had never stopped you before?”

“Hey!”, Vicky reached out and pinched his shoulders, “I can’t help I’m irresistible.”

Matteo snorted and rolled his eyes.

“But, she’s not interested in me”, Vicky straightened up on her chair, “Whatever, she’s a great friend”, it was obvious it was bothering her. She had liked Elizabeth for a while, but Matteo decided he wasn’t going to push.

“Seriously, don’t you have school today?”, she asked as she got up.

Matteo finally took out his phone, turning it on. After a couple of seconds it started buzzing with different notifications. Well, most of them were from the same group chat. He tapped the chat and scrolled up, just to see what his friends were up to.

**ok.cool**

(10:24) abdi: momo pls let me copy your math hw

(10:24) abdi: i totally forgot about it, dude pls

(10:24) abdi: pls Schmitt is going to tear me apart pls

(10:25) carlos: you can copy mine

(10:25) abdi: did u do it on ur own

(10:25) carlos: uh yea?

(10:26) abdi: then no

(10:26) carlos: rude

(10:26) jonas: you can copy mine, abdi

(10:26) jonas: i copied it from david, it’s correct

(10:27) abdi: i love you

Matteo chuckled. He scrolled down, not really paying attention to the texts, until a message caught his eye.

(12:45) mohammed: Are you guys in the mood for burgers now?

(12:45) abdi: always

(12:45) carlos: what kind of a question is that

(12:47) mohammed: We can go to that place Matteo likes.

(12:49) jonas: speaking of Luigi

(12:52) abdi: when is he coming back :(

(12:55) mohammed: Tomorrow. :(

(12:56) jonas: :(

(12:56) carlos: :(

(12:56) abdi: we miss you luigi come back :( @matteo

(12:57) mohammed: Yeah, come back :(

(12:57) jonas: we miss youuuuu

(12:58) carlos: come baaaaaack

Warmness flooded over Matteo as he read the messages. He really did miss those idiots. Lately, he had been too much in his own head to properly keep in touch with them.

“Matteo”, Vicky poked his cheek, snapping him out of his thoughts.

“What?”

“School? Aren’t you going?”

Matteo glanced back at his phone. It was two pm.

“Nope”, he answered, “I think I’ll go home.” As he said that he remembered the reason he had left his home in the first place, “Fuck.”

“What?”, Vicky was pouring herself another cup of coffee. She asked him if he wanted another one, but he shook his head.

“Sylvia and Leo are moving, uh, they moved in with us”, he sighed. But, he wanted to go home. He wanted to crash on his own bed and sleep for the rest of the week.

“No way!” Vicky yelled, and he winced, “When did that happen?”

“Don’t know”, Matteo got up, “It’s really weird.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay? I can skip my lectures and we can just chill here?”, she was now standing in front of him. He realised he had gotten taller than her, which made him feel weird.

“Uh, no, thanks”, he said, “it’s fine”, it wasn’t, but he was too tired to fight it. Fortunately, Vicky didn’t push him further.

“Do you want me to drive you home?”

Matteo felt nauseous just thinking about it. Vicky was a terrible driver. He could barely take riding with her when he wasn’t hungover, that was out of the question.

“Fuck, no”, he grimaced and she slapped his shoulder.

As he got ready to leave, Matteo remembered something. He felt himself blushing at the thought of what had happened during the night.  
“Vicky”, he said, and she turned to him, “Yesterday…”, he wasn’t sure what he wanted to ask.

“Yes?”, she prodded gently.

“There was this…”, Matteo couldn’t ask her. This was stupid. He wasn’t even sure if what had happen yesterday was real. Besides, what would he ask? Who was the insanely hot guy I threw up over?

“Nevermind”, he said. 

Matteo supposed that both his father and Sylvia were at work, at least, he hoped they were. He quietly made his way towards his room and locked himself in it. He crashed on his bed, without bothering to change his clothes. The past few days were catching up to him. He was exhausted. He was asleep in minutes. 

Matteo had made the mistake of going down for breakfast, not realising his father might be home. Fuck, he was planning on staying at home.

“Why aren’t you dressed yet?”, he heard his dad ask, as he opened the fridge. Matteo wanted to ignore him, feeling a bit on edge. He couldn’t turn around now, because his father will see his neck and well. He didn’t want to have to put up with this mortifying situation. He was going to kill Franco, really. But, now he had to deal with his father. Matteo didn’t think he would care, but it was still embarrassing.

But, his father didn’t really act any different.

“Well?”, he asked. Sometimes it annoyed Matteo how his father never really seemed to care what he was doing. For example yesterday, when he left. There was not one missed phone call or text from him, asking where he is. It had always been like this. Matteo felt like his father didn’t really give a shit about him.

That was why it pissed him off so much that his father was starting a new family, as if he hadn’t fucked up with the last one, as if he hadn’t just abandoned them when things got hard. Now he wanted to play family? No fucking way.

“I’m not going”, Matteo replied simply, closing the fridge. He wasn’t hungry. 

“Yes, you are”, his father snapped back at him, which was surprising. Matteo looked at him, raising his eyebrows, “You’ve missed enough of school as it is. You have Abi this year, you should be taking this more seriously.”

At the mention of Abi Matteo felt his chest tightening. Whatever. He was going to skip anyway. Might as well meet up with the boys. He walked out of the kitchen, his father yelling after him, “I’ll drive you. You have 10 minutes!”

Matteo didn’t wait for his father to get out of the car with him.

“Have a nice day”, he heard his father yell after him, but he didn’t bother answering. He took out his phone to text Jonas, asking him if he was at school yet. But, before he could even press send, a loud screech made him stop in his tracks.

“Luigi!”, he turned around and saw Abdi and Carlos running towards him. He didn’t even have the time to step aside before they jumped on him. He nearly fell down, but they had a solid grip on his shoulders.

“When did you come back?”, Carlos asked, but Matteo couldn’t even answer, Abdi had him in a bone-crushing hug.

“Would it have killed you to text us back once?”, he asked. Matteo felt a pang of guilt, but he just laughed it off.

“I’m happy to see you, too, guys”.

Carlos pinched his cheeks while Abdi ruffled his hair.

“Hey, you are back!” Mohammed had made his way to them. Matteo stepped aside from the two boys to greet him. Behind Mohammed was Jonas.

“Ey”, Jonas pulled him into a hug and suddenly, Matteo was reminded why he wanted to get away from them so badly. His heart was hammering in his chest, he felt himself blush as Jonas kissed the top of his head and laughed. Matteo fucking hated feeling like this. This was his best friend, for fuck’s sake. 

The boys were asking him a million questions, talking over each other. He was a bit overwhelmed, but this was good. He really had missed them.

“Boys, boys”, Mohammed interjected, “Let him breathe, god.”

“Here”, Abdi looked around obnoxiously, before scooting closer to him, “A welcome back gift”, he handed a joint to Matteo.

“Nice”, he laughed, putting it behind his ear, “Do you guys want to skip?”

Mohammed’s protest were drowned out by the cheerful whoops of the guys. Matteo laughed at Mohammed’s disappointed face. Suddenly, though, they quieted down and looked at somewhere behind Matteo. He glanced between them, confused, but then he heard it.

“Matteo, hey”, Sara greeted him warmly, as he turned around.

“Sara, hi”, he awkwardly answered.

“We’ll wait for you inside”, Jonas said as he patted his shoulder. _No_, Matteo thought, but he couldn’t do anything except watch them leave. Even with the boys gone, though, he still couldn’t shake off the feeling of being watched. He glanced behind him, and lo and behold, Leonie was glaring at him. He couldn’t catch a fucking break.

Sara was smiling brightly, “I didn’t know you were back”.

“Yeah”, he said without really listening. God, this was so awkward.

Sara had been trying to actively date him since last year. It was his own fault, really. He kept making out with her at parties, but after that, he would ignore her messages, or straight up avoid her in school. She didn’t give up, though. And, he never really said no. Before the summer she had tried to start something between them, and he managed to find an excuse – he had told her he didn’t want to start a relationship just as he was about to go away for a few months. But, she had taken it as a promise for when he came back, which, yeah, wasn’t going to happen.

She kept talking to him, asking him question about Italy and his summer in general. Sara was sweet. She was pretty and smart. But, he just didn’t like her.

Sara wasn’t bothered by his one-word replies. Her pretty blue eyes were boring into his, the smile never leaving her face. He let his mind wander, obviously she didn’t mind doing all the talking. 

His grandmother would have liked Sara, he thought. She had always said that he needed to find a nice girl, and well, Sara was nice. Too nice. He wondered if it could work out, if whatever he was feeling towards Jonas could just disappear.

Maybe he could force himself to do it. During the summer Matteo had experimented. He thought that he was just curious. But, then Franco had kissed him, and it felt nothing like when Sara kissed him.

He realised that Sara had stopped talking. She wasn’t smiling, her eyes were fixated on his neck. Oh, fuck, how could he just forget about that? He thought they weren’t visible, as he was wearing a turtle neck, but it must have slipped down from when the boys jumped on him. Oh, god, Sara looked close to tears.

“I’m glad you had fun in Italy”, she said quietly. He felt bad, really, really bad.

“Sara-”, he tried. He really did.

“Leonie is waiting for me”, she gave him a watery smile. He turned around as she passed him, wanting to call out for her one last time, but the words were caught in his throat.

Next to Leonie was standing that boy. _The boy_. The boy from Matteo’s dreams. Matteo felt himself blushing. So, that wasn’t a dream? But, what was he doing in Hans’ room? The boy’s and Leonie’s attention was on Sara, who had her back towards Matteo, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from him.

Matteo was really confused.

But, it didn’t matter, because the boy looked up, their eyes meeting. Matteo saw his eyes widening in recognition. Fuck, fuck, fuck. After a few seconds he saw that Leonie also looked at him.

Both of them scowled.

Fuck.


	2. he can't be real, pt.2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys!!!!!!!! first, happy new year!! i hope you'll have a lovely 2020! 
> 
> i want to thank you for the lovely comments on the first part, i'm really thankful for your nice words :'] hopefully, you'll like this chapter, too, it's from david's pov. the first two chapters are sort of an introduction to their situation, the next ones will have more interactions between them! so, yeah, thank you again and i hope you will like it ❤️❤️❤️

_he can't be real, pt.2_

David praised himself on being a patient, compassionate human being. He tried his best to be kind to others, but recently some people have really been getting on his nerves.

It was hard to be kind when you work in retail.

“I’m sorry, ma’am, but you can’t return this product without a receipt”, he repeated for the fourth fucking time. The blonde woman acted like this was the first time she had heard this.

“What? But I haven’t opened it!”

_Please, don’t do this._

“I’m sorry, that’s our policy”, David did his best to smile at her, hoping she would just give up and move the fuck on. But, of course, that didn’t happen.

“Do you think this is funny? I want to talk to the manager.”

David held back a sigh. He really hated his job, he really did. He was about to call his manager, when he heard Ana, the manager, behind him.

“David, I’ll deal with this”, if angels existed Ana was one of them.

“Thank you”, he whispered as he swapped places with her. She just smiled at him.

“Ma’am, you can’t return this without a receipt”, Ana explained calmly.

“I want to talk to the-”

“I am the manager.”

David smiled to himself as he quickly went to the staffroom. He hadn’t realised his shift was over, which was strange as he usually looked at his watch every five minutes. God, he was so tired. And, he still had some homework to do for tomorrow.

David locked the staffroom and quickly changed. After he was done he went out, but not before saying bye to Ana. As he walked home, he checked his messages.

(19:45) Lizzy: My offer still stands, by the way.

David groaned. He had forgotten that Vicky and Hans were having their party today.

(20:34) me: I’ll be there in an hour.

David made his way to his new place. The party hadn’t started yet, thankfully. He went to his room and walked to his bed where his backpack had been abandoned on the floor. He quickly gathered everything he needed. He was contemplating on taking his sketchbook, but he decided against it. He would only get distracted and he still had homework to do. David kicked it under his bed, feeling uncomfortable with having it in plain sight when there would probably be strangers in his room. He took one last look of his room, in case he had forgotten anything. He hadn’t. With a sigh, he existed the room and closed the door.

“David, hey”, Vicky greeted him as he made his way through the living room. She was currently arranging the alcohol and some glasses on their coffee table.

“Hey”, he greeted back, “Do you need help?”

“Nah, I’m almost done”, she smiled brightly at him, “Are you staying?”

“Uh, no”, he answered and Vicky pouted at him, “I still have some homework to do, but I might come back later”, he wasn’t really in the mood to party, but he felt like he owed it to them. It was because of Vicky and Hans that he had a place to live now, after he moved here, in Berlin. Who knew it was so difficult and so goddamn expensive to find an apartment here? Still, he was tired.

“You better come back”, Vicky bit her lip, before she opened her mouth again, “You’re gonna be at Lizzy’s, right?”, she asked, casually.

David grinned. God, it was so obvious Vicky was crushing hard.

“Yeah, want me to rely a message to her? A love confession, perhaps?”

Victoria rolled her eyes, “Very funny”, she bent down and picked a small blanket that had been folded neatly on the floor, “I forgot to give it to her when she came over to get Lucy.”

“Alright, I’ll make sure to deliver it”, he said as he took the blanket and shoved it into his backpack, “Anything else? Maybe you want-“

“Go, already, God”, she giggled as she started pushing him towards the door.

“Hey”, David leaned forward to hug Lizzy as she opened the door.

“Hello”, she greeted back, coldly, but she hugged him back. When they had first met, David had been sure she hated his guts. It had taken time to get used to her distant demeanour, (“_Don’t take it personally, if she really didn’t like you, you would know”, his sister, Laura, had said, “Trust me, you would know._”), but now he couldn’t imagine his life without her.

David followed her into the living room, where there were a couple of books scattered opened around the small coffee table.

“Would you like to watch a movie?” she asked him.

“No”, he sighed, “I have some homework to do”.

“Alright”, she pushed some of her books, freeing one half of the coffee table, “Would you like some tea, then?”

“Yeah, thanks”, he settled on the floor, pulling out his books. Elizabeth came back with a cup in her hands, Lucifer, Vicky’s cat, following her closely.

“Lucy! Come here”, he grinned, as he took out the blanket Vicky had given him. The cat made her way towards his lap, bypassing the blanket and making itself comfortable. David looked at Elizabeth, who just shrugged at him. Honestly, David felt very special, because Lizzy and Lucy liked him. They tended to hate most people, but not him.

“Tell me if you need something”, it was a bit weird how Elizabeth could say kind things in the most unfriendly way possible, though, it made David’s chest tighten with fondness.

They worked for a while in comfortable silence. Occasionally, Lucifer purred when David would scratch between her ears as he wrote his essay.

However.

David had some… ulterior motives to come here. He had been done with his homework hours ago, and had been trying to make himself ask Lizzy something he had wanted to know for a while.

Two or three weeks ago Elizabeth had shown him some pictures she had taken. It was sort of a hobby of hers. She was crazy talented, she put a lot of effort in her photoshoots, but she didn’t really… do anything with them. David didn’t get it, he had tried to persuade her to at least post them on Instagram, so she could gain popularity or something, but she had just shrugged him off.

Anyway, she had shown him the last photoshoot she had done. It was cool. He liked how usually Lizzy would make her models pose in some weird or unnatural poses. It looked amazing. David knew that Linn and Laura were modelling, so he knew what to expect. That was why, he nearly had a heart attack when on the screen appeared the most beautiful boy he had seen. David had gasped. Gasped! He stared at the photo, hypnotized. It was a simple photo, really. It almost looked candid shot. The boy had dirty blond hair that was falling over his blue eyes. He was smiling brightly at the camera, a cigarette, between his teeth. _He has a nice mouth_, David had thought, idly. _He actually had a nice everything_. From his eyes, to his cute button nose, rosy lips. God, this boy was so pretty. But, David was mostly fixated on the boy’s eyes. They were so, so blue, yet at the same time they felt warm. David felt somehow connected to this boy, like he already knew him. There was something comforting in him, but David couldn't put his finger around it. He didn’t know why, but his heart ached.

But, before he could say anything, Lizzy had already moved on to the next picture. David had felt embarrassed for the way he had reacted. As if he hadn’t seen a pretty boy in his life before. He glanced discreetly at Lizzy. She hadn’t said anything, but judging by the amused smirk on her face, she knew something was up.

Lizzy hadn’t brought it up since then, and it felt like a blessing and a curse.

David couldn’t stop thinking about that boy. He had even started drawing him – any sketch he started ended up looking a bit like him, and it was driving him insane.

_It’s just a boy_, David thought, _why am I like this_?

He wished Lizzy would just say something about it, save him the embarrassment. But, of course, she hadn’t. And, now he was trying to think of a way to ask her about the boy, without being too suspicious.

“What is it?”, Lizzy asked, not looking up from her computer.

“What? Nothing”, David answered quickly.

“You’ve been staring at the same page for the past ten minutes. You should take a break, if you are tired.”

“Oh”, David grinned, “Are you worried about me?”

Lizzy didn’t answer, she just rolled her eyes.

“I knew you loved me”, David teased.

“Relax”, Lizzy said, and he chuckled.

“So, uhm”, David had given up on trying to study. He couldn’t concentrate, which was nothing new. His curiosity was killing him. It didn’t hurt to ask, right? What could happen?

“Yes?”, Lizzie was listening to him, despite furiously typing on her laptop. Fuck, did he forget who he was talking to? One wrong word and he would be found out and relentlessly teased, for sure.

“How is it going with your, uh photoshoots?”, he hated himself for stuttering.

“Why?”, her sharp gaze was on him. Shit.

“Uh, just asking. I really liked the pictures you showed me”, as the words left his mouth he realised it was the wrong thing to say.

“Oh, I’m sure you did”, the corner of her mouth was twisted upwards. And, because Lizzy was Lizzy, she didn’t say anything else. She just waited for him.

“I…”, he wasn’t going to let himself be found out that easily, “I don’t know what you mean, but the pictures were nice, really. Linn looked really cool.”

“Ah, yes. Linn. You liked Linn’s pictures the most, right. Of course.”

David wished he knew how to keep his mouth shut sometimes. He realised he was digging himself in a bigger hole, so it would be better just not to continue the conversation.

“Matteo wasn’t here the summer, so I don’t have more pictures of him”, Lizzy casually added, like it didn’t make David’s heart jump in his chest. _God, get a fucking grip_.

“Who?”, David knew he wasn’t fooling anyone, but it was his last attempt at saving his dignity.

“The guy you’ve been obsessively drawing”, Lizzy said.

David had just been finishing his cup of tea, but he quickly spat it right back in the cup.

“What? No! I haven’t”, he tried to defend himself. Lizzy just hummed.

“I’m not obsessed with him.”

“I’m probably going to force him to model soon. I might need an assistant.”

“I’m busy.”

“Wasn’t talking about you.”

Right. She meant Vicky. Lizzy had this weird thing of never texting Vicky first. So, most of the time David had to rely her messages, which was fucking stupid, because if Lizzy didn’t text, Vicky would. She was literally shameless, sending ten messages at once, not caring one bit.

“Cool”, David lamely replied. Matteo. So, that was his name.

“I might do it this weekend, or the next one. It depends whether Matteo Florenzi, Instagram handle matteohno, is busy or not.” It took all of David’s willpower not to reach over his phone the exact instant she told him Matteo’s Instagram.

“Alright”, he felt so fucking embarrassed. His hand itching to take out his phone.

“Actually”, she said and David suddenly felt cold, “I would like your help, too.”

Lizzy might have phrased it as a request, but David knew better that to say no.

“I’m not sure, if I’ll be free then”, but, he still had to try.

“I didn’t say when.”

“I’m very busy, you know, I work two jobs, I also have school.”

“David, it’s a bit pathetic how obsessed you are with him.”

“I’m not!” David protested, but Lizzy, of course ignored it.

“I’m giving you a chance to talk to him, be grateful.”

“I don’t want to-”

“Don’t make me get Laura involved in this”, Lizzy had turned to him, outstretching her hand to pet Lucifer.

“Lucy, scratch her”, he whispered, but the cat just purred.

“Anyway, I’ll check with him. It’s going to be the weekend, surely.”

“I’m working then.”

“You are not”, Lizzy got up, “Do you want dinner?”

David sighed and checked his phone. It was nearly one am. He would be biking home, which was another half an hour. 

“I think, I’ll be going”, he slowly gathered his stuff, as to not disturb the cat in his lap.

“Are you sure? You should eat something before you go.”

“I knew you love me”, David smiled at her. She scowled and turned around, walking towards the kitchen. Lucy jumped from his lap and followed her.

David used the opportunity to take his phone and open Instagram. He quickly found Matteo’s profile, and… it wasn’t exactly what he expected, but he felt himself getting more and more endeared by the weird mix of selfies and memes. The last post Matteo had was probably part of the photoshoot he did with Lizzy. He clicked on the post. Yeah, he was right. David quickly swiped through the photos, feeling too embarrassed to actually look at them properly. Fuck, this guy really was pretty.

“David?”, Lizzy called out and he locked his phone.

The party, obviously, had started long time ago, but he had hoped that they were done now. Though, he had no such luck. When he entered the apartment he was immediately greeted by some of Laura’s friends who had recognised him. A drink was shoved in his hand, while a girl draped herself over his shoulders. That was something he would never get used to. He felt a bit uncomfortable and twitchy. His ribs were hurting. Honestly, he just wanted to lock himself in his room, but he felt it would be rude to just leave.

Plus, he really needed to chill, as Vicky would say. The past few weeks had been stressful. He had to work two jobs now, plus he had to keep his grades up if he didn’t want to lose his scholarship. Also, there was this whole thing with his new school – new people, new teachers, new friends. He had to be extra careful if he wanted to survive, which made him even more stressed.

He was always worried he wasn’t doing enough, that one slip up will ruin his life and he would have to move again. And, he didn’t want that. He worked too hard to get into this stupid school, to get away from his hometown.

But here, surrounded by familiar, kind faces he felt safe. He felt like he could let loose just for a couple of hours. And, as Hans always said, a little party never killed anyone. He could stay for another hour.

So, David wrapped his hand around this girl’s (Alexis? Anna? he hadn’t heard her name) waist and let her drag him to the dancefloor, which was the living room.

Two hours had gone by, and David was ready to go to bed. This was a bad idea, he should have gone to his room in the first place. He was currently sitting behind the sofa, talking to a bunch of Vicky’s friends. One girl was in the middle of some wild story, involving a lot of tequila and weed, when something caught his eye. He thought he had seen a mess of blond hair and a familiar face passing through the crowd. _First the Instagram stalking, now this? I’m being creepy_, he thought, _this is a problem. _

But, then, someone poked his side, snapping him out of his thoughts. He looked at the girl next to him.

“David? David, are you listening?”, she asked, tugging on his arm.

“Yeah, sorry”, he said, shaking his head a bit, _get a grip_. 

“So, where was I? Oh, yeah, somehow I had ended up in another city, I think it was…”

David glanced at his phone. It was nearly four am and he winced. He was honestly done with this party. He felt exhausted. He couldn’t understand how this people still had the energy to dance. Judging by the energy both Hans and Vicky had, they were just getting started. He marvelled how they were always ready to have a good time. Thankfully, his first class tomorrow was cancelled, and he would be able to sleep in.

Sleep. Right. That was what he wanted, no, needed to do now.

David wasn’t cut out to be an adult. Who would agree on a party on a school night? That was probably one of the cons of having friends who were older than you.

“David, my man!”, David shut his eyes and took a deep breath. He sent one last longing look to his bedroom door and turned around, trying to look enthusiastic as he greeted back.

“Franco, hey”, the boy in front of him grinned. God, David couldn’t stand this guy.

“How you’ve been? Haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Yeah, well”, David didn’t even try to answer, because he knew Franco would start talking about himself again.

“I just got back from Italy”, there it was, “Man, I missed these parties. Vicky knows how to have a good time, right?”

David just smiled. It felt forced. It probably looked forced, too.

“I missed you, too, you know?”, Franco winked, wrapping his arm around David’s waist.

“How’s Emily?”, he asked as he stepped aside. David knew he was playing dirty, but he didn’t care. He really didn’t like Franco.

“We broke up”, Franco answered, the smile never leaving his face.

“Oh, really? What a shame”, David wondered if Vicky and Hans had started a new bet for how long those two would stay separated. He had won the last time, betting on one month.

“Nah, not really. I actually met someone else”, Franco grinned.

David discreetly rolled his eyes. Franco had met someone else the last time, too. But, he ended up cheating on the poor girl with Emily.

“Really”, David said.

“Like, we aren’t official or anything, we haven’t actually talked about it, but he’s really cute.”

“That’s great”, David literally couldn’t care less.

“Yeah, I want you to meet him, he’s-”, Franco glanced around the room, “Fuck, I lost him.”

“Hm, okay, look, I have to go”, David tried to slip away, but then someone else grabbed his arm.

“David!”, Hans greeted enthusiastically, “Let’s do shots!”, David couldn’t even protest, before he was being pulled towards the kitchen.

Finally, _fucking finally_, David managed to get to his room. It was five am. If he went to bed now, he could nap for two hours. But, that wasn’t the main issue. His ribs were killing him, he could barely breathe. _Two more months_, he thought, _and I’ll never have to deal with this again._ That placated him a bit, but, just as he got into his room, he felt himself getting angry again, because really, David just couldn’t have nice things.

On his bed were Franco, who was half-naked, and a boy. Not just any boy, though, but _The Boy_. Matteo Florenzi. The guy that had been plaguing his mind the past few weeks. Thankfully, he was clothed. But, even in the dark he looked amazing.

He decided that he wasn’t going to deal with this now, and that he would probably just burn his sheets tomorrow after work. He tried to ignore the wave of disappointment that had washed over him.

David wasn’t stupid. He knew there was no way a boy like Matteo was single. And, like, he didn’t care whether Matteo was single or not, it was just.

Franco, really? He could do so much better than an annoying fuckboy like Franco, who was still hung up on his ex.

David realised he was getting irrationally angry. He really needed to sleep.

Franco turned around, snoring quietly. Seriously, what did Matteo see in him? He crept closer to the bed. He felt his chest tightening at the sight of Matteo curled up on his bed like this, clutching a pillow between his arms. Suddenly, David had difficulty breathing because of other reasons.

As he got closer, he noticed that The Boy, god, he should stop calling him that, Matteo had woken up. He was staring up at him, which startled David. He watched at Matteo blinked slowly at him. His eyes really were nice. They were so blue. Matteo was even blushing a bit, which made something in David’s stomach flip. He was so, so pretty.

“Do you”, David gritted through his teeth as he saw Franco shuffle next to Matteo, remembering the situation, “mind?”

He waited patiently for him to answer, but the only thing he did was throw up on him.

At that same moment the image David had of Matteo in his head was crushed. He couldn’t believe he had been interested in someone like this – someone who would date Franco, and who didn’t seem to have a problem with throwing up on strangers. What was he thinking? Laura was right. He really spent too much time in his head.

“Fuck”, Matteo had grumbled and after that he had fallen asleep again.

“Fucking hell”, David was done. He was going to kick them both out of the bed.

David didn’t know how he didn’t strangle someone. Thank god, Hans had come in the right moment, or he really would have killed someone. Probably Franco, because he had it coming anyway.

“Go sleep in Vicky’s room”, he had said after taking one look at his face, “I’ll take care of it.”

He didn’t know what kind of expression he was making, he supposed it was murderous enough to make Hans take a pity on him and clean up the mess in his room.

David didn’t remember exactly what happened after that. He had been so tired. He knew he had showered and crashed on Vicky’s bed, but he couldn’t really remember going through the motions of going to the bathroom, showering, changing into his pyjamas, going to bed. Whatever.

He stared up at the ceiling. He had school today. After that he had a shift in the bar. He also had to finish an essay for tomorrow. Plus, there was still time, but exams were approaching and he was a bit behind on studying. He should call Amira to ask her if she would study with him. Right, Amira. She had asked him to help out at the cafe. 

He also had surgery soon, yet not soon enough. It would be right before Christmas break, but he would still be missing one week from school. He didn’t know how he would catch up.

David felt anxious just thinking about all of this.

_I can’t handle it_, he thought, oddly calm. He reached out to his phone that was on the night stand and looked at the time. He had an hour and a half before he could leave for school. David closed his eyes for a few seconds and then, he opened them again. He should go for a run. With a deep sigh, he got out of Vicky’s bed.

He had pointedly not looked towards his bed as he slipped into his room, taking quickly everything he needed.

His class was starting in a few minutes, so David used to opportunity to lie down for a bit on his desk. Of course, though, because he could never just fucking relax for a few minutes, he felt someone taping on his shoulder. He looked up. Jonas was standing next to his desk, smiling charmingly.

“Rough night?”, Jonas asked instead of greeting him.

“Yeah”, David croaked out and then cleared his throat, “A bad idea, honestly.”

“At least you had fun”, Jonas answered. _Debatable_, David thought as he remembered how his night ended, “So, uh, I wanted to ask you if you’ve done the math homework?”

David didn’t even listen to the end of the question, he just took out his notebook and handed it to Jonas.

“You are a saint, thank you”, Jonas grinned and David offered a small smile in return.

“Hey”, Leonie had sat down next to him. He slowly turned to her. She was frowning, pointedly not looking at Jonas. David glanced back at Jonas, who had an uneasy look on his face.

“I’ll return this in a few minutes”, he said and left, not waiting for David’s reply.

“What did he want?”, Leonie asked glaring at the spot Jonas was standing on a few seconds ago.

“Nothing”, David replied, a bit amused.

Leonie was one of the first people he had talked to when he started school. He wasn’t exactly planning on making friends this year, as it was their last. Well, hopefully, it was their last. His plan was to keep his head down, stay out of trouble, talk to people only if it was necessary. It was all in order to protect himself, really. He just had to survive this year, and all would be fine (“But, you need friends David”, he could hear Laura’s concerned voice in his head. _No, I don’t_.)

Though, Leonie was nothing but stubborn. He really didn’t get why she insisted on talking to him so much, always seeking him out in the hallways, always sitting next to him. They’ve known each other for two weeks and he already knew so much about her. For example, he knew what happened with Jonas. He knew that she was best friends with Sara, another girl that wouldn’t just leave David alone. Both of them were from rich families like most people from this school were, which was enough for David to not like them. They have been nice to him, though, so, he supposed not all rich people were terrible.

He had been careful, though, not to let them too close. He had opened up a bit, just so they felt like they knew him, but not enough to actually know him. 

“Hey, guys”, Sara greeted them as she sat in front of them. She looked happy. Too happy, if he had to be honest. Leonie noticed it too.

“I can’t believe you”, she said, but Sara just giggled.

“Shut up, I’m excited.”

David glanced between the two of them, not really following. But, he knew that they would explain. They always did, despite David never asking.

“Matteo is coming back tomorrow”, Leonie said with a scowl. At the mention of the name Matteo, David’s heart leaped in his chest. This was starting to get annoying. They weren’t even talking about the same guy.

“Do we not like Matteo?”, David asked after a couple of seconds.

“No.”

“Yes.”

Leonie and Sara shared a meaningful look.

“Leonie”, Sara whined, but she just frowned in response.

“Sara, he is an asshole. I really don’t know what you see in him”, David felt like there was much more that was being left unsaid, but he didn’t really know how to find out what it was.

“He’s not that bad, and you know it.”

“Sara, I dated Jonas. I know him. He’s an asshole,” Leonie repeated a bit more firmly. Then, she turned to David, who really didn’t want to get involved in this.

“He treats her like shit, and she still tries to make it work between them”, Leonie explained and David suddenly felt bad. He couldn’t imagine someone treating Sara badly. She was so nice.

“He’s sweet, he’s just going through a lot”, Sara defended.

“That’s not an excuse”, Leonie replied, harshly, “Aren’t you going to say something?”, she looked at David.

“Uh”, David thought for a second, “You shouldn’t be with someone that makes you unhappy, Sara”, he glanced back at Leonie who looked satisfied with his answer.

“But, he does make me happy!”

“Oh my god”, Leonie rolled her eyes, “How many times did he text you this summer?”

Sara was quiet. She bit her lip, looking down.

“Yeah, thought so”, Leonie whispered as the teacher entered the classroom.

David glanced at the clock. Ten minutes until his shift was over.

He wondered if everyone spent their teenage years like this – just counting down until something happened: ten minutes until his shift was over, an hour until he could go home, just a few more days until the weekend, just two months until his surgery, just a little less than year until he was free from high school, forever. He wondered if he should be worried that he wasn’t exactly living in the moment, as most of his peers did. In his mind, there were always some other things that had to happen before he could be happy. Like, the time now was just a preparation for what was to come.

People always said that the teenage years were the best. David didn’t feel like that. It made him anxious, really. He just hoped that in the end all of this would be worth it that at some point in his life he would stop and think, _yeah, this is good_, that he would be happy.

Honestly, at this point of his life he was just… sleepwalking. It was just an exhausting cycle of sleep, school, work, repeat. His days went by, and he didn’t even notice, too concentrated on the end goal. He idly wondered, if once he reached it he would be satisfied, or he would find something else to chase.

Until then, though, six minutes until his shift was over.

The next day Leonie was moodier than usual. She was frowning most of the time. Even Sara couldn’t fix her mood. David supposed Sara was actually part of the reason Leonie was irritated.

And, because David was a good friend, he decided to do something about it.

“You can’t always protect her”, he said, while he ate.

“You don’t get it!”, Leonie exclaimed, “She knows he’s an asshole, I know he’s an asshole, you would also think he is an asshole if you met him. He’s lazy, irresponsible, a fucking snake.” David suspected there was a story behind all of this. “And, he seriously treats her like shit! He’s so rude to her, he uses her when he wants and then just- ugh!”

“He’s Jonas’ best friend, right? I get why you don’t like Jonas, but what did that guy do to you?”

“It’s a long story”, Leonie grumbled, which surprised David. Usually, she had no problem talking about all of the drama in her life, but she was strangely secretive about this. Leonie usually got over things quickly, but something about Jonas and Matteo still made her angry.

“I can’t believe Sara is doing this to me”, she pinched the bridge of her nose, sighing deeply.

David decided it would be a good idea to change the subject, “Oh, I watched the movie you told me about.”

If looks could kill, honestly. He approached Leonie who was sending death glares at someone, he wasn’t sure who, though. Today, David had been distracted, thinking about Matteo again. It was so stupid. He didn’t get why he was so upset over the guy, they hadn’t even talked. He was still angry, but he wasn’t sure why – because Matteo was seeing Franco or because he had thrown up over him.

God, he was an idiot, why would he care who Matteo was seeing? Of, course he was just still mad because of the party. He should really stop thinking about this.

“Hey”, he said as he got closer to Leonie, “What’s up?”

“He’s here.”

“Who?”, David turned towards the direction Leonie was glaring at, but at the same time Sara was walking towards them, teary-eyed.

“Sara”, Leonie’s face immediately softened. Sara just sobbed in response.

“You were right. He doesn’t care”, David looked at the two girls, a bit confused, then he remembered the conversation they had yesterday. He looked behind Sara, and he could swear his heart stopped.

It was the same Matteo. Shit.

_He looks so good_, was the first thing David thought. It was the first time David was properly seeing him in broad daylight, in the flesh. The pictures didn’t do Matteo’s eyes justice. He was-

Another sob from Sara snapped David out of his thoughts. He looked back at the girl in front of him.

“He wasn’t even listening to me!” she sniffed and David felt his heart breaking, “like, he was just waiting for me to stop talking.”

He felt himself getting angrier. He couldn’t believe this guy. Sara didn’t deserve this.

“I should have listened to you”, Sara looked at Leonie, “But, I like him so much.”

Leonie didn’t know what to do. Neither did he. They shared a look. Then, both of them looked towards Matteo again.

Matteo’s eyes widened as David looked at him. He couldn’t believe he wasted so much energy on an asshole like Matteo. David might not really know him, but he knew enough to dislike him.


	3. he's an asshole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a consisting uploading schedule? i don't know her
> 
> GUYS! thank you so much for your lovely comments, i literally LIVE for them! I can't thank you enough! i really hope you like this chapter :))

_he's an asshole._

“Luigi, ey, Luigi”, Jonas started poking his side.

“What?”, they were on the rooftop, smoking the joint Abdi had brought. Mohammed wasn’t with them, of course, because he didn’t want to skip class. They could see him through the window, diligently taking notes. But… that wasn’t who Matteo was looking at. A few rows behind Mohammed, next to the window was _him_. The guy from his dreams, or, no, fuck, from the party. Matteo felt embarrassed just thinking about it.

Matteo couldn’t believe his luck. Of course the hot guy was real, and of course he had embarrassed himself in front of him. Fuck, why did he care, though? It wasn’t like he would be trying anything. He didn’t even think he would be seeing him again. On top of that he was apparently friends with Leonie and Sara. _Fantastic_.

“Matteo!”, Carlos kicked his ankle.

“Ow, yes, yes! What?”, he finally looked at them.

“What happened with Sara?”, Abdi asked, “She looked upset”.

“Was it because of…”, Carlos pointed at his neck, wiggling his eyebrows, “Who knew you got game, Luigi!” Matteo moved to shove him.

“Boys, boys”, Jonas interrupted them, “We should be glad that Matteo had fun in Italy”, he grinned. Matteo groaned.

“It’s not like that.”

“But, seriously, I thought you were with Sara?”, Abdi questioned.

“I never said that”, Matteo mumbled.

“Why not? Sara is a nice girl”, Jonas asked, looking a bit concerned. Matteo wanted to laugh. The irony of Jonas being the one asking him this.

“She’s friends with Leonie”, he replied simply. Before Jonas could say anything else, Carlos started yelling.

“Shit, shit, shit”, he was looking towards the windows, “Class ended. We have to go”, he got up, pulling Abdi with him, “Kiki will kill me if she finds out I skipped. Let’s go, let’s go.” He turned to them.

“You guys go, we’ll come down later”, Jonas said. Carlos and Abdi nodded and quickly made their way towards the door.

“Dude”, Jonas turned to him, “Don’t worry about Leonie.”

This was making Matteo uncomfortable.

“It’s not…”, Matteo took a deep breath. This was Jonas, his best friend. He wouldn’t leave him for something like this, right?

“I mean what happened with Leonie is between me and Leonie, you don’t have to worry about that”, Jonas’ eyes were kind. He wrapped an arm around Matteo’s shoulders.

He should tell him. It was going to be fine.

“Sara is a great girl! You’ll be cute together”, he wiggled his eyebrows.

“I don’t like Sara like that”, Matteo confessed.

“Why?”, Jonas’ eyes were drawn in together, he looked confused.

“Because…”, Matteo couldn’t do it. He felt nauseas. He couldn’t make himself say it.

If Matteo told him, then Jonas would know that it was Matteo’s fault he and Leonie broke up. He would know about Matteo’s feelings and Matteo would lose his best friend. And if Jonas stopped being his friend, then he would also lose Abdi and Carlos, Mohammed, too. He couldn’t do it.

Besides, Matteo wasn’t exactly sure if he liked… boys. Yeah, he did make out with Franco, and he did like it, but maybe it was because he was a good kisser? Also, he had those weird feeling about Jonas, but who didn’t feel a bit weird about their best friend from time to time? And, okay, maybe he did feel like he was on fire when he and that guy had locked eyes, but that didn’t prove anything. He wasn’t sure. He was just confused. There was no need to start so much shit without being sure.

“Because?” Jonas raised an eyebrow at him.

Shit.

“There is someone else”, replied Matteo without thinking much. Jonas’ eyes widened.

“Who? Do I know her?”

Oh, the irony.

“I’m not telling you”, Matteo got up and started walking towards the door, “Let’s go”. Was he really going to actually go to class just to avoid this conversation? Yes, he was.

They got on the elevator, Jonas was pestering Matteo to tell him who his ‘mystery girlfriend’ was, but Matteo didn’t say anything.

“Okay, okay”, Jonas hugged him as he was leaving the elevator, “I’m gonna let you go”, he paused, “for now”.

Matteo just smiled at him. It felt a bit forced, but he was tired of talking about this.

“Bye, Jonas.”

“Oh, wait, hold the elevator, David is coming”, Jonas said before he left. Matteo didn’t know who Davis? (he didn’t hear the name) was, but he pressed the button to hold the doors open. Jonas winked at him as he walked off.

Matteo waited patiently, pressing the button a few more times. He sighed. He felt like he just couldn’t think about anything anymore. He felt like everything was exhausting him even simple tasks.

But, before Matteo could spiral down further, he realised who was approaching him.

It was the guy. The guy Matteo had thrown up on. God, what did Jonas say his name was? Davis? Matteo was mortified. There was no way he was going to put himself through this. He frantically started pressing the button to close the doors, hoping the boy didn’t see him doing it. But, of course, because Matteo had never been a lucky person, Danny, Denis, whatever his name, was slipped into the elevator just before the doors closed.

They shared an awkward moment where they looked at each other for a few seconds, obviously recognising each other. Then the boy pressed the button of the floor he wanted to go on, and turned around, his back facing Matteo.

Matteo could see his reflection on the elevator doors. He was frowning. And, he still looked good. God, seriously, how could someone look like that? His memories did this boy no justice. He was stunning. 

Matteo was a high from the joint from earlier, which made him think even less about the things he was about to do. So, it didn’t take him long to convince himself to start up a conversation with the guy, even apologise about what had happened. Yeah, it sounded like a good idea.

“Hey, I, uh”, Matteo was nervous. They had reached this guy’s floor, but Matteo was sure he had heard him, judging by the way his very nice shoulders tensed.

“I just wanted to say, I’m so-”, the door opened and he went out, but before he did, he threw one last dirty look at Matteo.

Well.

That was rude.

“Seriously? Who does he think he is?”, Matteo paced around Vicky’s living room. She was scrolling on her phone, only half listening to him.

After school ended, Matteo, fuming, made his way straight to Vicky’s place. There were two factors that helped him make this decision, the first one being not wanting to deal with his father and Sylvia who were probably home, and the second one was wanting to know who the asshole from the party was.

“I was trying to apologise and he just left!”, he looked at her, hoping she would show some sympathy. Vicky just hummed.

“Besides,” he continued, “He can’t blame me for the things I do drunk. It’s not like a wanted to throw up on him.”

“Actually”, Vicky interrupted without looking up from her phone, “Intoxication could be considered as an aggravating factor in some law cases.”

Matteo rolled his eyes. He flopped down on the couch, leaning his head on her shoulder.

“Aren’t you a bit too worked up about this?”, she asked.

“It’s not just that! He was glaring at me every time we bumped into each other.”

“Oh, how dare he.”

“I’m serious”, Matteo poked her ribs, “You should have seen the look he gave me when I got the last desert at lunch.”

“That’s a serious offence, if you ask me”, Vicky smiled at him.

“Also”, he ignored her, “apparently, he’s friends with Leonie.”

At that Vicky winced.

“Yeah, god knows what she had told him”, he sighed.

“Why do you care so much anyway?”, Vicky asked, “It’s not like anyone is forcing you to interact with him.”

The thing was, Matteo knew he was being… a bit irrational about this whole thing. But, it was just something about that guy that irked Matteo. Like, how he walked through the halls as if he was better than everyone else, or how conceited he sounded when he answered a teacher’s question, or how he laughed when someone from his friends said something funny, or the cute way he would tilt his head when he hadn’t heard something, or…

“Because”, he snapped himself from his thoughts, because he didn’t like the direction they were going, “Because! He’s annoying”, honestly, Matteo didn’t know himself why he was so bothered. Besides the question wasn’t _why_ he was bothered; the whole problem was that he _was_ bothered.

“What did you say his name was?”, Vicky looked too amused, like she wasn’t taking him seriously. She probably wasn’t.

“Davis, I think?”, he wasn’t sure.

“You spent the day watching this guy so closely, but you don’t know his name?”

“I-, _I didn’t watch him closely_!”, Matteo answered, a bit annoyed.

“Whatever, he’s probably one of Hans’ friends. I don’t think I know a Davis”, Vicky’s phone pinged. She quickly opened the message, her frown deepening as she read.

“I fucking hate group projects”, she groaned as she threw her phone on the sofa.

“What happened?”, Matteo asked, concerned.

“One of the guys I was working with didn’t do his part. And, now he’s going to France for four days. We literally need to hand in the project tomorrow”, she was pinching the bridge of her nose.

“That sucks”, Matteo helpfully said.

“Yeah”, with a sigh Vicky went to the kitchen. He could hear that she had started up the coffee machine, “I have to write it now, but you are welcome to stay if you want.” Vicky poked her head in the living room.

“Nah, I’ll leave you”, Matteo got up from the sofa, stretching out his arms.

“Alright”, Vicky walked him to the door, “I’ll ask Hans if he knows a Davis.”

Matteo wanted to sneak in quietly, so he could avoid his father and Sylvia, but it was unsuccessful. Sylvia caught him just as he was going up the stairs.

“Matteo, darling, hi”, she greeted him, brightly.

“Hello”, he answered. He stayed for a few seconds, then he started walking up the stairs, but she spoke again.

“We are going out for dinner, would you like to join us?”

Her teeth were very white, Matteo noticed.

“I’m sorry, I have a lot of homework to do.”

“Oh, that’s a shame”, she genuinely looked sad, “Do you want us to bring you dinner?”

Sylvia was nice, really nice. She used to be a teacher in Matteo’s school, but she moved, because, well… It wasn’t a good look to have the principal dating one of the teachers. He hadn’t had any classes with her, but he knew from other students that she was cool. He didn’t want to be mean to her or anything, it was mostly his father he had a problem with, but he wished she wouldn’t insist so strongly on them being family. Matteo already had a mom, he didn’t want another one. He wished he could have a father that cared, though. 

“Since when do you do your homework?”, he heard his father before he saw him. Matteo sighed.

“Did you think I wouldn’t know?”, now his father was in full view, standing next to Sylvia.

“You skipped class. Again. Seriously, it’s your first day in school and you couldn’t-“

Matteo didn’t want to hear the rest of it. He didn’t care what his father had to say. _He didn’t_.

He heard Sylvia speaking as he shut the door of his room close. He couldn’t make out what she was saying, but her voice was stern.

Whatever. He didn’t care.

He was just a bit annoyed. He couldn’t deal with his father. He didn’t give a shit about Matteo most of the time. They didn’t even talk to each other. When they did, it was because his father wanted to criticize him for one thing or another.

It used to bother Matteo that his father used to be so strict with him. When his mother still lived with them, his father would always make comments about how Matteo wasn’t doing enough in school, that he should have tried harder to get an A. It was like he was never satisfied, so Matteo stopped trying to please him. It made their relationship worse, but then the divorce happened, Matteo had stated that he was leaving for the summer and his father had let him, which was probably the only nice thing he had done for Matteo. Well, he couldn’t deny the fact that his father gave him a lot of pocket money, but that didn’t make up for… anything, really.

His father probably didn’t know how to handle him, so he just let Matteo do whatever, only trying to put his foot down when it came to school. Matteo could understand that, yet he still wished his dad had tried more to get along with his own son, like he was doing now with Sylvia’s

Matteo could hear soft footsteps passing by his door.

Whatever. His father had failed one son. Now, he had another one to make things right.

Matteo had been early for class. He didn’t sleep much, but he made an effort to get out of bed earlier, so he didn’t have to talk to the other people in his house. He idly thought about skipping and going to Vicky’s, but he decided against it, not wanting his father getting on his case again.

He didn’t go immediately to the classroom, though. First, he made his way towards the rooftop to smoke. He noted that he had to buy another pack soon, as this was his second to last cigarette. He leaned on the railing on the roof, watching the other students coming in.

Two things picked his interest. The first one being Mohammed sprinting towards a girl, wearing a hijab. He could see her rolling her eyes, but the gesture seemed mostly fond. They walked side by side, Mohammed talking and smiling the entire time.

Matteo would have to ask the boys about this.

The second thing was the guy that had been walking with the girl before Mohammed had appeared. Fucking Davis (or whatever his name was) was now making his way across the yard with Sara. He had taken off his stupid beanie and now his hair was all messed up. Matteo watched as he tried to fix it, while Sara laughed at him. He looked stupid. Then, Leonie appeared, jumping on the boy. The sight made Matteo’s chest tighten. She used to do that with him.

To Matteo’s surprise, Davis (he didn’t even look like a Davis) didn’t fall or even stumble, as Matteo used to do. Leonie had wrapped her legs on his waist, and he had put his arms under her thighs, supporting her weight with ease. He was walking like the additional weight wasn’t bothering him. _Fucking show-off_. For some reason Matteo felt extremely annoyed. Did that guy think he was very strong? Well, he wasn’t. It wasn’t like Leonie weighted a lot.

A text from Carlos asking him where he was snapped him out of his thoughts. Class was starting. He should go down.

Usually, Matteo liked sleeping through most of his classes, except one – Maths. He liked it. He sometimes would even participate on his own accord. Of course, though, fucking Davis was also in this class.

“Matteo, would you please come solve this problem?”, his teacher asked as she pointed the marker towards him. He didn’t want to, but with a sigh he got up. He solved it fairly quickly, judging by the proud look on Jonas’ and Abdi’s faces. He was about to make his way towards his desk, but then, his teacher asked, “Did everyone get the same answer?”, and of course, of fucking course, Davis had to interject.

“I think there is an easier way to solve this”, he said, not looking at Matteo who was glaring at him.

“Okay, come write your solution”, the teacher smiled. Davis quickly got up and did as he was told. The teacher looked at the board and nodded, but before she could say anything, Matteo had to protest.

“How is this easier?”, he said, ignoring the way his heart started beating faster when Davis looked at him. This was the first time they were speaking to each other.

“It is”, Davis said smugly, like he was better than Matteo.

“How? You have to make three more unnecessary steps?”, Matteo couldn’t look away from the way Davis raised an eyebrow at him, tilting his head. Matteo hated how attractive it made him look.

“Uhm, boys-”, his teacher looked between them, uneasy.

“Yeah, but you don’t have to calculate big numbers?”

Matteo rolled his eyes, “What? You can’t multiplying by three-digit numbers?”, okay, maybe Matteo was still a bit bitter because of the thing that happened in the elevator yesterday.

Davis’ eyes widened, his eyebrows disappearing in his hairline. For some reason, Matteo started feeling a bit hot under the collar as he saw Davis clenching his jaw, obviously holding back a snarky remark, while glaring at him. He had closed his eyes for a brief second and when he opened them again he was looking straight at Matteo. God, this guy’s eyes sure were something. And, how are his lashes so long, what the hell? They framed his dark eyes so nicely. Matteo felt like it was just the two of them at the moment. He didn’t know how to feel under all the attention.

“I just think”, he said lowly and Matteo had to fight off a blush, “It would save more time than-”

“Well, you are wr-”, Matteo quickly snapped out of the trance he was.

“Boys!”, the teacher snapped them out of their moment, “This is enough, thank you, you can go back to your seats”, she said, more sternly. Both Matteo and Davis glared at each other, before returning to their seats.

Matteo ignored the questioning looks Jonas was sending his way and Abdi’s stupid snickers. 

He spared a glance towards Davis for one last time. As if he felt someone looking at him, Davis turned his head towards Matteo. He scowled when their eyes met, his lips turning into a frown, his eyebrows knitting together.

Matteo looked away.

It was going to be a long year.

“Dude, what’s up with you and David?”, Carlos asked as they made their way towards the rooftop. The elevator was broken, so they had to take the stairs.

“David?”, Matteo asked, a bit confused.

“Yeah?”, Carlos stopped and turned to him in the middle of the stairs.

“Nothing?”, Matteo didn’t even know anyone called David.

“What do you mean nothing? You two have-”, Carlos couldn’t finish his sentence.

“Could you move?”, Sara was standing in front of them. Behind her was Davis. Matteo wanted to groan when their eyes met.

“Uh, yeah”, Carlos stepped back, leaning on the wall. Matteo didn’t move, too focused on the pair in front of him. Davis was the first one to pass him, bumping his shoulder hard. Before Matteo could react, though, Sara went by him, giving him a small smile. He really felt bad for her. He never actually properly apologised.

“Sara”, he said, turning towards her. She stopped and looked up at him, her sad blue eyes boring into his, “Can I talk to you for a second?”

“Sara”, Davis called her, warningly, “We have to go.”

God, that guy knew how to piss him off without even doing anything. Matteo looked behind Sara and glared. Davis scold back at him. He noticed Davis was wearing the beanie from the morning. It looked nice on him, the yellow contrasting against his olive sk-

“I have to go”, Sara said, but she didn’t move. Matteo snapped his attention back to Sara.

“It won’t take long”, he said, softly. He tried his best to smile at her.

“Sara”, David called her again. Matteo huffed.

“Could you fuck-”, he was looking at Davis, and, man, this would have been so much easier if he wasn’t so pretty, fuck.

“David”, Sara turned to him, “It’s fine, you go ahead. I’ll come in a second.”

Matteo smirked at- wait. David? His name was David?

“David, please”, Sara pleaded again. David (this suited him much more than Davis) sighed and started walking down. David. Well. This was something he would have to think about later. Matteo looked at Carlos, who shrugged and continued walking up the stairs.

“I’m sorry, Sara”, Matteo said, leaning on the railing, “I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“It’s fine”, she answered, “It’s my fault for letting myself believe something could happen between us, that it meant something to you”, she looked away, her eyes filling with tears. He didn’t know what to tell her.

“I really am sorry”, he repeated, it was all he could say, “I hope we can stay friends.”

Sara huffed out a laugh and shook her head, “I just, don’t understand why. Is it something I did, or-”.

“No”, Matteo quickly interrupted her, “It has nothing to do with you.”

Sara was looking at him like she didn’t believe him. He didn’t know what to say to make her feel better.

“I really am sorry”, he settled on saying. She sighed.

“Sara”, David called out. _Fucking hell_, Matteo felt himself getting annoyed.

“Bye, Matteo”, Sara smiled at him again and left.

Matteo would probably have felt terrible if it wasn’t for his anger towards David that was distracting him.

David.

Yeah, it suited him much more.

For some reason he kept seeing David everywhere. Not only in class, but also in the hallway, in the yard, on the bus even. What was worse was that all of his friends seemed to like David. Didn’t they see how much of an asshole that guy was?

“I really don’t get what’s the problem between you two”, Mohammed said after their literature class ended. During the class Matteo and David had gotten into a heated debate that escalated into them getting into each other’s faces while talking, a bit too loudly. It was amusing for the other students and annoying for the teacher. She had forced them to _shut up and sit down_, not letting them talk for the rest of the class.

“What do you mean? He started it!”, Matteo protested. Fuck, he was tired. He didn’t think he had ever put so much effort in school, just to get a guy pay attention to him.

That was phrased wrong.

He didn’t actually want David’s attention or anything, he just wanted to… he wasn’t sure what. For some reason he kept doing stupid shit just to make David look at him like he had during their first Maths class together. He didn’t know why. David just annoyed him.

“Who knew you were so passionate about Kafka”, Mohammed smirked, “Besides, what did David even do to you? He’s really cool, actually.”

Matteo felt betrayed. But, he didn’t have the energy to try and explain why David was the worst person in the world, as he, himself, didn’t really understand why he needed to always oppose David.

“You just don’t get it”, Matteo said and left it at that, “What’s up with you and Amira, though?”, he smirked as he saw Mohammed’s eyes widen.

“You know Amira?”

“We have bio together, she’s terrifying”, Matteo rolled his eyes at the fond smile that appeared on Mohammed’s face.

“Yeah, she is”, he said as he sat down on the table they usually did in the cafeteria.

The boys joined them soon enough. Abdi and Carlos were fighting about something stupid, while Mohammed shook his head amusedly next to them. Abdi had gotten up, gesticulating widely, when something caught his eyes. His expression shifted from annoyance to sadness.

“This is so unfair”, he said. Everyone looked at the direction he was looking at.

David was talking to a bunch of girls, who were obviously charmed by him. His whole demeanour screamed cockiness. He was leaning on one of the tables, his arms crossed in front of his chest, tilting his head as he spoke. He had rolled the sleeves of his shirt, exposing his nice forearms, but that wasn’t the point. The girls in front of him were giggling and blushing, while he was talking about something. After a few seconds all of them laughed. He then said something else, that caused an outrage as the girls started speaking at the same time, while he just laughed and laughed. Sam, who was the love of Abdi’s life, was also there. Abdi let out a deep sigh.

“It’s over. She’ll never look at me again”.

“What an asshole”, Matteo mumbled. Jonas looked at him surprised.

“What? No! David’s really cool”, he said repeating what Mohammed had said earlier. Matteo didn’t say anything. He didn’t look away from David until Leonie came. She leaned on his, wrapping her arms around his neck. The other girls said their goodbyes, blowing kisses at him. David waved back at them and wrapped his arms around Leonie’s waist.

Matteo looked back at the plate in front of him. He could hear Leonie’s voice in his head ‘_he’s such a fuckboy_’. She had said that about Jonas before they started dating. _She has a type,_ Matteo thought.

“How does he do that?”, Carlos asked, his expression serious.

“I don’t know, man”, Abdi answered, dejected, “I thought he was with Leonie, why would he come after Sam?”

“There, there”, Jonas patted his shoulder.

“You see? He’s an asshole”, Matteo stole another glance at where David was supposed to be, but he was gone.

Matteo didn’t know why he even bothered to keep up this weird thing with David. It had been a month already, but he wasn’t stopping anytime soon. He felt like he would lose, if he didn’t snap back at David. The whole situation was fucking stupid, but he wasn’t stopping. Not when every time they started arguing, David would look at him in a very specific way, like he had concentrated all of his attention on Matteo. It felt satisfying in a way – when everyone else was fighting for David’s attention, Matteo got it with just a few words that he knew would wind him up.

Matteo did his best not to think about why he wanted David’s attention so much.

“Can you believe that guy?”, David rebuked. Elizabeth sighed.

“I swear to God, he’s doing it on purpose”, David gestured widely. Elizabeth just took another sip of her tea.

She had come to visit him during his, or well, Amira’s shift at the café. He didn’t technically work here, Amira did, but currently they were understaffed and she had asked him for help. It was only for three days, it was fine. He was managing.

He was currently on a break. Vicky was also supposed to come, but something came up. He honestly missed her. It was weird how they lived together, but barely saw each other. She was busy with university and her own job, and well… he had three jobs and school, so he wasn’t home much either. Still, he was hoping they could catch up soon, so he could up-to-date her about the whole Matteo situation.

“Like, who does that? He bought fifteen chocolate bars. Fifteen”, he huffed, “Did you know how stupid he looked with that dumb smug expression on his face with fifteen chocolate bars in his arms?”

“I can only imagine”, Lizzy contributed, uninterested.

“Plus! He’s always trying to one up me! Every time I try to answer a question he has to butt in with his own opinion. I swear, he’s doing it to annoy me.”

“Well, he’s doing a good job.”

“And did I tell you what he did the first week! He tried to close the door of the elevator while I was coming! He saw that I was coming!”

“Yes, you did tell me. Ten times, since it happened, if you wanted to be precise.”

David sighed. He hated that guy. He was stressed enough as it was, he didn’t need a… a fucking bully to make his life miserable any more than it was.

“I hate rich people”, he said, ignoring Lizzy’s comment, “they always think they are better than everyone else. How can you even be friends with someone like him?”

“You know he’s Vicky’s best friend, right?”, Lizzy raised an eyebrow at him, “And, I don’t know. All of this is very strange to me. It doesn’t sound like Matteo at all,” David scoffed, “I mean, yes, he is annoying, but he’s not an asshole.”

“Not an-!”, David was positively fuming, “Do you know what he did to Sara? He cheated on her! He treats her like shit!”

“He really got under your skin”, Lizzy commented, an amused smirk on her face.

“Don’t even”, David glanced at the clock and sighed, his break was almost over, “I hate him”.

“Ah, yes. I also don’t stop talking about the people I despise”, David knew she was just teasing, but he still blushed. He just rolled his eyes.   
“Plus”, she added, “you didn’t think he was an asshole before”.

“Yeah, but then I met him”, David retorted.

Okay, sure, Matteo was very good-looking. Too good-looking, if David was being honest, but that didn’t help the fact that he was so fucking annoying.

And, since David was currently honest, he couldn’t help, but admit that sometimes it was… fun. He liked how Matteo’s eyes brightened when they got into one of their heated discussions during Maths class, despite the groans of the students and the teacher (“Not again, you two”); how Matteo could easily snap back at his sarcastic remarks (sometimes David had to turn around, so he could hide his laugh); how nice Matteo’s face was even when he was glaring at David. He didn’t know how all of this started. He was aware they could just ignore each other and go on with their life, but he enjoyed the attention, enjoyed having Matteo look at him, a challenge in his eyes as he raised his hand to answer a question.

It was stupid. Sometimes Matteo could be insufferable, but he knew that he wasn’t being any better.

“Well,” he got up from his chair with a sigh, “I have to go back to work.”

“So, I suppose you won’t do the photoshoot with him?”, Lizzy asked, innocently.

“Very funny, but no, I’m won't”, he watched her roll her eyes, “I have work then”. He wasn’t lying.

“Well, can’t do anything about that”, she shrugged, and also got up to hug him. He didn’t like how easy she let it go.

David was stressed. He had mock exams next week and he still hasn’t studied. He has also a ten-page paper to write and he hasn’t started. He also had a shift at the bar, at the market and at the café during the weekend and he wanted to tear his hair out, because he wasn’t doing anything currently. Yesterday was his only free day and he had spent it sleeping and procrastinating. He had some time today, too, before his shift in the bar, and he was still procrastinating. He felt like crying. He knew he had to work, but he wasn’t. He just played on his phone while he was trying to talk himself out of a panic attack.

He heard the door unlock. Lucifer, who was lying on his stomach, stood up, and made his way towards the door. David felt a bit better, knowing he would catch Vicky before his shift.

“Baby!”, he heard her greet Lucifer. After a few more minutes she appeared in the living room, Lucifer in her arms.

“David!”, she greeted him just as enthusiastically, “God, when was the last time we saw each other, what the hell?”, she laughed. He got up from the sofa, as she came to hug him. As he hugged her back, he started thinking about Laura, his sister, and he felt a bit sad. He should call her soon.

“I’ll just change clothes, and I’ll come back so we can talk”, she said as she let go of him, “Your shift starts in a few hours, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, be right back. Lizzy told me Matteo was bothering you?”, she yelled out as she changed her clothes.

“Yes!”, he felt himself getting annoyed just by thinking about Matteo, “apparently, he’s your best-”.

David was interrupted by the doorbell.

“Can you get that?”, Vicky asked.

“Sure”, he was already walking to the door, Lucifer following him, “Are you expecting someone?”

“No?”

David opened the door and was immediately tempted to close it again.

“What the fuck?”

Gorgeous blue eyes widened as they met his own.

“Are you stalking me?”, David blurred out, a bit more harshly than he intended. Lucifer hissed at Matteo at the same time.

“Teo, hi!”, Vicky was now next to him, smiling wild. Both he and Matteo stood frozen, while she looked between them.

“David lives with you?”

“Teo as in Matteo?”

They glared at each other.

“Uhm,” Vicky was obviously holding back a laugh, “I guess you know each other?”

“We kn-”, started Matteo, annoyed.

“Unfort-”, David also spoke up.

Both of them stopped without finishing their sentences and glared at each other again.

“Stop talking while I am talking”, David said shortly. Matteo squinted his eyes at him, and David hated himself for finding the gesture cute. God, the past weeks they’ve been getting on each other’s nerves. And while David was at work, other people were annoying him. His home was the only place he could relax, and now that was tainted, because _Matteo_ was here.

“David, will you let him come in?”

_No, _David wanted to say, but he knew he couldn’t, because he would just be ignored. He stepped aside and Matteo walked pass him, shoving him slightly with his shoulder. Before David could react, though, Lucifer had scratched Matteo’s ankle as he toed off his shoes.

“Lucifer, no!”, Vicky scolded. David scooped up the cat in his arms, petting it between its ears.

“Good girl”, he whispered, when both Vicky and Matteo left the hallway. Lucifer purred in response.

David was going to go straight to his room, but then he thought _why should I?_ It was his own fucking home. He wasn’t going to hide just because Matteo was here.

He went into the living room, flopping down on the couch, Lucifer resuming its position on his stomach. He resumed the game on his phone, when he heard them talking from the kitchen.

“You said you wanted to talk?”, Vicky asked, a hint of amusement in her voice.

“Yeah, well…”, Matteo didn’t finish.

David wasn’t planning on listening to them, honestly. He didn’t care what Matteo had to say. It wasn’t his fault they were so fucking loud.

He tried hard to concentrate on his game, but then Matteo started speaking again… in another language. Italian, maybe?

Vicky burst out laughing and yelled, “Oh my god, you are impossible, you know he-”, but he shushed her, saying something again. It sounded mean, but Vicky just laughed it off.

David knew he should be pissed. Did Matteo think David cared what they talked about? Though, he couldn’t get angry really, because he could feel himself blushing. Matteo was still talking, he could barely hear him, but the way his voice sounded made him feel weird. It made his heartbeat pick up. He could only imagine what Matteo looked like while he talked. He sounded annoyed, so he was probably glaring or rolling his eyes, gestures David had seen too many times already. He was probably frowning, too – his nice lips twisted downwards in a familiar way. Man, David couldn’t get over his voice, though. It sounded different, like he was being more expressive. But, it was probably normal, Italian language was an express-

Why was he thinking so hard about this? He sighed and dropped his phone on the other side of the couch and rubbed his face with his hands, hoping it would make his blush go away. He turned his attention to Lucifer. He felt like the cat was silently judging him. David wanted to pet it, but Lucifer just hoped off the couch and started walking towards the kitchen.

David sighed and leaned back. He couldn’t believe he got all hot and bothered because of a cute boy talking in a foreign language. His phone pinged and he reached out for it, checking for the new notification he had.

Leonie (History class)

(21:42) kiki and carlos are having a party at their new place and you are invited

David groaned, he was just about to type _sorry, I can’t_, but Leonie beat him to it.

Leonie (History class)

(21:43) and you can’t say no.

He supposed he could try telling her _no_ in person tomorrow, but he knew there wouldn’t be a point. He didn’t know her too well, but he knew that once she had decided something, it was happening.

His thoughts were interrupted by Vicky.   
“David are you gonna eat before work?”

He glanced at his phone again. He should be heading out for work soon.

“Work?”, he heard Matteo softly ask.

“Yes, Matteo, people like us have to work”, Vicky teased him.

“No, I’m fine”, he yelled back.

“Do you have to yell?”, Matteo shouted back and David felt his blood boiling. Of course he had to annoy David, but _of fucking course_.

“Fuck off!”

Later that night, or, well, morning, when he came back to his apartment, Matteo was still there. He was asleep, though, on their couch. David wondered why a rich kid like him preferred to sleep on their old, beat up couch, when he probably had a king size bed.

But, he looked peaceful. David felt the urge to run his fingers through his hair, because it looked soft. As soon as that mind crossed his mind he ran towards his room, slamming the door harder than necessary.

This was bad.

David couldn’t even enjoy the weekend, because he had work. He felt like he would go insane. If he wasn’t working, he had to be studying, if he wasn’t studying he just couldn’t stop thinking about Matteo. He was kind of glad that he relented and agreed on going to the party. Hopefully, he could get drunk and forget about all this shit for a while.

David glanced at the clock on the café. He had three more hours to go. At least, it was his last day of working here. It wasn’t that bad, honestly, but it was a bit too much for him.

Lizzy had texted him a couple of hours ago that she would swing by in the afternoon. What she didn’t tell him that she would be bringing Matteo.

He watched them enter the café. Elizabeth looked amazing, as always, but Matteo… Honestly, David felt like he was being attacked. Matteo dressed in all black – black oversized sweater, black skinny jeans, black beanie, he even had eyeliner on that made his blue eyes stand out.

Right. They were doing the photoshoot today.

David couldn’t deal with this.

“I’m taking my break now”, he said to Lea, his co-worker. David went out of the backdoor in the staff room. He leaned on the wall, closing his eyes.

If things were different, if Matteo had been anyone else and if David had been… No, there was no use thinking about useless things like this. He just had to keep his head low and then he would be free. He had already broken some of his rules, he couldn’t keep doing it. He had to stop being so obsessed with Matteo. It was getting harder to ignore the way his chest tightened or how his stomach made flips around Matteo. He should stop doing this, before it got too far.

When he came back from his break, Lizzy was sitting alone, working on her laptop. He grabbed a piece of cake and went to her table, already forming an excuse in his mind.

David stood in front of Kiki’s and Carlos’ new house, thinking how much he hated rich people.

Who gave their kids a fucking house for their fourth anniversary?

“It’s not bad”, Leonie had said next to him. Sara humming in agreement with her on his other side.

“I mean for a first house it’s pretty good.”

First house? What?

“Their parents wanted them to start form the bottom, you know”, Leonie explained, “So, they bought them a one-story house. Kiki was very upset about it.”

David hated rich people, he really did.

Overall, it wasn’t bad really. It wasn’t like Vicky’s parties, or the parties his sister used to have, but it was fun. He was actually having fun. The perks of being around rich people was that at least the alcohol was good.

He was mixing drinks for some of his classmates in order to avoid Leonie and Sara. It was a bit weird with Leonie. She kept clinging to him, staying too close. He realised where this was going and he didn’t know what to do. So, he avoided her. At least, his classmates were having fun, being immensely impressed by his skills. 

But, of course, he couldn’t keep doing it. Leonie had bragged in the kitchen, dragging him out of it despite the protests of the others in the room. She pushed him towards the living room

He didn’t know how it happened. They were dancing then she leaned and kissed him. He froze on the spot, but then she slipped her hand under his shirt, and okay, no, _no, abort_. David leaned back, offered her a small awkward smile and pushed her gently towards Sara. He then quickly got out of the room. Some guys were calling his name, but he didn’t want to deal with them. He just wanted to go somewhere where he could just breathe. 

He slipped into the first door he found, closing it quickly behind him, leaned on it with his eyes closed, taking deep breaths. That was close. That was really fucking close. This is what happened when he let his guard down, he slipped up, Leonie could have-

“You’ve got to be kidding me”, he heard a familiar voice. He opened his eyes and saw Matteo, lying in the bathtub, a joint in his mouth.

“What are you doing here?”, he asked, harshly. Matteo just raised his eyebrows at him, and David hated how cute his expression was.

David was going to leave, there was no way he would stay in the same room with Matteo without strangling him. But, then he heard Leonie calling his name, and well. He could put up with it for a few seconds.

“Looks like we are in the same boat”, he heard Matteo say, bitterly. He wanted to snap at him, tell him to not fucking talk to him, but then he heard Sara calling out Matteo’s name.

“I guess we are”, David sighed as he rubbed his face with his hands. It got silent between them.

“Do you want some?”, Matteo asked after a few seconds and waved around the joint in his hand, nonchalantly. Obviously, David was about to say _fuck no_, but then, he thought about it. He wasn’t really in the mood to party anymore. He was alone here and he didn’t have to be polite to Matteo, who also seemed to just want to get away for a few seconds. They didn’t have to talk to each other.

He shrugged and made his way to the bathtub. It was quite small, which surprised him. He sat between Matteo’s ankles. And, tentatively placed his own on each side of Matteo’s hips. He ignored the way his stomach flipped from the proximity, how his heart was hammering in his chest and how he felt like his skin was burning where he had rested his legs over Matteo’s. This was such a bad idea.

He reached out to take the joint, hating how much his hands were shaking. He tried not to think about how he was putting his lips on the same place Matteo’s were, because that was pathetic. He took a hit, letting himself relax. Then, he gave the joint back to Matteo. He could swear he could feel tiny electrical shocks where their fingers touched. They smoked in silence for a while, when, of course, Matteo spoke up.

“Why are you avoiding your girlfriend?”

“Why are you avoiding yours?”, David shot back, a bit annoyed. He knew how he shouldn’t really be complaining, as it was his own fucking fault that he was in this position.

But, something about Matteo made him forget about what had happened. The mere presence of this boy made David’s blood boil. 

“Sara isn’t my girlfriend.”

“Leonie isn’t mine.”

“Oh, really?”, Matteo raised an eyebrow at him, but David ignored him. He took a deep hit, closing his eyes, letting the smoke fill in his lungs, hoping it would make him relax.

He hoped Matteo wouldn’t say anything else, but he spoke again, just as David passed him the joint.

“How come you moved so close to Abi?”, oh, so they were going to make small talk now? Like, they weren’t spitting insults at each other a day ago?

“I killed someone and I had to go into hiding”, David opened his eyes and saw Matteo huffing out a laugh. He had a really nice smile, David realised.

“Should I be worried?”, Matteo raised an eyebrow, smirking. David looked away from him.

“If you keep annoying me, yeah”, he reached out and took the joint from Matteo’s fingers, carefully, as to not to touch him.

“I’m the one annoying you? You started it!”, Matteo pouted and David got a bit distracted.

“You puked on me”, he retorted.

“You didn’t even let me apologise for that.”

“It’s not like you tried to apologise.”

“I did!”, Matteo snapped back, smoking coming out of his nose and mouth.

“Whatever”, David didn’t want to deal with this. He didn’t want Matteo to apologise, because then he would not have a reason to keep hating him, which proved to be becoming more and more difficult.

They sat in a somewhat comfortable silence. David had closed his eyes, feeling more and more relaxed.

“It’s 12:12, we should make a wish”, Matteo’s voice made him open his eyes. He was right in front of David, holding the joint near David’s mouth. David couldn’t do anything, except part his lips and let Matteo put the blunt in his mouth. He hoped he wasn’t blushing. Matteo leaned back, smirking.

“Did you think of a wish?”, he asked, quietly.

“Do you really believe in this shit?”, David answered. He knew he was being a bit mean, but this – having Matteo so close, looking at him like _that_ was a bit too much. He wanted to go back to arguing, it was so much easier.

“C’mon you have a minute”, Matteo urged him, but then, he glanced back at the clock and pouted. David shoved the joint between his lips to make him change his expression.

“Too late, now”, Matteo sighed. David actually felt bad. He really was being mean for no reason.

“What did you want to wish for?”, he asked, trying to sound casual.

“I want you”, Matteo killed the joint and threw it in the sink, “to stop hating me.”

“I don’t hate you”, David quickly answered. As much as he didn’t want to admit it to himself, he really didn’t hate Matteo, despite wanting to.

“Could have fooled me”, Matteo mumbled. He looked sad. David was overwhelmed with the urge to lean forward and… he didn’t know what… hug him?

“Sorry”, he settled on apologising.

“No, I’m sorry”, Matteo said, “I didn’t mean to puke on you.”

David huffed out a laugh.

“I wasn’t mad about that”, he said and Matteo looked at him, surprised, “I was just annoyed that you used my bed to fuck Fran-”

“What?”, Matteo looked disgusted, “I didn’t fuck Franco!”

“But, you were-”, David didn’t know why he felt so relieved, “he said that you were together.”

“We are not”, the blond boy in front of him shuddered at the thought, “and I didn’t even know he was on the bed with me.”

David was too high and drunk for this. His head hurt just thinking about it. So, he had all this grudges for nothing? But, what about Leonie? A million questions filled his thoughts. He couldn't really believe he might have been wrong for Matteo.

He looked at Matteo and realised that none of this mattered. He could think about it in the morning.

“So, ceasefire?”, Matteo reached out his hand, looking hopeful. David huffed out a laugh. _Fuck this_. David took it in his own and shook it.

“Ceasefire.”


	4. he's not into me, pt.1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!! i'm sorry about the delay, but... life happened and writing was hard. however, this was supposed to be the second to last chapter, but it got sosososo long, so i decided to split it in two! and it's still too long haha. it's only half of the chapter and it's like 8k i'm sorry.
> 
> but, still! i hope you like it! 
> 
> also, i know i say this all the time, but i really meant it when i say that i'm sososos grateful for your comments! you guys have no idea how happy you make my cold, dead, insecure heart! thank you so much! <3

_he's not into me, pt.1_

David didn’t know how many hours had passed.

They hadn’t moved from their spot in the bathtub. They just kept on talking. It was weird how they never really ran out of topics to discuss. He was surprised how easy it was with Matteo. How easy it was to talk to him, to just be himself. Matteo had this thing that made him feel seen, like he actually wanted to know more about David, like everything David was telling him was interesting and important.

“Wait? You work two jobs?”, Matteo asked, surprised, “Isn’t that illegal?”

“My sister knows both of my bosses, so it’s fine”, David explained.

“You don’t live with your sister?”, David shook his head, “Don’t you miss her?”

David smiled.

“Yeah, a lot.”

Also Matteo was really funny, and he seemed to like David’s sarcastic, deadpan humour. It wasn’t like David was actively trying to make Matteo laugh. But, after the first time David heard him laugh, like properly laugh, clutching at his sides, not being able to breathe laugh, it started being a thing David wanted to hear again. He liked how Matteo had looked – his cheeks red, his mouth stretched in a wide smile, his pupils dilated, the black almost hiding the gorgeous blue of his eyes. He didn’t even remember what he had said, but he really wanted to see Matteo like this again – all free and happy. Maybe it was the weed and alcohol that made Matteo let out his emotions more freely, but David liked it. It was something different from the nonchalant front he had.

“I hate how everyone is asking me what I’m going to do after school. How am I supposed to know?”, Matteo frowned.

“It’s fine if you don’t know yet”, David offered as a response.

“Do you know what you want to do?”, Matteo asked, smiling again.

“Yeah, I want to make films.”

It made David’s heart ache. He wanted Matteo to be always like this all smiley and carefree, he had a nice smile after all. There was always an air of melancholy around him. Even when he was with the boys or Vicky. David had noticed how he always looked a bit distracted, a bit sad. He had noticed a lot of things about Matteo the last few weeks.

He didn’t look sad now, though.

“David? Are you listening?”, Matteo poked his hip with the tip of his shoe and David scowled.

“Yeah”, he answered and then proceeded to untie Matteo’s sneakers. The blond boy protested and kicked him harder. God, what was David thinking? Their little moment here didn’t change the fact that Matteo was fucking insufferable and David couldn’t stand him.

_Really_, David heard a voice in his head that sounded too much like Elizabeth, _you are gonna keep lying to yourself that you hate the guy after spending five minutes thinking about his laugh. Really, David?_

“Dude, you aren’t listening!”, Matteo pouted. God, he was really pretty. Under the fluorescent lights his skin looked pale, but it made his eyes stand out.

“I told you I am!”, David wanted to kick him back, but Matteo caught his ankle. Suddenly, David felt like he couldn’t breathe.

“Oh, man you are really warm”, Matteo tightened his grip, “are you okay?”

David wasn’t okay.

It was the moments like this that really messed with his head. It was easy with Matteo, yeah, sure, but sometimes there would be a lull in the conversation, a comfortable silence between them, when Matteo would look at him from under his lashes with a shy smile and a look that made David’s heart flip.

He wasn’t stupid, okay? He knew he was attracted to Matteo, because Matteo was so fucking pretty. David knew that from the moment he saw those goddamn pictures, but that didn’t mean anything. He found a lot of people cute. Elizabeth, for example, was beautiful. Vicky, too. There was also this guy from his history class that always wore a turtleneck that was very pretty. Even Franco was objectively attractive. He was surrounded by pretty people, but he couldn’t understand why Matteo was the one that made him feel like his stomach was doing somersaults. 

Perhaps, if the circumstances were different, David would be trying to do more than talking with Matteo, but he had learned his lesson. He had _rules_, to prevent the same thing from happening, to protect himself. And, Matteo might be gorgeous, but he wasn’t _that_ gorgeous to make him break his own rules.

Matteo said something again and grinned, and, okay, maybe he _was _that beautiful.

David shook his head, slapped his cheeks and rubbed his face with his palms to make himself calm down. It was because of the weed and alcohol. Everything would be back to normal tomorrow. Matteo and David would ignore each other and they would be able to move on with their lives. It was going to be fine.

“Dude”, Matteo looked at him, confused, “I really don’t get you.”

David just rolled his eyes.

“I need to use the bathroom”, someone from the outside yelled.

“There’s one on the second floor”, Matteo yelled back.

“Seriously?”

A lot of people had come to bang on the door and yell at whoever they thought was in to get out, but they always ignored it. The first time it happened, David was a bit worried that Matteo would want to go, but Matteo had just shrugged and continued talking about some game he was playing.

Sara had texted David to tell him that she was taking Leonie home. He showed the text to Matteo, joking that _the coast is clear_, but Matteo had just asked him what his favourite movie was, not really looking at the message.

It was nice to know that Matteo was also enjoying their time together, no matter how weird it made David feel.

David had managed to calm down from his mini-freak out about Matteo. He started paying attention to the story Matteo was telling him, something about Abdi and Carlos, when they were interrupted yet again. This time, though, someone yelled that the police was here. David looked at Matteo, horrified.

“Chill, they are probably going to make us turn down the music”, Matteo said. But, that didn’t make David feel better. That wasn’t the issue.

“Are they going to ID us?”, he asked, hating how panicked he sounded.

Usually, it wouldn’t be a problem, but he didn’t want to show his ID here, not in front of Matteo and possibly other people, because he knew that the police would ask questions and he didn’t want to deal with this _here_.

“Uh, probably?”, Matteo answered, nonchalantly. But he frowned when he saw how worried David was, “Don’t worry about it.”

How could he not worry, though? David got up from the bathtub, despite Matteo’s protests, making his way quickly towards the door.

“Are you on the run? Calm down”, Matteo joked, but he sounded concerned. He followed David out of the bathroom. But, just as David went out he saw a police officer standing in the other end of the hallway. He started walking backwards, pushing Matteo in the room, before the officer noticed them.

“Hey! Wait!”, he heard the woman call after them as he closed the door.

“Shit,” he swore, biting his lip. Matteo was in front of him, standing a bit too close, if he had to be honest. He could make out each freckle that littered across his face, _okay, wow, now is not the time_. 

“Did you actually kill someone?”, Matteo asked, wide-eyed. David would have laughed, if he wasn’t panicking so much.

“Get out!”, the woman yelled and David could swear his heart stopped. He didn’t want to do this. He didn’t want to-

“Let’s go”, Matteo whispered, grabbing his wrist and pulling him towards the window. They quickly got out through it, ending up in the backyard. Another officer spotted them, and asked them to come over, but Matteo just pulled him towards the fence.

The police officer was yelling after them, but Matteo just told him to hurry up. This was probably the first time David was running away from the police.

They jumped over the fence and Matteo started running down the street. David was, of course, running after him, and it didn’t take him long to pass him. He turned around to check up on Matteo, but he almost tripped and fell. Matteo was grinning, trying to catch up with him, his face red, but his eyes were so bright even in the shitty light, coming from the streetlamps.

The police officer was also trying to catch up with them.

At some point Matteo got tired, and slowed down, but overwhelmed with adrenaline, David just grabbed his wrist and started pulling him, trying to help him keep up. After a few more minutes, Matteo’s hand slipped down and he intertwined their fingers, pulling David back to slow down.

“Dude, it’s fine”, Matteo said, while trying to catch his breath. He really was struggling.

“Oh, he’s gone”, David just realised that they were alone.

“No shit. Man, what the hell”, Matteo looked like couldn’t breathe. He finally let go of David’s hand and lied down on the sidewalk, breathing hard.

“Pathetic”, David said, smiling over him.

“Shut the fuck up, Mr. Advanced P.E.”, Matteo flipped him off.

“Let’s go”, David gently poked Matteo’s calve with his foot, “there is a bus-stop just around the corner”.

“Fuck, no, I’m not moving”, Matteo tried to kick him. David decided he should let him rest for a few minutes. They did run for a while. He sat down next to Matteo’s feet.

This is what he was talking about. It was so easy with him. Matteo didn’t even try to make him explain what his problem with the police was. He just understood that David wanted to get away. And, Matteo didn’t have to run away with him, but he did. And, David was glad he did. He wanted to stay with Matteo a bit longer.

Which honestly didn’t make any sense to David. He knew he confused other people, but now he was confusing himself. He was tired of the contradicting feeling he had about Matteo. He wanted to stay with him and leave as soon as possible at the same time. He wanted to get close to him, but also push him away. He liked him and he disliked him.

He couldn’t be bothered to think about this now. Tomorrow, he would analyse this whole situation, tonight, he would stop thinking about what all of this meant.

“Hey, my place is close”, Matteo startled him out of his thoughts.

“What?”, David looked at him, but Matteo had his eyes closed and his arms over his face.

“My house is a ten minute walk from here. Do you want to come?”, Matteo peeked at him from under his arms.

_Yes_, was the answer that came immediately to him. But, he knew he should say no. David took out his phone and looked at the time. It was 4:13 am. He should go home.

But, he really didn’t want to. He didn’t want this to end.

Matteo was waiting patiently for him.

“Give me a sec”, David quickly opened him messaging app and tapped on one of the chats, not really expecting anything.

**me**

(4:13) yes or no

**Laura**

(4:14) yes

(4:15) what is this about?

David huffed out a laugh. He realised even if she had said no or hadn’t responded, he would have gone. He didn’t respond to her message. He put away his phone in his pocket and looked at Matteo again.

“Yeah, okay”.

Matteo grinned at him and David marvelled at his sister’s ability to always make the right choice.

After five more minutes Matteo got up, and he pulled David with him. They started walking in the opposite direction from the bus-stop.

They walked in silence, but then, because for some reason David really wanted to talk to Matteo about something, he asked, “Why does Leonie hate you so much?”.

Matteo didn’t say anything at first, and David thought he wouldn’t answer, but then he sighed and spoke up, “We used to be best friends”, he chuckled, “Me, Leonie and Jonas grew up together”.

It surprised David. Well, he knew Jonas and Matteo were friends, and that Jonas was Leonie’s ex, but he wouldn’t have thought that they used to be close.

“Then, they started dating, and it was kind of shitty”, David could see they were coming closer and closer to an enormous house. The closer they got, the slower Matteo started walking.

“Some shit happened and she thought Jonas was cheating on her and I…”, Matteo stopped in front of the fence that surrounded the house, just by the gate, “I let her believe it. I knew he wasn’t, but I still didn’t say anything. After they broke up, she found out that I led her on, and yeah, she didn’t really take it well.”

David didn’t know what to tell him. It was a shitty situation.

“Why didn’t you want to tell her?”, David leaned on the fence. Matteo mirrored the action. They were standing face to face.

“I wanted them to break up”, he answered, but he wasn’t looking at David. He was staring down at the space between their feet, his shoulders slumped.

“Why?”

Matteo looked at him, biting his lip. He looked reserved. His expression was neutral, but his eyes still looked sad. It was obvious this was still bothering him.

“Guess.”

It wasn’t really hard to guess. David though about Franco and how much he resembled Jonas.

“This sucks”, he said, without really knowing what else he should say. Matteo huffed out a laugh.

“Yeah”, he looked down again, “nobody from school or my family knows. So, uh, I would-”

“I won’t say anything, don’t worry”, David quickly interrupted him. He would have laughed at the irony of the whole situation – of Matteo worrying that David would out him, but it really wasn’t funny. 

“Thanks”, Matteo smiled at him.

“Can I ask you something else?”, there was one more thing that was bothering David.

“Sure.”

“It’s about Sara”, David regretted asking, because Matteo frowned, but he continued, “Why did you…”.

“Have you”, Matteo took a deep breath, “have you ever wanted to be a part of something without having to always explain yourself?”

David didn’t know how to react. Because he did know this feeling. He knew it well. It made him feel sad that Matteo felt like this. But, he was scared he would reveal too much if he said anything. So he kept his mouth shut, kept looking at Matteo, who just smiled at him.

“Let’s go in”, Matteo said.

He took out his keys and unlocked the fence gate. David couldn’t see much in the dark, but he knew the garden they were walking through was huge. God, he had forgotten that Matteo was one of the rich kids in his school.

Matteo didn’t use the front door. He walked around the house and let David pass through another door that led to a staircase. David looked back at him questioningly, but Matteo just nodded at him, signalling to go up. After they had climbed the stairs, they found themselves in front of couple of doors. Matteo looked almost shy as he let in David through one of the doors and turned on the light.

The room was probably bigger that David’s and Vicky’s rooms combined.

David couldn’t help but stare in awe. It was a nice room. He was right about the king sized bed, though. It was surprisingly tidy and strangely impersonal. There weren’t many pictures, or… anything, really. No posters, no books, no CDs, nothing. It was just a bedroom, but it didn’t look like Matteo’s bedroom. He also expected Matteo’s room to be messier. But, then, it hit him.

“Do you have a maid?”, he asked, amused.

Matteo looked away annoyed.

“Oh my god, you do”, David laughed, “holy shit”.

“Fuck off”, Matteo started walking towards the balcony, but before that he stopped by his bed, pulling something out from the dresser next to it. He held up the joint in front of him, a question in his eyes, “Do you want?”

“Okay”, David said. He felt strangely nervous to be alone in Matteo’s room, so he thought this would make him relax, like it did when they were in Kiki’s and Carlos’ bathroom.

Matteo probably regretted inviting him to the balcony, because once they were there, he groaned.

“Please, don’t be annoying about this”, he said as he lit up the joint.

“What are you talking abou-”, David looked around and then he saw it. There was a glass door in the other end of the balcony. He could see a pool through it.

“Fuck”, he laughed, “Oh my god, I can’t believe this”, he walked towards the door, Matteo following him with a sigh. 

“You have a fucking pool! Attached to your bedroom!”, David shook his head, “Rich people are something else, man.”

“Shut up”, Matteo bumped their shoulders as he passed David to go inside the room.

David followed him, looking around the room. It wasn’t very big, but it had enormous windows, which looked over the garden they had walked through. Matteo took a seat at one of the chaise-longues. David sat on the one next to him.

“Must be great”, David commented wistfully, “Not having to worry about anything.”

At that, Matteo snorted.

“What do you know?”, he mumbled. David remembered why he was so annoyed with Matteo in the first place. How come when Matteo had everything he wanted, he still looked so… so apathetic? David would have killed to have this, to not have to work two jobs, to live with his parents, to never have to worry about whether he would have anything to eat the next day, yet Matteo was treating all of this like it was a fucking burden.

“Yeah, I bet you have it very difficult. It’s probably very hard to choose between Paris and Santorini for your next vacation. Poor you.” Honestly, David didn’t know why he was trying to pick a fight with Matteo. Probably, because he didn’t know how to feel about everything that had happened in the past few hours. Matteo was getting too close to him. This tentative friendship was a new territory, but arguing? Arguing was the way they communicated with each other. It was something familiar, safe.

He hoped Matteo would snap back at him, but he just closed his eyes and took a drag.

“Where would you go?”, Matteo asked as he passed the joint.

“What?”, David wasn’t following.

“Where would you go on a vacation? Paris or Santorini”, he was smirking as he looked at David.

“Detroit”, he answered without a thought.

“Detroit? That’s so far away.”

“That’s the point”, David stubbed out the joint in the ashtray that was on the floor, near where he was sitting. He leaned back and stared straight ahead at the windows.

“I get it”, Matteo said, and David wanted to scoff. He wanted to make another mean comment, but when he looked at Matteo, he looked so, so sad. He always looked like was somewhere far away. He felt guilty for being so judgemental towards him without a reason, really, but he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t imagine what kind of problems kids like Matteo had.

“I really do, you know”, Matteo added quietly. He had his eyes closed, so David took the opportunity to stare at him.

“Sure”, he said after a few seconds, without really meaning it.

“My life isn’t as perfect as you think it is”, David felt his blood starting to boil. The nerve Matteo had to say this while they were sitting in the pool room, attached to his bedroom.

“That’s a bit hard to believe”, he snapped. Matteo opened his eyes and looked at him. He didn’t look angry or annoyed. He had a pensive smile on his face.

“So, what’s in Detroit?”, Matteo changed the subject. David felt bad for trying to purposely pick a fight with him. It was stupid. Matteo had been nothing but nice to him, yet, David decided he had to act like an asshole for no good reason. What did he know about Matteo anyway, that wasn’t second-hand information? The things he had learned tonight had seriously messed with his head and feelings.

Their relationship had made a full 180. It was weird, at least to him. It was out of his control. He didn’t want this to happen.

But, could you blame him? This whole thing was confusing. Matteo was nice and funny and so fucking pretty. And, hating him was easier than whatever was happening now.

David had always liked being in control. He liked being organised, he liked being able to do things in his own pace. But, he couldn’t control his feelings. He couldn’t control what he felt and that scared him.

David realised that he was overthinking again. It was just one night where they didn’t insult each other. Why was he trying so hard to make it seem more than it was?

Matteo had asked him a question.

“What do you mean?”, he looked at him, “Best music city ever”, he couldn’t help the smile that bloomed on his face. Matteo raised his eyebrows but he smiled back.

After Matteo yawned for the fifth time, David realised it was probably very, very late… or early? He wasn’t sure. He noticed that the sun was rising. _Shit_. He took out his phone to check the time. David had been pretty much neglecting his phone after texting Laura, so he was surprised at the amount of messages he had.

**Vicky**

(04:45) David where tf r u???

(04:56) srsly just text me so i know u r okay??

(05:12) DAVID

And a couple more like this from Vicky. He even had one from Lizzy. The weird thing was that Vicky hadn’t tried to call him. And her last message was:

**Vicky**

(05:45) oh. i see how it is ;)

Which, he didn’t know how to decipher. He didn’t think too much about it. He had given up on understanding Vicky.

It was 6:38. He had spent the whole night talking to Matteo and he still didn’t want it to end. He hadn’t felt tired, he hadn’t felt the pain in his ribs, all he had concentrated was the boy next to him.

Matteo was smiling softly at him from his place on the chaise-longue. And for the hundredth time David thought about how beautiful he was. It had gotten quiet between them, and David felt a familiar tightening in his chest. He wished things were different. He wished he could let himself get close to Matteo, get to know him more.

But, he couldn’t.

With a sigh, he got up.

“I think I should get going”, he stretched his arms above him, closing his eyes, enjoying the pull of his muscles.

“Uh”, he looked at Matteo, who had a weird expression on his face, “do you want breakfast? Before you go?”

David was about to decline, but his stomach grumbled. Matteo snorted.

“Come on”, he also got up and started walking out of the room.

As they made their way towards the kitchen, David noticed that there were pictures in the hallways. He walked slowly after Matteo, trying to look at them through the darkness. One made him stop in his tracks.

There was a small blond boy in the arms of an older man. Both people were very familiar to David. One was currently ushering him to hurry up and the other one was his fucking principal.

Though, David could appreciate that Matteo had been a cute kid. His hair was messier than it was now, but he was smiling widely at the camera, two of his front teeth were missing.

He couldn’t understand why Matteo had a picture with the principal, though.

“David?”, Matteo had made his way half-way through the stairs, when he looked back at David, “David!”

He walked back up with a sigh to look at what David was looking at. David looked expectantly at him, waiting for an explanation.

“What?”, Matteo whispered, annoyed.

“What do you mean what?”, David snapped back, “What is this?”

“It’s me?”, Matteo answered slowly, as if David was stupid.

“No shit”, he said, irritated, “why is the principal with you?”

“Oh”, Matteo’s expression changed to a one that was neutral, distant, “you didn’t know? He’s my father.”

It all made sense now. That was why Matteo got away with so much shit in school.

“Are you going to be annoying about this, too?”, Matteo asked, one eyebrow raised. David wanted to say yes, just to spite him, but something made him stop.

He didn’t know much about Matteo. He had already been judgemental enough without a reason. Just by Matteo’s face he could tell he had a complicated relationship with his parents. And, David knew what it was like.

He just shoved Matteo towards the stairs.

“So, how do you feel about a sandwiches?”, Matteo asked, grinning, from where he was standing in front of the enormous fridge.

“I like them?”, David answered, a bit unsure. Matteo just nodded and started pulling out some… questionable things, some of which were pickles and whipped cream.

“What are you…”

But, before David could say anything Matteo shushed him.

“Trust the process”, Matteo winked at him, and David felt himself blushing, “this is a special Matteo Florenzi sandwich.”

David stared at the monstrosity in front of him and Matteo’s stupid expectant pretty face.

“I dare you to eat it”, Matteo grabbed one of the sandwiches, and waited for David to do the same, “Bon appetite”, he added.

David didn’t want to. He had watched while Matteo put whipped cream in the sandwich.

But, looking at Matteo’s brilliant grin, he couldn’t really do anything but take the sandwich in his hands and take a bite at the same time as Matteo. David had never been one to back out of a challenge.

“Weird”, he said after he managed to swallow the bite, “but good.”

“It’s disgusting”, Matteo said and both of them burst into laughter. Honestly, maybe it was because David was really hungry, but he didn’t mind it that much. Both of them finished their sandwiches quickly, grimacing the whole time.

“The chef comes at seven usually, so if you want a real breakfast, you could wait”, Matteo said, but his stupid grin ruined the whole casual vibe he was going for.

“You have a chef?”, David was reminded how much he hated rich people.

“You don’t?”, Matteo asked, shocked. David slapped his shoulder.

“You have a chef and you gave me this?”, David reached for the towel that was placed near the sink, and started hitting Matteo with it, who was laughing, “I’m gonna take this as an attempt of my life.”

“Dramatic”, Matteo managed to catch his wrist, making him stop. Matteo’s fingers burned on his skins and David was getting really fucking sick of this – of his heartbeat picking up, of feeling like there were butterflies in his stomach and every other cliché he could think of.

Matteo stepped closer to him, smiling, still holding his hand.

“It was really cool with you”, he said. David felt like there was a lump in his throat. He was right, this was so much easier when they were arguing and insulting each other.

“Yeah”, he nodded.

“We should do this again”, Matteo’s voice was quiet, he looked shy.

David didn’t know what to say. Thankfully, he didn’t have to, because the door of the kitchen opened and a middle-aged man entered.

“Oh, good morning”, he greeted them when he finally noticed them. Oh, god. Matteo wasn’t kidding about the chef.

“Good morning”, Matteo said and pulled David out of the kitchen. When he looked back at him, he laughed at David’s face.

Finally, David made his way home at 8 am. He couldn’t believe how hard it was for him to leave. It was pathetic, really, but he didn’t want to. He wanted to spend more time with Matteo and it was driving him crazy. They had talked for one night_, one night_! And, David was making it a bigger deal than it was.

Whatever. It was over now. They were going to move on with their life now.

“Well, well, well”, Vicky was standing in the hallway, Lucifer in her arms, both of them looking way too smug for his liking, “look who decided to show up.”

“Sorry about yesterday”, David said, ignoring her comment, “didn’t meant to make you worry”. He started walking towards his room and she followed him.

“Yeah, that was pretty shitty of you”, Vicky let Lucifer out of her arms, and the cat quickly walked over to him, “But, I guess, I will forgive you”.

David didn’t say anything. He was trying to think of a polite way to tell her to leave him alone, because he was tired. He spotted a water bottle on his dresser and he realised how thirsty he was. He took it, and just as he was about to take a sip, Vicky spoke up again.

“So, how’s Matteo?”

“What?”, he almost dropped the bottle, “How do you know?”

“I checked your location”, she explained, “don’t look at me like that, I was worried about you! You didn’t say you weren’t coming home.”

David sighed. He was too tired to deal with her.

“Vicky, sorry, we’ll talk later, okay?”, he tried to gently push her out of the room, but she didn’t look like she was done. She walked pass him and sat on his bed.

“You know, Matteo is a good guy”, she started, “I know you didn’t like him at first, but if you-”

“Why are we talking about this?”, David was honestly feeling attacked. He hadn’t had time to process everything that had happened between him and Matteo, and now Vicky was doing this to him.

“I’m just saying! You can-”

“Vicky”, he pleaded. He didn’t want to think about this.

“Okay, okay”, she got up and walked through the door, “I’m just happy you are finally making friends.”

She sounded like Laura.

“We are not friends”, he stated, confidently.

“Boyfriends, then?”, Vicky smirked, “Damn, Schreibner, you work fast.”

“Out, get out!”

Vicky’s laugh echoed through his closed door.

David thought that after they’ve established a ceasefire, they wouldn’t talk to each other. They would just exist in the same space without acknowledging each other.

But, he was proven wrong when he got to school. He was taking some things out of his locker, when Matteo approached him.

“Na”, he leaned on the lockers next to David’s. David’s first reaction was to ask why are you talking to me, but he was caught off guard by Matteo’s smiling face. Fuck, he really had a nice smile. And, he looked so… soft? He didn’t know how to explain it. Matteo was wearing an oversized hideous grandpa sweater and black jeans. His hair was a mess as usual, but the way it fell over his eyes was so damn endearing to David. He could barely stop himself from reaching out and pushing it away from his eyes.

“Uh”, David cleared his throat, “Na?”.

Matteo smile grew impossibly wider. David had never seen him like this with anyone else. Not that he spent much time staring at him or anything. It was just that he would have noticed Matteo smiling like this. He didn’t think anyone wouldn’t.

“Was wondering if you felt like having sandwiches again?”, Matteo asked, a bit unsure.

“I was right”, David ignored the way his heartbeat had picked up, “you are trying to kill me”.

Matteo chuckled, “I’m not the one that actually confessed to a murder”.

“Shhh”, David looked around dramatically, pressing a finger to his lips. Matteo laughed and David hated how satisfied it made him feel.

“So?”, Matteo’s eyes were boring into his. David wished they still hated each other. How was he supposed to say no?

“Hey, guys!”, Kiki appeared next to them, smiling, “I’m just reminding you that we are going to have a meeting for the first prank every Friday until December, and it will be at Hanna’s place.”

Matteo and David looked at each other, then at Kiki.

“Meeting?”, Matteo asked, confused.

“Yes”, Kiki answered, her smile disappearing, “for the first prank. Both of you are in the prank committee.”

David remembered. Leonie and Sara had forced him to sign up. He sighed.

“Wait, I didn’t sign up?”, Matteo protested.

“Carlos said you did”, Kiki was now frowning. Matteo rolled his eyes.

“Anyway, we’ll see each other on Friday!”, with that she left, leaving no room for protests. Matteo banged his head on the lockers.

“I guess we have no choice”, David said, a small, tiny part of him was happy that he had an excuse to see Matteo again, without him actually initiating something. Because it didn’t mean anything, if he hadn’t started it.

“I guess we don’t”, Matteo sighed. Behind him, Leonie and Sara walked by, staring at both of them. Fuck. The past days his mind was occupied by Matteo, he had forgotten about what had happened between him and Leonie. This was going to be awkward.

“I have to go”, he said, finally closing his locker, “I’ll see you around?”

Matteo just smiled back at him.

At lunch he contemplated whether he should go to Sara and Leonie or hide. Thankfully, he didn’t have classes today with either of them, so avoiding the girls was easy.

Though, he did bump into Matteo a couple of times. They didn’t talk much besides exchanging a few _nas_ and smiling at each other, but it still made David feel like flowers were blooming in his chest.

“David”, Leonie was standing behind him, startling him out of his thoughts.

“Leonie, hi, uh”, he was thinking about how to let her down gently, but his mind was blank. Fuck, how could he forget about this?

“I’m sorry about what happened at the party”, straight to the point as always. That was what David liked about her.

“Uh, it’s okay”, he said, because, really, what else could he say?

“I was very drunk. Sorry, again”, she said, her voice was neutral, robotic even.

“It’s fine”, David assured her. She offer him a small smile.

“So, we are friends again?”, she said. David just nodded. He half-expected her to ask him why he was talking to Matteo in the morning, but she just nudged him to go to their usual table.

David felt like he was living a double life. Well, that was a bit dramatic, but. Half of the time he would spend with Leonie and Sara, and the other half with Matteo. The girls didn’t really say anything to him, when they saw them together, they actually ignored the whole thing, and David was glad.

Things with Matteo, though, were getting weird. At first they were pretty friendly with each other, but then, they started talking more and more. David realised it was his own fault for letting it spiral so much. But, he couldn’t help it. He like talking to Matteo. He kept seeking him out in the hallways, he kept sitting next to him in the classes they shared. Sometimes he would come earlier to school to meet up with him on the rooftop. Matteo had even dropped by the bar he worked at.

He knew he shouldn’t be doing this to himself, but then Matteo would smile at him, look at him in a certain way and he would feel like he was being pulled towards him.

David realised he was truly fucked when, as they were about to go to the last prank meeting before December, Matteo stopped him from entering Hanna’s house with the words, “Let’s skip.”

David hadn’t wasted a second to think. He just grinned and followed Matteo.

They had walked around Berlin, talking about nothing in particular, when David started recognising the area they were in. He turned to Matteo.

“Hey, come”, and he started walking towards the fence on the other side of the road. It wasn’t a problem for him to jump over it, but Matteo groaned as David waited expectantly.

“Seriously?”, he asked. David just raised his eyebrow in response. Matteo climbed the fence, obviously putting in a lot of effort, and nearly hurt himself as he jumped down.

“Good job”, David said as he started walking towards the building. Matteo shoved him and tried to brush his hands on his jacket.

“Holy shit”, Matteo exclaimed once they entered the room. David had seen an article about the abandoned pool before he had moved to Berlin. He had wanted to come here ever since. Matteo looked at him, eyes wide, and David grinned. They made their way down and when both of them were in the pool, David looked at Matteo with a challenge in his eyes. Matteo smirked back at him, and both started running. Once they reached the deep end, David winning, of course, they slid down the wall, breathing heavily.

“This is so much better than the prank meeting”, Matteo said. Then, probably because of the echo, he started whistling. After he was done, he looked at David, grinning.

“Kiki is going to kill us”, David huffed.

“Who cares”, Matteo leaned back and closed his eyes, still smiling.

“You know, we are under water right now”, David broke the silence, because it was making him feel nervous. Matteo didn’t open his eyes, but he moved his hands lazily, as if he was swimming. Then, he glanced at David, his smile turning shy.

And, David was overwhelmed with the urge to kiss him.

He cleared his throat and looked away. This was bad.

This was really, really bad.

“Everything is fucking me up at the moment”, Matteo said. David turned to him again, surprised at his honesty. He had noticed that Matteo was a bit off the past few days, but he hadn’t said anything. The blond boy looked at him, too. He looked so, so sad it made David’s heart ache. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. He didn’t want Matteo to be sad, but he didn’t know how to help him.

David didn’t think much about it. He reached out and took Matteo’s hand in his own. His action surprised the boy, but after a few seconds Matteo squeezed his hand.

“Stress with your parents?”, David asked, gently. He wanted Matteo to talk to him, if he thought it would make him feel better.

“Stress with everyone”, Matteo answered.

After a few minutes, David spoke up again.

“We could always go to Detroit.”

It earned him a chuckle from Matteo. Once again, David realised how truly fucked he was, because if Matteo had asked him to run away right now, he would have done it.

After that he felt like something had changed between them. Something shifted between them, there was tension, because the casual touches didn’t feel so casual anymore, and all those lingering looks were keeping David up at night. He didn’t know when it happened. Matteo was no longer just a random, distant, good-looking boy. In the span of just a couple of weeks he had become so much more, and David wanted even more.

It was like neither his heart nor his brain got the memo that they _couldn’t have this_. He couldn’t risk the friendship he had with Matteo, the life he had built for something so, so unsure. He couldn’t do it.

But, every time he would convince himself that he would distant himself from Matteo, every time he thought he had this under control, everything would go out of the window, the minute Matteo smiled at him, said something to him, or was just near him. 

This was bad, so, so bad.

In a moment of despair David called Laura.

“It’s nice to know you haven’t forgotten about m-”

“I fucked up.”

“What happened?”, he hated how worried she sounded, but he didn’t know what to do.

“So, you know that guy, I told you about?”, David paced around his room, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“No, Lizzy told me about him”, Laura corrected him, “but, yeah, Matteo. What happened?”

“I think”, god, David couldn’t believe he was doing this, “I think I like him.”

“And?”, Laura asked after a few seconds.

“What do you mean “and”?”, he snapped, annoyed.

“David, I really don’t see the problem. From what Lizzy told me I think he likes you too.”

“First of all, he doesn’t, and second of all, that’s not the point.”

Laura sighed. He wished she was here with him. Her presence had always been comforting. That was one of the things that was most difficult to adjust to – the fact that he couldn’t go to Laura’s room after a bad day and watch movies with her.

“David, what is the problem here?”, she asked, and that irritated him more. As if she didn’t know.

“You know what”, he answered after a few minutes. He hated how he sounded – small, defeated. He thought he was over all this.

“No, I don’t”, Laura answered, firmly. He wanted to interrupt her, but she didn’t give him the chance, “You can’t be on your own forever, David. Someday, you would have to let people in. What happened was terrible, but not everyone is like that. David, you have to trust people. Being alone is not a good thing.”

This was a conversation that they have had a million times, at least. But, it still didn’t change anything.

He wanted Matteo. But, he couldn’t go through everything again.

“Yes or no?”, he asked after a few moments of silence. Laura chuckled.

“I think this is something you should decide for yourself”, she answered.

David decided he should go to Lizzy’s after his shift at the market. Matteo had texted him some vague shit, that she was sad, that something had happened, but he couldn’t say much more. It kept David on edge, because he couldn’t imagine Lizzy being sad, about anything.

Time passed painfully slow, but finally, his shift was over and he could go. David had made his way quickly to her apartment, holding a bag of cupcakes, but just as he was about to knock, the door opened.

It was Matteo. David’s heart skipped a beat and his breath was caught in his throat. God, he was really sick of this shit.

“Good, you are here”, Matteo pulled him in, “I have to go now, but I’ll come by later.”

“Okay?”, David said and Matteo rushed out.

“She’s in the living room”, he yelled out from the staircase.

David went there. Lizzy was sitting on the sofa, an empty mug in her hands. Her eyes were red, like she had been crying. David didn’t think he had ever seen her cry.

David made himself comfortable next to her, and she leaned on him. He passed her one of the cupcakes.

It broke his heart seeing Lizzy like this.

“Are you okay?”, he asked.

“Yeah”, she answered, her voice was barely above a whisper.

“What happened?”, David wrapped a hand around her shoulders.

“I broke up with my boyfriend”, she answered. After a couple of seconds, she added, “because of Vicky.”

“I’m sorry”, he said. He didn’t know what else to say, really.

“I’m not”, she started sounding a bit more like herself. She sniffed, “But, I think I won’t be going home for Christmas this year.”

He wrapped both of his arms around her, squeezing her tight. David knew she didn’t have the best relationship with her parents.

They stayed like that for a while, then Lizzy spoke up.

“Laura told me about you and Matteo”.

David wanted to groan, “Do we have to talk about this now?”

“Matteo is sweet, you know”, she said after a few minutes, “he could never hurt you”.

David didn’t say anything back. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

Their school had this weird tradition where the seniors pulled multiple pranks. Like, every month until Abi, which seemed pointless to David, as everyone knew what they were doing, even the principal, but it was very important to Kiki.

Today was the first prank that they were going to do. They had settled on something harmless – they would fill up the entrance of the school with glasses of water. David couldn’t comprehend why they thought this was such a good idea, but he didn’t really protest. So, now, he was part of the team that had to stay after school to get the job done.

They were on the rooftop, making last minute preparations, to make sure everything would go smoothly. David wasn’t paying attention. Kiki and Jonas were talking in hushed voices in front of them, while Matteo was sitting next to him, a near-dead joint in his mouth. The past few days he had been acting weird. He was clingier than usual, and David knew something was up, but he didn't know how to ask. David was taping his fingertips in the small gaps between Matteo’s fingers, where he had rested his hand between them. At some point Matteo brought together his fingers, trapping David’s between them. David looked questioningly at him, but Matteo kept his eyes on their hands. Then, he slid his fingers down slowly until they were intertwining with David’s. The touch made David feel like he was on fire. It was so small and simple, yet, he felt like he could combust any moment. Then, Matteo looked at him, his face was unreadable. He squeezed David’s hand and he squeezed back.

Then, Kiki yelled at them and they quickly pulled away.

“What are you doing? Let’s go!”

Class had ended, and they had ten minutes to find a place to hide, using all the students that were walking around as a decoy. David was planning on hiding in the bathrooms, but Matteo had stopped him.

“I have a better idea, let’s go”, he took David’s wrist in his hand, pulling him towards the second floor. There, he opened one of the doors and went in, David close behind him. It was a small, dark closet. It would have been big enough for both of them, if it weren’t for the enormous boxes that were placed against the back wall. It was a small space, but they could stay at a comfortable distance away from each other.

This was doing things to David’s heart. It was too much. After everything that had happened, he didn’t think he could spend more than two minutes in close proximity to Matteo. And, Matteo hadn’t been making it easy for him. David was tired of the heart palpitations, every time they brushed against each other, every time they looked at each other for too long, the heavy silences between them.

David couldn’t take it anymore. This thing with Matteo was too much. He was feeling too much. It was like all his senses were filled with Matteo. He took a tiny step back, but Matteo just leaned in more. He didn’t dare look into Matteo’s eyes.

“David?”, Matteo whispered, but before he could say anything else, the door of the closet opened.

“Hurry!”, Abdi shoved Carlos into the room, who pushed David towards Matteo. Then, Abdi also went into the room, closing the door. Now, David couldn’t move, he couldn’t even turn around. He was facing Matteo, Abdi and Carlos behind him, making the closet feel even more cramped.

“Guys!”, Matteo whispered, annoyed, “find a new place to hide! We were here first!”

“Too late”, Abdi whispered back. David sighed.

Matteo walked backwards as much as he could, until his back hit the boxes. David stepped closer to him, so Abdi and Carlos weren’t crushed into the door. _This is fine._

_Breathe._

In the darkness he could make out Matteo staring at him.

“What?”, he whispered. He tried to lean back a bit.

After a few seconds the door opened again, Mohammed entering.

“Dude!”, Abdi protested, but Mohammed just shushed him. He had pushed them, so David was almost pressed against Matteo. _Fuck, no_.

“Is anyone else coming?”, David asked, sarcastically. At the same time Jonas came into the tiny closet.

“Dude, no!”, Carlos shouted, but Jonas had already entered. Six boys were squished in a tiny closet that could only comfortably host three at most.

David was completely pressed against Matteo and he couldn’t breathe. Carlos was behind him, pushing him more, so he grabbed Matteo’s hips to steady himself. There wasn’t a point really, because there was no fucking space to fall over anyway. Carlos stepped back, pushing David into Matteo more. There wasn’t an inch of their bodies that wasn’t touching.

David wanted to die.

He had shoved his face into Matteo’s neck, so he didn’t have to look at him. He could feel Matteo’s hot breath near his ear and it sent tingles all over his body. He felt too warm. He felt like he was suffocating. His ears were ringing and his heart was racing. He was sure all of the boys could hear his heartbeat.

“David”, Matteo’s hands were on his hips.

“What?”, he whispered. The other boys paid no attention to them, as they were grumbling and shushing each other.

“David”, Matteo repeated and David leaned back and looked at him, annoyed. Matteo's eyes were shining in the darkness. David felt like he could drown in them.

“What?”, their noses were touching and David felt like he was going cross-eyed from the proximity. He watched as Matteo swallowed, then he smirked.

“I dare you…”, he didn’t finish, but David realised what he was trying to do.

Matteo was looking at his lips. He was proper staring at them and David couldn’t take it anymore.

Matteo actually dared him to kiss him, right here, while they were with their friends. This was insane.

David bit his lip. He felt Matteo putting his hand on his shoulder and he tightened his grip on Matteo’s hips.

“You are impossible”, David whispered, “you are going to kill me”.

Matteo started leaning in, but David stayed put. Matteo rested his forehead onto David’s and looked at him.

David thought _fuck it_. One of his hands snaked up Matteo’s body to rest on the crook of his neck. David tilted his head and leaned in, feeling the ghost of Matteo’s lips on his own-

Then, Jonas yelled, “the coast is clear!”

He opened the door and the other boys stumbled out. David jumped away from Matteo, quickly leaving the tiny room.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck_.


	5. he's not into me, pt.2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! i'm sososos sorry about the delay of the chapter! but, i will finish this fic! and i hope there are still people interested in this haha
> 
> i wanted to thank you again for your lovely comments! they mean the world to me! thank youuuuuuuu 
> 
> so, yeah, hope you like this! also, this chapter is very long, like 14k aaahh, i'm sorry haha i will proof read it tomorrow, bc im rly tired now, but i wanted to FINALLY post it, so sorry for the mistakes!

_he's not into me, pt. 2_

Matteo didn’t know what he was thinking. Why did he try to kiss David? Why did he have to fuck up the only good thing he had in his life right now?

The past few weeks were stressful. His father was pressuring him to choose a university already, which, okay, Matteo understood he had to do it, but he hated the passive-aggressive way his dad asked about it.

_“So, am I worthy of knowing what you are going to do after Abi?”, his father asked, while they were having breakfast. Sylvia glared at his dad, while Leo looked confused between the three of them. Matteo took his plate and left the table. _

And that was just the beginning. Matteo knew he wasn’t making it any better by ignoring and avoiding the topic, but he just _didn’t know_. He didn’t know what he wanted to study, he didn’t know what he wanted to work, he didn’t know what he wanted to _do_.

Matteo couldn’t imagine what he would be doing in three months, how was he supposed to have his life figured out already?

It wasn’t just the passive-aggressiveness of his father, though. No, that was only the tip of the iceberg. For some reason it was like Matteo couldn’t do _anything_ without pissing him off. He knew it was all because of their arguments about university, but it exhausted Matteo.

It wasn’t like he didn’t want to go to university, it was just that, when he was researching he got overwhelmed. He couldn’t stop thinking about how he was going to fail, he was never going to get in those universities.

Besides, he didn’t even know what he wanted to study! It was all pointless. Even if he did find something that interested him, he would start thinking how he wasn’t smart enough to study it, how his father wouldn’t approve, how he couldn’t really do anything.

Studying also hadn’t been going well. When he tried to learn all the shit they had given them, he kept rereading every sentence at least three times, before he could grasp the meaning of it. But, the phrases together didn’t make any sense to him. He just couldn’t concentrate. Once, he had locked himself on the balcony of his room with no laptop, no phone, nothing except his textbooks, yet he still couldn’t study.

It was stressing him out, because he didn’t want to fail. But, he kept thinking about how much he had to study, about his father’s expectations, about his mother – would she be sad if he failed? Would she care?

Another thing was that his mother kept sending him messages. He didn’t respond, but he read all of them – some were bible quotes, others were asking about his life – how was he, how was school going, if everything was okay.

But, he never responded. He felt guilty for not staying in Italy with her. It was true that she was doing much better now, but those months in Italy were so fucking difficult - the first month she hadn’t even looked at him. He had wanted to go back then, but he forced himself to stay, to be better than his father, to help her through everything, but in the end it was too much.

He was no better than his father. He had left her there alone to deal with everything.

And besides all this, he was just lonely. Obviously, at home he couldn’t talk to anyone. Well, lately it was hard for him to talk to people. It was too tiring. Besides, Vicky had been busy with her own life, the boys… well, he did hang out with the boys, but they either talked about girls, or Abi, and those were the two subjects Matteo didn’t want to hear about.

Matteo realised that it was his own fault probably, because he never really told them anything about what was happening with him, but he felt like he couldn’t. He felt like if he talked about it, it would ruin their ‘chill’ time, like they wouldn’t care. And, what could they do to help anyway?

The only thing that made everything more bearable was weed. He had been smoking a lot lately, he knew. He was glad that his father never cared enough to ask what he did with the money he got, because it got a bit out of hand.

Though, it was the only thing helping him – weed made his mind hazy, it made him relax and not think for a bit what a fucking failure he was and all the other dark thoughts that wouldn’t otherwise leave his head – how pathetic it was that simple tasks such as sending a message, had become something exhausting and difficult, how probably everyone hated him, how he was just a waste of space. He could have everything he had ever wanted, could do whatever he wished, had so many opportunities handed to him, yet he couldn’t function like a normal human being. So, yeah, weed was his only solution.

Well.

There was one more thing that made everything better.

Matteo hadn’t expected to click so fast with David. After the night of the party, he was one of the main things occupying Matteo’s mind.

It was a terrifying at first, but being near David was addicting. He kept thinking about him – about his eyes, his smile, his laugh – everything made his chest warm, made him feel at ease, Matteo never felt like he had to explain himself, David just got it.

David had been so good to him, never pushing him to do anything he didn’t want to. He had been good. All of it had been good.

So, Matteo wasn’t surprised by how much he wanted more.

And, of course he had to fuck it up.

He didn’t know what he had been trying to do then. Earlier in the day he had another argument with his father, who wouldn’t shut up about how ungrateful Matteo was, how he had everything he had ever wanted, but he still wasn’t satisfied – the usual. But, the past weeks had been shitty enough, so it made him feel even worse than usual. So, as always, he got high to try and forget it, but it wasn’t enough. He kept smoking and smoking until nothing felt real anymore. Nothing except David.

Then, they found themselves squished into the tiny closer, and it all had been too much – the proximity, the darkness, the weed. David was so close, and _I want to kiss him_ – that was the only thing that had been going through his head. However, he hadn’t been sure if David was on the same page. So, he tried to make it look like a game, but obviously it hadn’t worked.

However, for a second there, he thought that David was actually going to kiss him. And, Matteo hated how that millisecond, where David looked like he was leaning in, made him feel hopeful. He fucking hated it. 

“Here”, Jonas handed him a bluish mask as they stood in front of the closet, where they had been hiding just a few minutes ago, “put this on.”

“Why?”, Matteo asked, pulling on his hood.

“So, the cameras don’t recognise you?”, Jonas explained. Matteo sighed, taking the mask.

“Dude, it’s dark. This is pointless.”

But, Jonas ignored him. He stood in front of him, leaning closer.

“Hey, are you okay?”

Matteo closed his eyes for a brief second, he didn’t want to look at Jonas’ concerned face. He wanted another smoke.

“Yeah.”

Jonas looked like he wanted to say something else, but Carlos yelled out for them to come.

Matteo spent exactly three minutes helping with the prank, before he sneaked away. He found himself on the rooftop again, smoking yet another joint. His head was full of dark thoughts and he just wanted a break. He just wanted a minute away from the bullshit his brain could think of. Why couldn't he be normal?

Matteo was sitting on the ground, his back against the railing, wishing he could be someone else.

“Uh, hey”, Matteo opened his eyes and looked at the door. David was there.

“Na?”, Matteo suddenly felt nervous. David sat down next to him, the smile on his face not really reaching his eyes.

“Didn’t feel like doing the prank?”, he asked, amused.

“Not really”, Matteo sighed. He wished it wasn’t this awkward between them.

They sat in silence for a couple of minutes, and he couldn’t take it anymore.

“I’m sorry”, Matteo mumbled. He spared a glance towards David, whose face was neutral.

“For what?”, he asked.

“For what happened in the closet, I…”, Matteo had no idea how to explain himself. What was he supposed to say? _I just really wanted to kiss you_? Yeah, like things weren’t awkward enough already.

“Uh, don’t worry about that”, David was staring down at his lap, Matteo let himself look at him, “Nothing happened.”

Right.

“Okay”, Matteo said, his voice small. Somehow, this was worse than anything he had imagined happening.

“Nothing happened”, he repeated smiling at David. David smiled back at him, looking brighter.

The next day, it took the school staff an hour to get rid of the glasses. And, as a punishment, the students were forced to stay two hours more after school.

“This act is considered as a breaking and entering”, his father droned on during their first class for the day, “when we catch the people who did this, we will take the appropriate measures. Please, understand that this type of behaviour will not be tolerated.”

Matteo rolled his eyes. No one ever would get punished in this school, not when their parents were donating so much.

Matteo’s eyes fell on David, who genuinely looked nervous. Not that there was a reason. The prank was harmless, the school wouldn’t make the effort to actually find out who was behind this.

His father was looking at him, his eyes narrow. Matteo slid down his seat, avoiding the principal’s gaze. He knew that his eyes were red, and that he looked a bit out of it. He had smoked before class started, which made him late,_ which_ in turn annoyed his father, as he stumbled into the classroom while he was talking. His father looked suspicious, and Matteo wished he would just _go_ already.

It was pathetic really, how much Matteo wanted to see David.

The past week David had been too busy to hang out with the boys, with _him_. The only time they had spent together was in school. Hell, Matteo even started pestering Amira to let him study with them, just so he could spend more time with David.

Matteo would have thought that David was avoiding him, but it wasn’t like that. They texted constantly, and when they were together David kept staying close to him, touching him, sending him small, private smiles. Once, Amira got so angry with them, because they weren’t paying attention, too focused on each other, that she left them.

Those were the best moments of Matteo’s week – when David made him feel like it was just the two of them in the entire universe, when it felt like he was far, far away from all the bad things that occupied his mind.

Though, it always left him longing for more.

So, it wasn’t a surprise that when David texted him to come over, Matteo didn’t think twice before he quickly got dressed and went out of the house.

He didn’t know why David had asked him to come over, but he really didn’t care – he was happy to spend some time with him.

“Come in!”, Vicky yelled out after Matteo had rung the doorbell, and he let himself in. He could hear her giggling and David laughing from somewhere in the apartment.

Matteo didn’t know what they were doing, but he was still surprised to see Vicky sitting on the floor, papertowels around her, with David standing right behind her.

“Matteo!”, she greeted him, excitedly. He took a step closer, but he needed to stop, because he realised David had a safety pin pierced through his septum. He didn’t know what to do, his friends had finally lost it.

“What the fuck”, he exclaimed, but he was ignored. Vicky held up two boxes.

“Which red?”, she asked.

“Why?”, he looked around and saw three empty wine bottles near the sofa.

“Mercury is in retrograde, or something like this. I don’t know, a chick from the art department told me it’s a good time for changes. I asked David to help me with the dye, because you know, he’s an artist and all that.”

“I told you it’s not the same thing”, David grumbled as he took the boxes from her. Then, he looked at Matteo, who was still stuck on the safety pin in his nose, “Did you choose which one? Vampire red or red passion?”

“Uh”, he couldn’t stop looking at David, there was blood dripping down his nose now, “Your nose.”

“Hmm,” David looked up from the two boxes to him, then he touched his nose with the back of his hand, “Shit, I have to take care of this”, he took off his gloves, handing them to Vicky, “I say, go with vampire red”, he threw one of the boxes on the sofa, and the other at Matteo, who managed to catch it after some fumbling.

“Of course”, Vicky rolled her eyes, “But, wait! Are you still on for the birthday party?”.

“Uh, yeah”, David gave her a thumbs-up and quickly made his way to the bathroom.

“Birthday party?”, Matteo inquired, but Vicky just waved her hand, as to say ‘_it’s nothing_’, but then, she asked:

“What are you waiting for?”

“What?”, Matteo looked at her, confused.

“Come dye my hair”, she was thrusting the gloves towards him, but he didn’t move.

“Shouldn’t we wait for David?”, he asked a bit unsure. He inspected the box he had in his hand, and… this was very red.

“I don’t know how much time he’ll need for the piercing, and I need to be out in, like”, she glanced at the clock on the wall, “three hours. Let’s go, let’s go.”

Matteo hesitantly went behind her, putting on the gloves she gave him.

“Start from the roots”, Vicky instructed. But, Matteo needed some time to assimilate what he had said.

He was going to be alone with David.

Okay.

He took a sip from the wine bottle next to Vicky, and got to work.

David had disappeared in his room. Apparently, his sister was calling. Matteo tried not to pout – it was David that told him to come over, surely, they would hang out, right? He didn’t call Matteo just to dye Vicky’s hair, right?

Matteo sighed, as he played on his phone. He was a bit bored. Vicky was getting ready for her night out and David was still talking to his sister. Matteo wanted to smoke, but he hadn’t brought anything with him. He eyed the wine bottles next to the couch, but he had never liked wine. Besides, all the bottles were empty.

Suddenly, Vicky burst out of her room, standing in front of the door.

“How do I look?” she asked, but she already knew the answer. She was wearing a tight black dress, with bright red lipstick that matched her hair. She looked gorgeous. The new hair colour really suited her. David let out an appreciative whistle, as he also emerged from his room, and she giggled.

“You look amazing”, he said with a smile. She did, really. She looked incredible. Matteo knew that if the boys were here they wouldn’t be able to look away, their jaws on the floor. And, yet.

One of the most attractive women was standing right in front of Matteo, but couldn’t stop glancing at David who literally looked like he just rolled out of bed. He was wearing blue pyjama pants and an oversized black hoodie. His hair was peeking out of the hood, and he had shoved his hands in the pockets of his pants. And there was that goddamn piercing.

“Alright, boys! Don’t wait for me”, she kissed David on the cheek, then she went to Matteo and kissed his cheek, despite his attempts to dodge her.

And with that, she was gone.

“So”, David grinned at him, leaning on the door. Matteo felt his heartbeat pick up. David looked good.

“I needed your help with something”, David explained, pushing himself from the door, “Come.”

Matteo, of course followed. He noticed, though, that David’s words were a bit slurred, and that he was swaying as he walked. Oh, god.

“Are you drunk?”, Matteo asked.

“Nooooo”, David said, but, obviously, he was. Matteo didn’t know how to feel about this. If David wasn’t sober, he didn’t want to be either.

They found themselves in the kitchen.

“You can cook, right?”, David asked, tilting his head and smiling, making Matteo’s heart clench. This was getting ridiculous – the effect this boy had on him. 

“Yeah?”, Matteo smiled back at him.

“Okay, cool”, David started pulling things from the fridge, “We are going to make a cake for Lizzy.”

This was not what Matteo was expecting.

“Okay”, Matteo inspected the ingredients on the countertop, “but why?”, he asked. Baking wasn’t really his thing, but he could make some things.

“She’s been very sad lately, because of her family, you know?”, David explained, “And, she’s always liked sweet things, so… You don’t mind doing it, right?”, he looked at Matteo, eyes wide, his cheeks a bit red.

“Do you have a recipe?”, Matteo smiled. As if he could ever say no to David.

David grinned at him and opened another wine bottle. Matteo didn’t drink a lot, though, because it would be better if one of them was sober.

However, there was another reason why he was glad he didn’t drink much. He didn’t think he could have properly appreciated drunk David if he was also intoxicated. David didn’t stop talking and giggling, it was so different from the way he usually was, that Matteo felt lucky that he could see this side of him. A less guarded, a bit dorky side of him. It was so fucking endearing.

David was also very touchy when drunk, which wasn’t as fun. He kept hugging Matteo, draping his hands over his shoulders, pinching his cheeks. Every touch made Matteo feel like he was on fire, like he was getting shocked, which was so fucking stupid, Matteo couldn’t stand himself. David was just a boy, why did he have to have heart palpitations every time they were near each other. God, it was like he was thirteen year old with a crush.

David was laughing at his own dumb joke, then he leaned on Matteo, wrapping his arms around his waist. Fuck, he really needed a drink to deal with this.

“No, let me do the whipped cream”, David snatched the carton of milk Matteo was holding, pouring it into a bowl.

“Uh, no, don’t, you’ll need a bigger bowl-”

“Shhh, this is fine”, David pouted and it was so fucking cute, Matteo needed to look away.

David grabbed hand mixer.

“David, seriously-”, but it was too late. David had turned it on, splashing everything around him.

“What the fuck?”, he looked genuinely surprised. Matteo just laughed at him.

“Told you”, he smirked as David glared at him. Then, to his horror, David grabbed some of the whipped cream, flinging it towards Matteo.

“Dude, really?”, Matteo rolled his eyes, but at David’s laughing face, he couldn’t really stay mad. But, he did smear chocolate on his face. That started a wrestling match between them, with David trying to stuff Matteo’s face in the bowl with the whipped cream.

They were nearly done. It was a no-bake cake, so they just had to put it in the fridge for a couple of hours. The kitchen was a disaster from their small food-fight, but they couldn’t be bothered to clean it up now.

After they put the cake into the fridge, David slid down, so he was sitting on the floor, his back against the refrigerator. Matteo followed, sitting next to him.

“You have”, David gently put a hand on his face and Matteo’s breath caught in his throat. He pushed his thumb under Matteo’s bottom lip and swiped below it. Then he brought the thumb to his own lips licking off the whipped cream.

_Give me a fucking break._

Matteo looked away, his cheeks burning. It was getting a bit too warm in the kitchen. He did his best not to think much of anything that was happening now, because David was drunk, but he couldn’t help the warmness that bloomed in his chest.

“I want to ask you something”, David spoke up after a few minutes. He was playing with the hem of his hoodie.

“Go ahead”, Matteo looked at him, amused.

“So, I’ve been thinking…”.

“Oh, no”.

“Fuck off”, David giggled. Matteo felt like he would never get tired of the sound, “You are rich, right?”

“Uh, I guess?”, Matteo answered.

“And, you’re Italian?”

“Where is this going?”

“So, you are, like, part of the mafia, right?”, David asked, looking way to serious. Matteo looked away, so he didn’t laugh at his face.

“Yes”, he answered, trying to appear more serious.

“I knew it”, David nodded. Matteo shook his head as he chuckled. Wine-drunk David was something else, really.

It got quiet between them. David was staring straight ahead, a pensive look on his face. Then, he leaned his head on the fridge, turning towards Matteo, an unreadable look in his eyes. He was biting his lip, looking unsure, sad. It made Matteo’s heart ache.

“What is it?”, Matteo asked, worried. After a few seconds David spoke up.

“I want to kiss you”, David sighed, his eyes never leaving Matteo’s, “I really want to kiss you.”

Matteo could swear his heart stopped. He was now dead and this was Heaven. He felt bad, because David was drunk. It wasn’t fair to him, but he couldn’t bring himself to say anything, to stop this.

“What’s stopping you?”, he asked after a few seconds had passed.

“Cuz’ this isn’t gonna work, you know?”, David looked away. Matteo felt his heart sinking. Before he could think, he asked.

“Why?”, he couldn’t believe he got his heartbroken before anything actually happened.

“Because, you don’t…”, David seemed to be thinking over what he was about to say. Matteo felt like it was very important and he shouldn’t learn about it like this.

“David, it’s fine”, Matteo interrupted him before he could say anything. David looked at him again, looking distressed. Matteo wanted to reach out to him, hug him, do anything to tell him that it was okay, that he didn’t have to worry about anything, he didn’t have to _say_ anything. But, before he could do any of that, Vicky’s high pitched voice could be heard.

“What did you do to my kitchen?!”

Matteo spent the night cleaning the kitchen. It was a good distraction. Vicky had told them to clean it up in the morning, and David had gone to sleep, but Matteo couldn’t. He was restless. He couldn’t stop thinking about what David had said. Why did he think it wouldn’t work between them? Matteo couldn’t even enjoy the fact that it seemed that David also felt that something was happening between them. He wanted to know what David was hiding.

Matteo dropped a bowl in the sink in frustration.

“Fuck”, he mumbled.

“Why aren’t you sleeping?”, Vicky yawned as she entered the kitchen. She was in her pyjamas, but hadn’t taken off her makeup or anything. Matteo just shrugged in response. She looked at him, properly. She poured herself a glass of water and leaned on the counter, next to the sink.

“You okay?”, she asked after a few seconds.

“Yeah”, Matteo replied. He was almost done with the dishes. He glanced at the clock that was over the door. It was nearly four am. Vicky didn’t look convinced by his answer.

“Really?”

“I’m just tired”, Matteo knew there was no point in lying to her, but he didn’t want to talk about this. He felt pathetic to be so hung up on a guy that might or might not like him. But, David wasn’t any guy.

Vicky didn’t say anything back. She just raised her eyebrow at him a small smirk on her face. Now, that he could properly see her, even with the makeup on she looked tired. Matteo felt bad. He was always the one going to her to rant, he never really asked her what was up with her own life.

“Elizabeth broke up with her boyfriend”, he said, hoping Vicky would start talking about this, and not about him.

“She did”, Vicky sighed. She didn’t look as excited as he thought she would be.

“But?”, he tried to prompt her. But, she just shrugged.

“I don’t know”, she ran a hand through her hair, sighing again, “It’s complicated. Her family is complicated”

“Why?”

Vicky waved her hand, signalling that she didn’t want to talk about it. Matteo decided to let it go… for now.

“What’s up with you and David?” she smirked, wiggling her eyebrows, “You seemed real cozy”. Matteo huffed out a bitter laugh and got back to doing the dishes.

“Nothing”, he was scrubbing a plate more aggressively that was necessary.

“What do you mean nothing?”, Vicky looked confused – her eyebrows knitted together, her mouth turned into a frown. Matteo shrugged. Vicky grabbed the plate from him, dropping it into the sink.

“Wait, explain”, she crossed her arms in front of her chest.

“There isn’t anything to explain”, Matteo snapped, but she wasn’t relenting. He sighed, “He said it’s not gonna work between us.”

“Oh!”, Vicky exclaimed happily. “So, there is something between you?”, she asked, smirking.

“Didn’t you hear the part where he said ‘it’s not gonna work’?”

Vicky rolled her eyes, “Did he say why?”

“No, he was about to, but you started screaming about the kitchen.”

Vicky tapped her cheek with her index finger, chewing on her bottom lip. After a few seconds, as if she just realised something, her eyes widened, and she looked at him, worried.

“He didn’t say anything, right?”

“No?”, Matteo didn’t understand what happened, "I literally just said he didn't."

He watched as she pinched the bridge of her nose, muttering, “David, you idiot”.

“Look”, she seemed to have snapped out of what had overcome her, “Don’t listen to him. He says stupid shit when he is drunk.”

Matteo just sighed. He didn’t want her to give him false hope for something like this.

“Seriously, Matteo”, she grabbed his shoulder, “Don’t listen to him, he is being stupid. You two are good for each other.”

“I”, this was making him feel worse, “I think I’ll go home”, he wiped his hands on his jeans.

“Matteooo”, Vicky whined, “You never listen to me.”

It irritated Matteo. What was she trying to do? David had told him, loud and clear that nothing would happen between them. If he wanted to keep their friendship, he had to get over his dumb crush and move on. He didn’t want someone trying to convince him that they could be something. The heartache was bad enough as it was.

“Just”, Vicky stopped him, as he was about to leave the apartment, “Please, don’t tell him he said that.” Matteo wasn’t really planning on talking to David about what had happened tonight, but Vicky’s request intrigued him.

“Why?”

“Uh, he’ll get worried, just don’t say anything… please.”

With a sigh, Matteo said, “Okay.”

Vicky grinned and pulled him in for a hug. Then, she ruffled his hair.

“Don’t worry. I’ll talk to him. We’ll get you your man”, she winked. Matteo glared at her.

“I don’t need you to-”, but she slammed the door shut, yelling out a _good night_ to him, completely ignoring what he was trying to say.

**David**

(13:24) Hey, uh

(13:25) I’m sorry if I said something weird

(13:29) Or, if I did something weird

(13:43) I don’t remember anything from last night, haha

**me**

(17:36) well

(17:37) u did expose me as a mafia boss

(17:38) so, i’ll need u to keep it a secret

(17:38) or else.

**David**

(17:40) Don’t worry. Your secret is safe with me.

After that, more or less, everything was back to normal. Matteo started skipping school more frequently, which earned him more glares from his father, and a few concerned messages from his friends, but he couldn’t do anything about it. He did want to go to school, but in the morning he felt like he would rather die, than escape the comfort of his own bed.

It had become more and more difficult to fall asleep at night. It was like his mind wouldn’t just shut up. The only thing that helped him was weed. So, it was no surprise that when he realised that he had ran out of weed, he started to panic. He didn’t want another sleepless night. He didn’t want to put himself through it.

Recently, he had started thinking about what would happen if someone he loved died. He couldn’t stop thinking about it. He had spent numerous nights crying his eyes out, because he just _couldn’t stop thinking about it_. One night, it had gotten so bad, he had called Carlos and Hannah at two in the morning to make sure they were okay. He always felt hopeless at times like this, like the world was closing in on him, like he was trapped in a box and he was running out of air.

So, he thought it was understandable why he couldn’t go one night without weed.

Usually, Matteo would go to Franco’s to get whatever he needed, but he was feeling on edge, he couldn’t stop shaking. He didn’t want to go out in this state. So, he texted him.

“Here you go, dude”, Franco passed him a small brown paper bag with a grin.

“Thanks for coming this late”, Matteo said as he paid him. Feeling calmer with the weight of the bag in his hands.

“No worries”, he stepped closer, tilting his head up. Matteo raised an eyebrow at him - panic replaced by annoyance.

“What?”, he asked.

“Oh, come on”, Franco smiled, “Don’t you think I deserve a reward for coming so quickly to your rescue?”

Matteo rolled his eyes. Franco sighed and then smiled. He leaned up and pressed his lips to Matteo’s, who quickly leaned back.

“I missed this”, he said as they broke apart, “We should meet up sometime”, Franco said with a wink.

“Emily broke up with you for good?”, Matteo asked, innocently. Franco just glared at him.

“It’s a good thing you’re cute”, Franco pinched his cheek, Matteo swatted his hand, “Shame about your personality.”

Matteo pushed him towards the door.

“Okay, okay, I got it”, Franco turned around, kissed him one last time on the corner of his mouth and left. Matteo sighed and turned around to go back to his room.

“Matteo?”, his father was staring at him, his eyes wide. Fuck. Why was he awake?

He saw them.

“What- who was-”, his father seemed shocked, he was breathing heavily, his face was becoming redder and redder.

He saw. He saw Matteo kissing Franco.

“Matteo? Matteo, where are you going?”

He couldn’t stay. He turned around and ran out from the door, his father calling after him.

As he rode on the bus he did his best not to panic.

His father had seen him with another guy.

Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

He couldn’t stop replaying the look on his father’s face. It was a painful loop inside his head.

Great.

Another thing that would disappoint him.

Matteo tried to follow the breathing exercises Vicky had thought him, so he wouldn’t panic on the bus, but they weren’t helping.

Nothing was helping.

His father saw him with another boy.

His father knew he was gay.

“Matteo, what’s up?”, Vicky asked, concerned, as she saw him standing in front of the door. He couldn’t remember how he got here, it was like he had been sleepwalking. But, Matteo couldn’t answer her, he couldn’t say anything, he couldn’t breathe.

Vicky pulled him in, guiding him to the sofa. She ran to her room, then she came back, headphones in her hands. She put them on him, connected them to her phone, and started up a playlist with calming classical music. Then, she sat next to him, pulling him close, hugging him tight. He hugged her back, clutching at the back of her shirt and sobbing in her shoulder.

It was a routine both of them knew well.

She rubbed her hands on his back, taking deep breaths and exhaling slowly. He tried to match his breathing to hers. Matteo closed his eyes and concentrated on the music.

He didn’t know how much time had passed, but he had felt a bit calmer. Vicky had wrapped him in two blankets and had shoved a cup of tea in his hands. She had gone to take a shower, while he was lying on the sofa, drinking tea and watching TV.

It was in moments like this that he was most grateful to have someone like Vicky by his side. He couldn’t imagine what he would do if he didn’t have the comfort of her apartment, of her presence to go to, when it got a bit too much. No one else made him feel like this… Well, not until recently.

The calm that came with Vicky was because she knew him. She knew what was happening with his life, why he was the way he was. But, with David, it came from the way he felt understood. He didn’t have to explain anything, David just got him.

Which was why it had become so hard to ignore his feelings. He couldn’t explain it, he couldn’t put in words how David made him feel, he couldn’t articulate properly the peace, the joy, everything that came from being with David. 

The past days were a bit weird. David had been a bit distant, but Matteo couldn’t bring himself to do anything about it. He couldn’t stop thinking about what he had said – _It’s not gonna work between us_. It was painful, but he didn’t know what to do. What he did know, was that he didn’t want to lose David.

Vicky’s phone rang, pulling him out of his thoughts. He called out to her, but she was in the shower and she couldn’t hear it. So, he ignored it, waited for it to stop ringing. But, then it rang again. And, again. And, again. Then, she got a couple of messages, but her phone rang again. It made Matteo anxious. Obviously, the person calling her had an emergency. He called out to Vicky again, but there was no answer. He picked up the phone with the intention of bringing it to her, but then he saw who was calling her.

It was his father.

“Hey, did you-”, Vicky got out of the shower, putting up her hair in a towel, but she stopped in her tracks as she saw Matteo on her phone, “Fuck.”

Matteo was confused, so fucking confused.

“Why is he calling you?”, Matteo showed the screen to Vicky, whose eyes widened.

“Look, I can explain-”, her phone pinged, and she tried to snatch it from him, but he pulled his hand back.

He looked at the new messages.

**Valerio Florenzi**

(21:09) I know we had a deal, but I won’t be tolerating this now.

(22:03) I really need to talk to him.

(22:04) Tell him to come home, right now.

“You’ve been talking to him?”, Matteo tried to keep his voice steady, but it was hard. He felt betrayed. His fingers ached from gripping the phone so hard. Vicky was looking at him, her eyes wide and worried, her bottom lip between her teeth. Her cheeks had become red.

“I-”

“Every time I’ve come here, you’ve told him?”

“Please, just-”

“Did you tell him everything? So everything I tell you, you just report back to him?”, he couldn’t help the anger that overcame him. This was supposed to be his safe place. He thought he could trust her.

“No, listen to-”

“Fuck this”, Matteo turned around and left the room, Vicky running after him. She kept trying to grab his hand, but he managed to pull away from her.

“Matteo, wait!”, he heard her yell just as he slammed the door shut. He quickly ran down the stairs, wiping his eyes. He felt stupid for crying, but he couldn’t believe it. He thought he had a friend, but it turned out it was just another way for his father to control him. He was so fucking sick of this. Nothing was under his control – not his relationships, not his feelings, not his fucking life, nothing.

“Matteo?”

He hated this so much.

“Matteo, hey.”

“What?”, he yelled out as someone grabbed his hand. Then, he realised it was David.

“Are you okay?”, he looked worried. Matteo didn’t say anything, trying to keep himself from crying. A few seconds passed with them just looking at each other, then David held his hand properly, intertwining their fingers.

“Come with me.”

Matteo was grateful that David ignored him sniffing every five seconds as they walked. Actually, David didn’t really say anything. He kept walking, dragging Matteo behind him.

After a few minutes of walking, Matteo realised where David was taking him. It was the park.

“What’s here?”, he asked, a bit confused on why David had chosen this place. He thought they would go to the swimming pool, as it had become their usual hang out place.

“What do you mean?”, David looked back, smirking, “I’m here.”

Matteo calmed down as they walked around the park. They settled on the swings, gently swaying back and forth, their feed dragging through the grass.

“Oh, hey”, Matteo glanced at David when he spoke, “Look, the sky is really clear.”

Matteo looked up, and David was right. It was nice, comforting to see so many stars. Matteo looked at David, who was already looking at him.

Matteo’s heart skipped a bit and his breath caught in his throat. He thought that even if it hurt, he was glad that he had these feelings towards David. He thought that they were the only good thing that has happening to him in a while. This was worth the heartache. David was worth the heartache. Even if it wasn’t possible to happen anything between them, he was glad he had at least this.

David had this way of looking at him, making him feel like they were the only people in the world. And, right now, in the dead of the night, in this quiet park, it felt like they really were the only ones left.

Matteo had told David what had happened. David had listen intently, wrapping a comforting arm around his shoulders. He had understood when Matteo told him he didn’t want to go back home yet, and why going to their apartment was out of the question.

“Are you sure Elizabeth will be okay with this?”, he asked, for the hundredth time.

“Yes. Also, it’s weird that you call her Elizabeth”, David rang the door again, impatiently.

David had said that he could stay at Lizzy’s, but Matteo wasn’t sure about it. Though, he didn’t really have a choice. He couldn’t forget the look of disbelieve on David’s face, when Matteo told him, he would just stay at a hotel. He couldn’t help smiling.

“What?”, Elizabeth finally opened the door. She looked a bit surprised when she saw them, but Matteo was even more surprised. She wasn’t wearing any makeup and she was in her pyjamas. She looked soft and warm, almost… human. He had never seen her like this.

“Can Matteo stay with you?”, David asked, before Matteo could open his mouth.

“Why?”, she looked at him, and he suddenly felt cold.

“Please”, David smiled, charmingly, and Matteo couldn’t imagine her saying no to that face. He knew _he_ wouldn’t be able to. With a sigh, Elizabeth let them in.

It was a bit weird. Last time he had been at her place, she had broken up with her boyfriend, and was upset. It was an exception. But, now, she seemed fine, her usual self. When they got in, she disappeared in her room, saying she had work. David stayed with him. They smoked together in her tiny balcony. They were sitting on the floor, using a mug as an ashtray. David talked most of the time, as Matteo wasn’t really in the mood, but it was calming. Matteo liked listening to him, he had a nice voice. He liked a lot of things about David, it was ridiculous. He liked the way the light from the lamp in the balcony was reflected in his eyes, the way the corners of his lips would twist upwards when he was smirking, the way he rolled his eyes when Matteo said something stupid, the way he tugged on his new piercing, when he was distracted – Matteo could go on. To put it simply – he really liked David.

“It’s going to be okay”, David had said at one point, wrapping an arm around Matteo, pulling him close to him. Matteo closed his eyes and took David’s hand between his own, squeezing it.

He really liked him.

David couldn’t stay with them for the night, and he had work the next day. That meant that Matteo would be alone with Lizzy, which made him nervous.

But, it turned out there was no reason – Lizzy had grabbed a pint of ice cream, settling next to him on the sofa he had privatised.

She didn’t say anything to him as she gave him a spoon. She leaned on Matteo, putting her legs up on the table, changing the channel. They watched Adventure Time in silence, eating ice cream, leaning on each other and Matteo really felt like it would be okay.

Lizzy didn’t leave him alone. Even if she had to work, she moved her books in the living room to be around Matteo. He appreciated it, as he didn’t want to be alone. She didn’t ask him questions, he felt like it was because she didn’t care enough to ask, but it was comforting in a way. He liked that she didn’t say anything, he liked that she was still as cold as him as she always had been. It was nice – something familiar, while everything around him was changing. He had tried not to think about his father, his heart clenching just at the thought of needing to face him. However, he had thought a lot about Vicky. It was painful to be fighting with her, but he was angry, too angry to try and reason with her.

They had gone out for groceries. Lizzy had made him and David carry all the bags, even though he suspected she could do it just fine. He had been surprised at the amount of junk food and sweets she had bought, but he didn’t dare question her diet and David had just shrugged. It had been fun – Lizzy looked so done with them, like a mother that had brought her two children with her to shop. Matteo was in a better mood.

As they walked towards her apartment, they were talking about whether the Amazing World of Gumball or Adventure Time was better, Matteo and David bickering widely. Suddenly, Lizzy stopped, staring straight ahead, squeezing her keys in her hand, a deep frown etched on her face.

“Fucking hell”, she mumbled. Matteo looked up to see what she was looking at. In front of the door of her apartment there was an older woman that looked like she could be the evil queen in a Disney movie. She looked a lot like Lizzy, but her hair was almost white, and her glare was sharper. She was dressed in all black, with black suitcases around her.

“Elizabeth”, the woman said as a greeting.

“Mother”, Lizzy replied. Matteo was shocked. There was no denying the resemblance between them, but he suspected that they… actually he didn’t know. He didn’t know how Lizzy acted around her family, but he wasn’t expecting this.

“To what do I own this pleasure?”, Lizzy asked, crossing her arms in front of her chest. Matteo looked at David, silently asking him if he knew what the hell was going on. 

“We need to talk”, the woman was properly glaring at the boys and Matteo felt uneasy being between them, but he didn’t think it would be appropriate to drop the groceries and run. And, he didn’t know how to discretely communicate this plan to David.

“And a phone call wouldn’t do?”, Lizzy wasn’t backing off. Matteo suspected there was a lot of history between them.

“It would have, if you picked up your phone.”

“Well, unfortunately, I have guests”, Matteo felt bad for judging Lizzy, “I would appreciate it if you give me a warning next time you visit.”

“Elizabeth”, her mother sounded stern. Matteo couldn’t imagine growing up with a mother like this. But, he realised that it explained a lot of things about Lizzy and the way she was.

“Matteo”, he straightened up his back when he heard his name, “David”, Lizzy didn’t have to finish her sentences. Both of them left the bags by her door and quickly left.

“What the hell was that?”, he asked, but David just shrugged.

“Family is complicated”, David replied. Matteo snorted. Yeah, they were. He hadn’t talked to his father in two days. There were still unopened messages from his mom on his phone. His mom. Seeing Lizzy’s mother made him realise how much he missed his own mother. He should call her. He should have, a while ago, but the guilt from leaving her was stopping him. Matteo wished she was here – he knew that everything would be fine, if _she was here_.

David’s phone pinged, and Matteo watched as he scrunched up his face, while he read the text.

“What’s up?”

“Uh, nothing, it’s just my sister…”, David trailed off, he was too focused on writing his reply. When David mentioned his sister, Matteo realised that he didn’t know anything about David’s family. He was curious, but something was telling him that it wasn’t something they could talk about, not right now at least.

“Uh, I have to go”, David pocketed his phone and looked at Matteo, apologetic.

“Yeah, okay”, Matteo said, trying to hide his disappointment. This was so fucking stupid. The past two days David had been constantly beside him. He had no reason to be upset. They would see each other in school, for fuck’s sake.

David looked at him for a few seconds, then he stepped in and hugged him, squeezing him tight. Matteo hugged back, breathing him in.

No matter how shitty he felt, just being near him, made everything better.

“Matteo.”

Matteo had decided to walk back to his house, delaying the inevitable. He knew that he would have to talk with his father sooner or later, but the past two days had been good, like he had put his life on pause. But, now, he was back to reality.

“Matteo!”

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Then, he glared behind him. Vicky was in her car, driving slowly behind him, getting on the nerves of other drivers.

“Matteo, please!”

“Leave me alone”, he snapped back.

“Matteo, please, just get in the car,” Vicky yelled out through the window, while flipping off the driver behind her. Matteo ignored her. But, to his horror, she continued shouting and honking continuously. The people on the street were starting to give him weird looks.

“Fuck, stop!”

“Then, get in the car!”

Embarrassed, Matteo quickly got into the passenger seat and glared at Vicky. She drove off and they spent a couple of seconds in silence. Vicky kept glancing at him, but he kept his eyes on the road. At least one of them should be doing it.

“I’m sorry”, Vicky broke the silence, “I really am”. Matteo just scoffed.

“I never meant to hurt you”, she looked at him as they stopped at a stoplight, “I love you a lot, alright? Don’t ever doubt it.”

Matteo closed his eyes. He was annoyed at himself for feeling like he was ready to forgive her. Fuck, he had never been able to stay mad for long.

“But, this was the only way to stop your father from calling the police every time you decide to go out!”

That… confused Matteo. Since when did his father care what he did?

“He cares about you a lot, you know?”, there was a small smile on Vicky’s face as if she could read his mind, “So, every time you are gone he texts me to make sure you are okay. I swear that was the only thing I would tell him, just a ‘hey, Matteo’s here, don’t worry’. That was all.”

They were in front of his house. Matteo felt conflicted. He was still mad about the whole situation, he still felt a bit betrayed, but he knew he could trust Vicky. She never was a good liar.

“Am I forgiven?”, she smiled charmingly at him, but her eyes looked glassy. As if she would start crying any moment.

Matteo rolled his eyes and hugged her. She squeezed him tight.

Matteo sneaked into his room and hid under the duvet of his bed. He knew he should talk to his father, but too many things had happened. He was feeling a lot – confusion about the whole thing about his father, still a bit angry at Vicky and whatever was happening with David was seriously messing with his head. Most of all, though, he missed his mom. He missed her terribly. He wished he was with her.

“We have to talk”.

_Fucking hell, I haven’t had breakfast yet_.

His father was sitting on the sofa, Matteo’s grandmother was next to him.

He couldn’t believe this. His father really had flew her here for something like this.

Matteo sat down, opposite them. His father was looking straight at him, unreadable expression on his face. He looked tired – the circles under his eyes were almost black, his hair was a mess and he looked pale.

Matteo felt like he was suffocating under their gazes. This was so unfair, so fucking unfair. His father had never really cared about him, why had he decided that this was such a big deal? He even had called his grandmother for fuck’s sake.

Matteo bit his lip, and clenched his hands into fists. He wanted to scream. He knew that nothing would come out of this – they would just end up shouting at each other.

“I can’t believe you are doing this to me”, his father started and Matteo felt his blood boiling, “I give you everything you ask for! Everything! You decided you wanted to go to Italy and I did everything to arrange that, but halfway through you decide you want to come back – and, okay, no problem, I don’t even ask you why, I make sure you can go back to school. I don’t try to pressure you into pursuing anything, I just want to know what your plans are, but you still won’t fucking tell me anything!”

His father was shouting now, and Matteo was reminded of the days before his parents divorced – how his father would yell at his mom the same way he was now yelling at him.

A dull ache in his jaw made his snap out of his thoughts – he had been clenching his teeth.

“And, you have the nerve to do this in my house! Right in-”, okay, Matteo had enough.

“Look, it’s not like I did it on purpose”, Matteo snapped, “It’s not something that has to do with you”, he couldn’t believe this was the way he was going to come out to his father, “I can’t control who I like-”.

“What?”, his father interrupted him, surprised. Matteo glanced at his grandmother. She had been staring down at the floor the entire time, but now she was looking between the two of them, her expression full of shock.

“Matteo”, his father rubbed his face with his hands, “This has-, I don’t-”, he let out a frustrated sigh, “I don’t care that you like boys!”

“Then, what is this all about?”, Matteo asked, confused.

“It’s about the fact that your taking drugs!”, his father yelled out.  
“Drugs?”, Matteo scoffed. All this drama for nothing, “It’s just weed?”

“It’s just weed, he says”, before he could continue, Matteo’s grandmother interrupted him.

“Valerio, leave us for a second”.

“I’m not done, he-”, his father pointed a finger at him, but Matteo’s grandmother just glared at him.

“What did I just say?”

His father got up without another word and left the room. Matteo was a bit amused how his grandmother could still boss around her son, even if he was a grown up and all.

For a few minutes, no one said anything. Matteo took the opportunity to study his grandmother. She hasn’t changed much from the last time he saw her. Her hair was greyer now, but everything else looked the same – the same wrinkles, the same tired eyes, the same tight-lipped smile.

“Your father cares about you”, she said.

Matteo just scoffed at her, shaking his head.

“He’s not good at being a parent, and I must admit that it is partly our fault.” Matteo’s grandmother was frowning, she looked disappointed. “We were never good parents, but he didn’t really make it easy for us.”, she chuckled fondly.

“Problem child?”, Matteo asked, quietly. He tried to smile at her, but he couldn’t.

“He was terrible. Especially when he was your age.” she didn’t have that problem, though, smiling warmly at him.

It got quiet between them again.

“You have to know, that he loves you. He just doesn’t know how to show it”, she had gotten up, walking slowly to sit next to him. He got up, too, to help her.

“Yeah, well…”, he mumbled.

“But, this is serious, Matteo. And, your father won’t let it go like this.”

“It’s just weed? I don’t do anything else.” he repeated, feeling a bit defeated. It was a bit awkward talking about this with her.

“That’s what his best friend used to say, while they were in college”, the older women took his hand between hers, “He died from an overdose in their last year. This is why your father is so touchy on this subject.”

Matteo didn’t know that. Now that he thought about it, there were a lot of things he didn’t know about his father. But, right now he was just confused. His father didn’t care about the fact that he was gay? Was that it? Did he spent the past years miserable for no reason?

“I must admit that I am disappointed to hear this.” his grandmother spoke up, pulling him out of his thoughts.

“What?”, he looked at her, feeling nervous, “because of the drugs or because I’m gay?” This was probably the first time he was saying it out loud. He knew he was trembling. He didn’t know why he asked, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to know the answer.

His grandmother smiled warmly at him.

“I have my beliefs, Matteo. I was raised to believe that some things were right, and others were wrong. And, despite that the times are changing, it’s much harder to change what you believe in.”

Matteo looked away, a sadness taking over his heart. Right. He should have known.

“But, I know that I have a wonderful grandson that has a bright future ahead of him. Even if there are some things I don’t understand, they are not enough to make me stop loving him.”

His grandmother pulled him towards her, hugging him tight.

“It must have been pretty hard for you, right?”

Matteo felt tears prickling his eyes. He hugged her back.

“It’s okay”, she pressed her cheek to the top of his head, “We love you, Matteo, nothing will ever change that.”

Matteo squeezed her tighter. He felt like he could finally breathe, like whatever had a vice grip on his heart was finally letting go, little by little. 

After that, there was a very uncomfortable talk with his father, but Matteo could see that he was trying. They actually had a civil conversation, no shouting. And, his father really seemed like he cared, going as far as asking Matteo if Franco was his boyfriend.

“God, no”, Matteo quickly replied. Obviously, his father was confused, but he didn’t say anything.

“Uh”, he looked uncomfortable, “does your mother know?”

“No, I”, Matteo hesitated, “I haven’t talked to her in a while”.

There was a look of understanding on his father’s face. He patted Matteo’s shoulder – the gesture was so awkward and stiff, but it still made Matteo’s heart clench. He was trying.

“She loves you”, his father cleared his throat, “Uh, we both do”. It was strange to see him like this – unsure in himself, stuttering, careful.

“You should call her, whenever you are ready, of course”.

“I will”, as much as Matteo appreciated his father’s efforts, this was still very weird to him and he wanted to go to his room. He assumed this was the end of the conversation, but his dad spoke again.

“Promise me you will quit, Matteo”, his tone was serious, “Please. And, I’m not talking about only weed – cigarettes, alcohol, anything else.”

Matteo wanted to protest, it wasn’t like he was addicted. But, the look of his father’s face made him stop. He remembered how he felt when his brain had convinced him something had happened to his friends. While for him, it was just an imaginary situation, his father had actually gone through the pain of losing someone close to you, when both of you were young.

“Please, Matteo”, his father pleaded, “promise me you won’t be doing any of that.”

“Okay, I promise”, he meant it, he really did. His father gripped his shoulder, nodding at him.

Leo had entered the living room, and he had asked Matteo if he wanted to play with him. Matteo wasn’t really in the mood, the past few days he had been constantly surrounded by people, so he wanted to disappear in his room for a little while, but looking at the small boy, whose eyes were boring into him, wide and expectant, he couldn’t really say no. He hadn’t really spent much time with him. Plus, it was an opportunity to get away from his dad before they started talking about university and ruined their small moment together. He couldn’t wait to go to bed after this, roll a- wait. Right. He couldn’t do that anymore. Matteo felt a bit uneasy about this whole thing, but it wasn’t like he was addicted. He supposed it wouldn’t be that hard.

This fucking sucked. Like, it really fucking sucked. It has been two weeks since Matteo decided to quit smoking and he was this, this close to tearing out his hair. Everything and everyone annoyed him, he couldn’t eat, he couldn’t sleep, but mostly he was so fucking irritated it was unreal. He couldn’t count how many times he had snapped at someone. At first, it wasn’t that bad, he had just felt weird. Like, something was missing from him, but that was just the first two days. After that it was _Hell_.

If he had been in a bad mood before, now he was insufferable.

“Matteo, did you buy a present for Leo?”, Vicky asked, sitting cross-legged on the floor, in front of the coffee table. It turned out she was organizing the birthday party of his little step-brother.

“Not yet”, he mumbled. He was tired, because he couldn’t fucking sleep.

“Dude”, Vicky exclaimed and he felt his blood boiling, “you have to do it soon!”

“There’s still time”, he gritted out. His head was killing him.

“Yeah, but you have to actually out effort in it, alright? The boy idolizes you”, she sighed, “seriously, you have-”

“I fucking got it, okay?”, he snapped, which earned him a raised eyebrow. Lizzy, who had been getting ready to go in the hallway, poked her head into the living room, also looking at him with raised eyebrows.

“Sorry”, he said.

“Matteo, are you okay?”, Vicky asked, concerned.

“I’m fine.”

“Why are you so angry all the time then?”, Lizzy asked. He couldn’t look at them.

“My dad made me quit smoking”, he explained, “and… It’s harder than I expected. It’s frustrating. Everything is annoying me”, Matteo sighed. He didn’t know what to do. Everything was so fucking shitty and he wanted to smoke, badly.

“I know what to do”, Lizzy said, which surprised him, “come with me.”

“You have a black belt in karate?”, Matteo couldn’t believe what he was hearing. They were in her apartment as she got ready.

“I do”, she answered.

“Why?”, he couldn’t comprehend why someone like Elizabeth would be in martial arts. He thought she was more passive-aggressive than actually aggressive.

“Anger issues run in my family”, she simply answered as she hoisted the bag on her shoulder, “my sister bakes, I beat up people. It helps, really”, at the face Matteo made at her, she sighed and added, “Trust me, it’s a great stress reliever. Let’s go, David is probably already there.”

Matteo’s mouth suddenly went dry. This wasn’t part of the deal.

“David?”, he didn’t want to see David. One of the few perks of quitting weed was that his mind was clearer, he felt more present. The downside of that was that he was now much more aware of how into David he was. With nothing to dull his senses, every time David was close to him, Matteo felt on fire. He knew that he was acting weird, and he knew that David had noticed, but he didn’t know what to do. Things had been a bit awkward between them since that night in Vicky’s kitchen, and it was getting worse, because of Matteo.

“Yeah, he’s my sparring partner”, she locked the door, “he’s the best. The others usually hold back, because I’m smaller than most of them, but he doesn’t. It’s great.”

“Wait, he also has a black belt?”, Matteo had really been pushing it. He started thinking about all the times he had been trying to piss off David. He had really been walking on a thin line. David could have easily beaten him up.

“Well, no. He does MMA.”

Matteo supposed that David didn’t get his nice body by sitting around. Of course, he worked out. But, he couldn’t imagine David actually fighting with someone.

Matteo watched as David slammed Elizabeth in the ground and he winced. This looked like it hurt, a lot. David quickly held her down. Matteo didn’t know how, but she did something - twisted her body in a weird way and pushed him off her, and this time she was the one that trapped him.

David tried to get her off him, but she didn’t bulge. After a few seconds he tapped her shoulder and she let go.

“You should lean back a bit when you are trying to hold me down, so I won’t be able to use my hips or legs”, Lizzy stretched out her hand towards him, to help him up.

“Yeah”, David nodded, wiping the sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand.

“Okay, let’s go”, both of them got into position for another round. God, they were brutal with each other, there was no holding back. Lizzy’s kicks looked incredibly painful, and David surely wasn’t going easy on her – throwing her around.

Matteo looked around the sports hall, there were a few more people sparring with each other, but it was relatively empty. No one was paying attention to them. Matteo looked back at David and Lizzy, who somehow had gotten closer to him. He shuffled back a bit, not wanting t get into their way. He looked down his own outfit. He had borrowed some sweatpants and a T-shirt from Lizzy. He felt a bit self-conscious in them. He wasn’t made for sport, he knew that. Climbing the stairs up to Vicky and David’s apartment always left him out of breath, his P.E. teacher had given up on him a long time ago. Jonas had tried to force him into going to the gym, but all he did was play on his phone, while he was supposed to do sit ups. He was a hopeless case, and now he would be sparing. What a fucking joke. 

Lizzy and David were done apparently. He thought that David had won. Now, they were lying on their backs, breathing heavily. Lizzy slowly got up and walked to him, taking one of the bottles of water and throwing the other one at David, who caught it with ease.

“Alright, come”, Lizzy poked his knee with her foot. Matteo was not ready for this. He made his way to the centre of the room, unsure, feeling awkward in his own body.

“First, I’ll teach you how to protect yourself, then you are going to spar with David.”

What.

“What?”, he was anxious about it. The grin that David threw his way didn’t make him feel more relaxed.

“Don’t worry, I’ll go easy on you”, David smirked. And, okay, you couldn’t blame Matteo for blushing. David's shirt was clinging onto his body in a way that shouldn’t be legal. His face was flushed, and the cocky look in his eyes made him look so fucking hot, Matteo wanted to throw himself into a freezing lake, or take a cold shower, or anything really, that would stop him feeling like his insides were on fire.

They spent the next hour like this: David was demonstrating what he had to do, while Lizzy corrected his posture. It wasn’t that bad, honestly. It was fun even. Though, he knew he was doing badly, but it made David laugh, so he didn’t care that much. 

“Alright”, Lizzy looked at her watch, “I have to make a phone call, but you are going to apply what we just learned while sparing with David. I’ll be right back”, and just like that, she left.

“Okay,” David was right in front of him, frowning slightly, “Get into position.”

It was mostly a reflex by now, but Matteo moved one leg slightly forward and brought his hands in front of his chest. David kicked his legs apart a bit more. 

“Isn’t this dangerous?”, Matteo asked, once he realised they were actually doing this. He was sure Elizabeth should be here.

“No offence”, David dragged his eyes up and down Matteo’s body, and it would have made him blush if David didn’t have the most condescending look on his face Matteo had ever seen, “But, I don’t think you can do much damage”.

Matteo punched his shoulder and glared at him.

“Yeah, I was right”, mumbled David, “Alright, let’s do this! You go first.”

Okay, bad idea, _bad fucking idea_.

“Matteo! You should pay attention to your surroundings”, David was literally sitting on him and Matteo couldn’t breathe. It was one thing to ignore his feelings, and a whole other thing to control his hormones. He was a gay teenage boy, okay? And, there was another hot boy on top of him, what was he supposed to do? This was literal hell. He hadn’t realised how much touching this would involve, because he was fucking stupid. David threw him around with ease, like he was nothing. But, that wasn’t the worst part, oh, no, it was when David was trying to pin him down, now that was a real challenge.

Matteo was an honest boy. He couldn’t lie and say that he had never thought about David on top of him, but this – what was happening now – was too real for his comfort. David was literally sitting on his lap, while he had Matteo’s hands pinned above his head, breathing heavily right on his face.

_Dear God_, Matteo wasn’t really religious, but desperate times called for desperate measures, _please kill me now_.

“You aren’t paying attention”, David pouted.

_Trust me, dude, I am_, Matteo wanted to say, but he couldn’t because he was so fucking tired. Everything hurt. Instead, he continued breathing heavily. Matteo realised he was starting to hallucinate from exhaustion, because he thought he saw David glancing down at his lips.

David leaned back, so he was just sitting on his lap.

“Uh”, he looked flustered, “It’s, um, important that you keep, uh”, David’s cheeks were getting redder and redder. Matteo leaned in, resting on his elbows, still trying to catch his breath. Suddenly, as if David just realised how intimate this looked, he scrambled away from Matteo. 

“David, are you okay?”, he managed to ask. He was actually concerned, because David’s face was really red.

“Yeah, just, uh”, David fanned his face with his head. At that moment, Lizzy walked in. She looked at both of them and she tried to stifle her laugh.

“Everything alright, boys?”

“I”, David quickly gathered his things – his phone and the water bottle, “I have to go, I have work”.

Lizzy just raised an eyebrow and smirked. But, David was gone in seconds. She looked back at him, but Matteo was looking at the door, trying to figure out what just happened.

“Alright, let’s see what you can do and then we can go.” 

Matteo groaned.

That night, for the first time in a while, he managed to fall asleep in seconds.

The next day he couldn’t get out of bed. Everything hurt, everything. He couldn’t move his hands nor his legs without groaning. Leo had come in his room ask if he was coming down for breakfast. Matteo explained that he was currently in Hell, so no, he wouldn’t be moving soon. Leo had brought him breakfast, then he had made another trip to the kitchen and up to his room to bring him a glass of water and some painkillers. It was so sweet, Matteo’s heart ached. He was honestly close to tears when he saw how carefully Leo had walked into the room, holding the glass with both of his tiny hands, the painkillers neatly put into his pocket.

“Thank you, Leo”, with great effort Matteo got up. He didn’t want to waste the little boy’s effort. Leo just beamed at him.

It went on like this – Amira was making him study, David was forcing him to continue coming to the gym to spar with them, though, he was fighting more with Lizzy (he couldn’t decide if that was a good or bad thing), his friends have also stopped smoking, or at least they didn’t do it around him, his father… it was still a bit strange between them, his dad was still hassling him for university, but he was nicer, he actually asked about Matteo’s day and he even looked interested. Overall, he was being kept busy and he was grateful.

Everything was going fine. He couldn’t complain really about anything, and yet. Yet, he still felt like someone was holding onto his heart, tight, trying to crush it. He still felt anxious about stupid shit, keeping himself awake at night. He supposed that it was because he wasn’t smoking weed anymore, but he didn’t want to smoke. He just felt bad. Like there was a blackhole in his chest that was sucking in every nice thought, every good feeling. And, he couldn’t understand why. Everything was going fine. 

Matteo was restless again. He couldn’t fall asleep. He tried listening to music, counting, meditating – nothing work, he had tried every method that a quick google search had recommended, yet it was nearly five am and he hadn’t slept. He hated this.

He had gotten used to smoking before going to bed, it just helped him relax. But, he couldn’t do that anymore. He didn’t even want to, but he didn’t know what else to do.

He felt on edge. A million thoughts were running through his mind and he couldn’t just sit still. He was pacing around his room, trying to calm himself down, but it didn’t help. He tried watching a movie, but he couldn’t concentrate. Nothing helped.

Matteo was tired, so fucking tired, but it was like his brain just wouldn’t let him rest.

In a moment of desperation he grabbed some of his notebooks and sat down on the bed. He always fell asleep while studying, so he hoped this would work. He opened one of notebooks – it was literature. He was reading through his notes, but he wasn’t concentrated enough to actually learn anything, at least it kept him occupied.

On the bottom of one of the last pages there was a doodle of the poop emoji on top of a cartoonish version of Matteo, and in a familiar handwriting, under the drawing it was written _eat shit_. He hadn’t noticed it before.

Matteo smiled. He grabbed his phone and took a picture of it, sending it to David with a couple of middle-finger emojis. 

To his surprise, after a few seconds David texted him back.

**David**

(05:35) youre up early

(05:35) and youre studying?

(05:35) who are you??

**me**

(05:35) couldn’t fall asleep

Matteo watched patiently the three dots on his screen, indicating that David was writing something back. After a few seconds they disappeared. Then, they appeared just to disappear again. For some reason this made Matteo, who was already worked-up enough, nervous, so he typed another message.

**me**

(05:38) why are you up?

**David**

(05:39) morning run

**me**

(05:39) you are a psychopath

**David**

(05:39) do you want to come with me

**me**

(05:39) no????

**David**

(05:39) cool, i will be at ur place in twenty minutes

**me**

(05:40) why? i said no??

**David**

(05:41) wear comfortable shoes

**me**

(05:41) no??

(05:42) david??

(05:45) david i won’t come

(05:53) DAVID

**David**

(06:03) im in front of ur house

Of course, though, Matteo went out, because he would always use any opportunity to spend more time with David.

David was leaning against the gate, looking at his phone. He was dressed in all black, of course – black tights, shorts, hoodie, trainers. Matteo would have made fun of him for wearing _shorts over tights_, and for being _fucking emo, _but he looked so fucking good. It was unfair. Matteo’s eyes trailed down his body, properly checking him out, before he realised what he was doing and how fucking weird it was, so he immediately stopped, training his gaze onto David’s face.

He felt a bit self-conscious next to such a gorgeous boy. He was wearing the only tracksuit he had – a present from his father, which was indicative of how well he knew his son. Matteo hadn’t even bothered to brush his hair. 

Before Matteo could… he didn’t know, run away? David looked up from his phone and smiled as his eyes met Matteo’s.

“Na?”, he pocketed his phone, giving his full attention to Matteo.

Matteo ignored the way it felt like there were butterflies in his stomach and how David’s smile gave him heart palpitations.

“Na”, he said, and kicked at David’s shoes.

“Are you ready?”, the boy in front of him tilted his head charmingly, which didn’t help Matteo’s case, not one bit.

“No.”

David laughed, “Come on, I’ll go easy on you.”

“Fuck”, Matteo stopped. He rested his hands on his knees, bending down, struggling to catch his breath. David sighed and walked back to him. There was a hint of a smile on his stupidly pretty face.

“You okay?”, David raised an eyebrow at him.

Matteo would have flipped him off if he had the energy.

“How long have we been running?”, he managed to ask. David took out his phone.

“Five minutes.”

“I fucking hate this.”

“Stop being a baby”, David grabbed his hand and started pulling him, “come on.”

Matteo thought about how nicely David’s hand fitted in his. He thought that he wouldn’t mind doing this if David was holding his hand.

God, he was whipped. It was disgusting. He knew what was happening. He knew that this would happen the moment he saw David, yet, he had tried to forget it, to bury it deep inside his mind and not thing about it, about these feelings. He had tried, but there was no helping it. Even though, David had said that it would never work, even then, Matteo couldn’t get over it, over the want, over…

David was everything. Even when Matteo felt like shit, David made him feel better. Even when Matteo didn’t want to talk to anyone, see anyone, David was the exception. He was always the exception. Matteo would have never thought he could feel so much about someone. He would have never thought he could care so much about someone. He didn’t know how he would have made it through the past few days if David wasn’t with him.

Matteo jogged after David, staring at his broad back. He realised that falling in love with David was inevitable. It still hurt, but it was good.

“Do you want one, too?” David asked pointing at his cheek. Matteo shrugged. It was Leo’s birthday party. They were going bowling, but before that his father had asked Vicky, who in turn asked David if he could draw some animals on their faces. David had said yes, and now he was here, drawing on twenty kids’ faces.

Matteo had been reluctant on staying for the birthday party, he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do, but David had come over and it had been fun. It was always fun with David- _Jesus fucking Christ, he should stop doing this. _

It was also great to see Leo’s reaction when Matteo had given him his present. He knew that Leo was a bit nerdy, so he bought him a Marvel encyclopaedia and one of those DIY science books, plus some of the things needed for most of the experiments. Leo had been ecstatic. He had hugged Matteo and thanked him. He had carefully placed his gift in his room, not letting his friends touch it. It made Matteo’s heart swell.

And, now, after David was done, all of the kids and Sylvia had gone out, leaving him and David alone. 

“Sure”, Matteo said with a smile, pushing himself to sit on the table. David stepped closer to him, settling between his knees.

“So, what do you want?”, David was cleaning up his brush, without looking at Matteo. But, he was so close, so fucking close, Matteo felt like he couldn’t breathe.

“A pigeon”, he croaked out and then he cleared his throat. David looked up from his supplies to stare at Matteo.

“A pigeon?”

“Yes”, Matteo grinned.

“Can’t it be just a bird, or-”

“No, it has to be a pigeon”, Matteo smiled as David rolled his eyes.

“Alright”, he gently placed his fingers on Matteo’s chin to turn his head slightly to the side. Then, he stepped even closer. Matteo shuddered as he felt the brush touching his cheek.

This was so difficult. Matteo felt like the air between them was electric. He couldn’t help but fidget, much to David’s annoyance.

“Dude”, David huffed after Matteo turned his head away for the hundredth time.

“Sorry”, Matteo let him position his head again. He forced himself not to move, but it was _hard._ David’s face was just inches away from his own. He looked like he wasn’t bothered by this, which annoyed Matteo.

If he just leaned in a bit, he could kiss David. This was how close they were. It didn’t help that David kept biting and licking his lips, which made Matteo blush. He was overwhelmed with how much he wanted this. And, David was right here. If he just angled his head, if he just leaned in a bit more-

He didn’t know what happened. Matteo realised David was annoyed, because Matteo had looked down again, but he didn’t say anything. He just grabbed his chin, making him look at him. Then, his hand slipped down slowly, until it rested on the back of Matteo’s neck. Matteo raised an eyebrow, questioningly. He wasn’t breathing. But, David was just staring at him, gently playing with the strands of hair on the back of his neck. Matteo looked down, the eye contact was a bit too much for him. Matteo let out a shaky breath. He wished this could happen.

David’s other hand rested on his hip, which surprised him. Matteo looked back at him again.

Then, David pulled him in and kissed him.

The kiss was impossibly soft. The kiss was so innocent, so sweet it made Matteo’s heart ache. He cupped David’s cheeks, keeping him close. Matteo had never been kissed like that. Matteo closed his eyes and felt something shifting inside his chest, like suddenly, everything was in the right place.

After a few seconds David moved away.

Matteo chased after him, but David leaned back. When Matteo opened his eyes, he saw that David was panicking. Matteo caressed his cheeks with his thumbs, as to say, _it’s okay_. But, the boy in front of him still looked like he was about to bolt.

The sound of loud footsteps coming made them jump apart. After a few seconds, Matteo’s dad entered the room.

“Oh”, he looked between them, “you didn’t go with the others?”

“No”, Matteo answered, but his father just kept staring at them. His heart was racing.

“Uh, I have to go”, David quickly gathered his stuff and left, before Matteo could even do anything.

It was just him and his father now. Matteo knew his face was red. He couldn’t stop replaying the kiss in his head – how soft David’s lips were, how tenderly he had been holding Matteo’s face, how nice he smelled. He couldn’t stop thinking about it. He could still feel the ghost of David’s lips on his own, and it was only because his father was in the room with him that he hadn’t brought a hand to his mouth.

“So, you and David?”, his dad asked after a few minutes, looking just as confused as Matteo.

“Please, don’t”, Matteo groaned. He felt like laughing and crying at the same time.

It was six am. Matteo had passed another sleepless night, because of _David_. He needed to see him.

Matteo grabbed his phone and texted Vicky.

**me**

(06:12) are you awake

(06:12) can i ask you something?

**lesbian mom**

(06:13) he’s at the gym

Matteo wasted no time – he quickly got dressed and left the house, running towards the gym.

Vicky was right. Not that he thought she was lying to him, but…

David was in the gym, hitting a punching bag. Matteo cleared his throat, making his presence known. David was startled. 

“Na?”, Matteo nervously greeted. He didn't know if they would be able to talk now. He walked towards the centre of the gym, “Do you want to spar?”

For a few minutes David didn't say anything. He looked conflicted. Matteo realised if David said no now, it would mean saying no to them, to him. Fortunately, David walked towards him, looking determined.

But, he wasn't really focused on fighting Matteo. He seemed distracted and Matteo used it to his advantage. Matteo grabbed David’s shoulders, pushing him back, and tripped him. David lost his balance and fell down. Matteo quickly used the opportunity, straddling him, successfully pinning him down.

“Yes!”, Matteo huffed. After so many times David whipping the floor with him, it felt amazing to be wining for once, “I win!”

Both of them were breathing heavily, their faces were flushed. Matteo was still tense, though, because it was suspicious that David wasn’t trying anything. He was just lying down, staring at Matteo. His eyes were dark, nearly black, and they had this intense look it made Matteo’s throat close up. Suddenly, it got much warmer in the room. He licked his lips and noticed how David’s eyes dropped down to his mouth.

Matteo was too scared to move. He was overwhelmed by want, but he didn’t want to scare David away again. So, he didn’t move. He didn’t do anything. He kept staring down at David, trying to figure out what to do from here.

Suddenly, David’s arm escaped from his grip. Matteo was too slow to do anything about it.

_Shit, he’s gonna hit me_.

David grabbed the collar of his shirt, and Matteo braced himself for the throw that would follow.

Except, that did not happen.

David pulled him forward, crashing their lips together. After a few seconds he leaned back, horrified, but Matteo wasn’t letting this go. Not again. He dived in again. This was nothing like their first kiss – there was nothing gentle about it. It was like they were still fighting, letting out their frustrations on each other.

Matteo wrapped his arms around David’s neck and his legs around David’s waist, pulling him even closer. David had one hand under his shirt, the other was on his neck.

Matteo felt like he was dying. He wanted so much. He swiped with his tongue David’s bottom lip, hoping he got the hint. David did. He opened his mouth, their tongues touched and it all got downhill from there. David had sat up properly with Matteo in his lap. Matteo had one hand gripping his hair, pulling him even closer, because he wanted this. He had wanted this since the beginning. David broke the kiss, but stayed close, panting into Matteo’s mouth.

“Shit”, he whispered against Matteo’s lips.

“No”, Matteo started kissing down his chin, his jaw, his neck. When he got back to his lips, just a breath away from them, he said, “Don’t think about it.”

That seemed to have soothed David’s worries, because he pushed Matteo back, until he was lying on the floor and David was hovering above him. Matteo still had his legs wrapped around David’s waist.

David kept looking at him.

“What?”, Matteo huffed, impatiently.

“You’re gorgeous”, David said. This time, Matteo was blushing for an entirely new reason.

“Fuck, shut up”, he pulled David down and kissed him.


	6. he's easy to love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> boy, am i nervousssss 
> 
> here is the last chapter! i'm sosososo sorry for taking so long to post it, but i wanted to thank you for being so patient with me.
> 
> but, here it is! i don't know how to feel about it, but i sincerely hope you will like it! 
> 
> also thank you so much for the lovely comments!! ❤️❤️❤️

_\+ He's easy to love. _

David leaned back a bit to look at the boy under him. Matteo’s face was bright red, his hair looked like a bird’s nest and there were small red bruises scattered across his neck. He realised that he had one hand under Matteo’s shirt, the warm skin burning his palm. David felt himself getting embarrassed, his own face flushing. Though, what caught David’s attention were Matteo’s lips – red and wet, looking a bit swollen. Matteo slowly opened his eyes and looked up to David, grinning. God, he had really meant it when he said that Matteo was gorgeous.

David felt like there was a lump in his throat. His heartbeat picked up again for entirely new reason, panic rising in his chest. He fucked up, he really fucked up. He sat back on Matteo’s lap, rubbing his face with his palms, trying to clear his head.

It was one thing kissing Matteo after Leo’s birthday party. He could have made up an excuse about that – that he had been caught up in the moment, that he… tripped? and somehow his lips ended on Matteo’s (_are you stupid_, he could hear Lizzy saying in his head), something, anything! He would have thought of an excuse. But, this? He had no excuse. He couldn’t explain why he had kissed Matteo like that. He didn’t know what to do.

As if Matteo sensed his anxiety, he also sat up, but he wrapped his hands around David’s hips, pulling him flush against his chest. His hold was tight, but when he felt David tensing up, he loosened his grip.

“I told you to stop thinking”, he whispered, a small smirk on his lips. David grabbed his shoulders, clutching at his T-shirt. He wanted to say something – apologise, explain, anything, but the only thing that was on his mind was how badly he wanted to kiss Matteo again. His eyes were bright, and he looked… happy. Matteo was now full on grinning, looking at David as if he was the best thing that had happened to him. It was too much. David didn’t know how to feel. On one hand he felt so fucking happy, because he was the one making Matteo feel like this, but on the other – cold dread paralysed his heart. This was going too fast – he wasn’t ready to talk to Matteo, yet. He had to tell him.

“Matteo, uh”, he couldn’t concentrate, because the blond boy was currently pressing small kisses down his jaw and neck. He hummed, but David couldn’t get another word out. He wanted to kiss him again.

“What?”, Matteo leaned back, when David didn’t finish his sentence. David looked at his face, and he couldn’t force himself to push him away. Not now.

He pulled Matteo towards him and kissed him again. Matteo gripped David’s hips hard and gasped, when David’s hand once again found itself under his T-shirt.

They broke apart only when they heard voices in the hallway. Technically, he and Matteo shouldn’t be here, but since Laura knew the owner of the gym – Owen, they were good friends, David had special privileges when it came to using it at odd hours. David had appreciated it, because it was hard to combine work, school and gym, so having the freedom to come here whenever he wanted was life-saving. Though, he didn’t think Owen would appreciate him using the gym to make out with the boy he liked. God, that really happened.

It still felt like a dream.

Matteo rested his forehead on his, breathing heavily.

“We need to talk”, David finally managed to form a coherent sentence. Matteo hummed, but the look in his eyes was hopeful, heated, like he was thinking they wouldn’t be doing a lot of talking.

“I’m serious”, David leaned back, “We really need to talk.”

“Okay”, Matteo nodded. But, neither of them moved. David realised that he had to actually detach himself from the boy in front of him if they wanted to go anywhere else. It surprised him how much he didn’t want to move, despite the anxiety fogging his brain. He was intoxicated by Matteo’s warmth and closeness and he didn’t want to let go, ever. He felt like if they stepped out of the gym, this small bubble away from reality, would burst and he wasn’t ready to let go of the illusion that something could happen between them.

“We can go to my place?”, Matteo offered after a few seconds of silence. His voice was soft and calm, and he had a small smile on his lip, but it was the look in his eyes that really got to David. His eyes were bright, brighter than they had been the past few weeks. It was Matteo’s eyes that had first drawn him in. He had always had a soft spot for them.

“David?”, Matteo said, quietly. One hand had sneaked upwards towards his neck. His thumb was gently stroking David’s jaw. He couldn’t help the warmth that bloomed in his chest, because of the small gesture. David adored the way Matteo’s lips turned in the corners, forming a small smirk on his face.

Right. Matteo had asked him a question.

“No, let’s go back to mine”, he answered, as he slowly stood up, already missing the contact, “I’ll go change, uh, wait for me at the entrance”.

“Okay”, Matteo was now standing next to him. He grinned as he pulled David towards him. He pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. It took everything in David not to pull him back when they parted. Matteo hadn’t stop smiling.

When he was finally alone in the changing room, David banged his head a couple of times on his locker, asking himself _what the fuck am I doing. _He sighed. Now that Matteo wasn’t around him, he couldn’t hide from reality anymore. It was ridiculous how much he liked Matteo. No, it wasn’t ridiculous, it was just pathetic how gone he was. But, he couldn’t let that mess with his head. He shouldn’t let this get out of hand. Though, it might be a bit late for this.

No. He couldn’t do this to himself. When he came to Berlin, he had a clear plan in his mind – stay low, have his surgery, survive Abi, go to university and start over. That was it. He couldn’t let a random boy ruin everything he had worked so hard for.

But, Matteo wasn’t a random boy. He had become so much more.

He wanted this, but he wasn’t ready to talk about it with Matteo. David hated this, he hated how complicated everything always had to be with him. He wished he could be himself without having to explain anything.

David banged his head again on the locker.

It was unfair to Matteo. He felt like he was leading him on. Matteo had been so open with him, completely trusting, and yet, David couldn’t bring himself to do the same. And, he knew that Matteo knew that he was hiding something. Yet, he had been nothing but supportive. David didn’t deserve this boy.

He checked his phone. It was seven am.

Just for one day he wished everything was simple, just for _one_ day.

No. He had to talk to Matteo. Tell him that whatever was between them couldn’t happen. Or, at least not right now.

With a final sigh, David quickly changed his clothes, shoving everything else in his gym back. He had to put a stop to this before it escalated. They were going back to his apartment and they were going to talk. David was going to explain to him, that everything was going a bit too fast for him now. It would be fine.

Matteo was waiting for him at the entrance. When he got close enough to him, he looked up and smiled immediately, and David felt his resolve weakening.

“Here”, Matteo passed him a chocolate bar, his favourite one. He fucking hated this.

“Thanks”, he took the chocolate and smiled back. Matteo’s grin widened and David realised he was fucked. Truly, absolutely fucked.

The walk to his apartment was tense, but nice. He and Matteo kept joking and shoving each other, like nothing had happened, like they hadn’t been making out just a few minutes ago.

Everything was easy with Matteo.

It got worse when they were finally in his room. He knew that Vicky wasn’t at home, so they didn’t necessarily have to stay in his room, but he felt more protected here.

At the sight of Matteo looking around his room curiously, studying the drawings on his walls attentively, with a small smile on his face made David’s heart swell. He imagined just for a moment that it could be like this for them. It would have been so good.

He had never met anyone like Matteo. Someone that made him feel this happy just by being next to him.

David wanted this so badly it hurt. He stepped closer to Matteo, who was now in front of his desk, looking through his stuff. But, when he sensed that David was getting closer, he turned to face him.

“Your drawings are really good”, he said as he picked up another one of David’s sketchbooks, “You are very talented”, his eyes were bright.

“Uh, thanks”, David answered, lamely. He didn’t know what to say, too distracted by how close they were, by the warmth radiating from the blond boy. David looked down Matteo’s neck. The bruises were getting darker, contrasting nicely on his pale skin, reminders of what had happened an hour ago.

“Can I…”, Matteo asked, but he opened the sketchbook before he finished his question, looking through the pages. He leaned back on the desk, carefully taking in every page. David settled on watching him, trying to stifle the feelings rising in his chest.

“I really like it when you…”, something caught Matteo’s eyes, making him lose his trail of thought, “uh, when you stick something self-made on photos”, he finished and turned on the next page. 

“It’s called a collage”, David said, teasingly, and Matteo rolled his eyes, but kept smiling. When he tried to look through the rest of the pages, he realised that they were stuck together.

“Hey, why are these like this?”, Matteo tried to pull them apart, carefully as to not tear them. But, David suddenly realised why he had made the pages like this in the first place. Those were drawings of Matteo. He snatched the sketchbook away from Matteo’s hands.

“Because they are private”, he pulled his hand, which was holding the sketchbook, even further away from Matteo, who was trying to reach it.

“You already showed me some of them, come on”, Matteo pouted, and reached for it again. He was so cute, it made David’s heart grow three times in size. It actually hurt him how much he wanted to kiss Matteo again.

Just for one day, he wanted things to be simple. Just for one day.

Matteo was pressed up against him, one hand on his shoulder, the other one reaching for the sketchbook. He was grinning. His cheeks were pink.

David dropped the sketchbook, cupped Matteo’s face and kissed him. Matteo kissed him back immediately and started pushing him, until he was walking backwards, until the back of his knees hit his bed and both of them fell down on it, laughing. Then, he got on top of David, and started kissing all over his face, which didn’t really help him stop laughing.

Just for today.

Just for one day.

David didn’t know how long they stayed like this on his bed, barely talking, mainly kissing. He didn’t think about anything else, really. The only thing he was focused on was Matteo in his arms.

At some point they had fallen asleep. Matteo had thrown an arm around David’s waist, and a leg over David’s own, his face was shoved in the crook of David’s neck. He was still sleeping, while David had woken up. He traced the shell of Matteo’s ear for a few minutes, enjoying the feeling of being so close to someone, being so close to Matteo.

Though, he couldn’t ignore how hungry he was anymore. He supposed that Matteo would also be hungry, since they hadn’t really eat anything since the morning. David carefully detached himself from the sleeping boy. He couldn’t help but place a small kiss on top of Matteo’s head, because he looked adorable when he was sleeping, and oh, wow, he should get a fucking grip. Matteo frowned at the loss of contact, and he reached out, hugging David’s pillow instead.

Quietly, David left the room.

He let out a deep sigh just as he closed the door. Suddenly, the ache in his chest returned. He had brought Matteo here to talk to him, yet not much talking had been done. He was at least self-aware enough to know that he wasn’t doing himself a favour.

He walked towards the kitchen, hoping Vicky had made something, or he would have to serve Matteo a bowl of cereal for dinner. In the kitchen, Vicky and Lizzy were hovering over the stove. Lucifer was sleeping in the corner of the room.

“David”, Vicky turned to him, smiling brightly, “hey”, she hugged him when he walked to them.

“Hey”, he hugged Lizzy, too, “What are you doing?”

“Dinner”, they replied and looked back at the stove. There was a large pan on it, with a weird-smelling orange liquid in it and some badly chopped vegetables.

“And what is this?”, he eyed the pan suspiciously. Honestly, this didn’t look eatable.

“Moroccan veggie soup”, Lizzy replied and looked down her phone, “Add the lemon juice now”.

Vicky did as she was told. Then, Lizzy looked at him, a smug smile on her face.

“Is your guest going to join us for dinner?”

David felt himself blushing. Vicky looked at them, confused.

“We have a guest?”

“Didn’t you see the extra pair of shoes?”, Lizzy asked, but her expression was soft, as it always was around Vicky. It was sweet.

“No? Who’s here?”, Vicky gently stirred the… thing that was in the pan.

“Guess”, Lizzy leaned back on the counter, crossing her hands in front of her chest, the smirk returning on her face. Vicky looked puzzled, but then she gasped, her eyes widening, her eyebrows raising towards her hairline. David found her reaction a bit exaggerated, so he just rolled his eyes.

“Matteo?”, she asked, but she knew the answer, “You know, that’s perfect, I’m not very sure this is eatable, at least he’ll be able to cook something for us”, she was being a bit too loud.

“Nonsense”, Elizabeth waved her hand and shook her head, “This is going to be great.”

“Where is he?”, Vicky turned to him, looking behind him as if Matteo would appear there.

“In my room”, he said, “he’s sleeping, keep it down”.

“He’s sleeping in your bed?!”, Vicky was now mocking him, so he just gave her an unimpressed look.

Both of the girls kept staring at him, expectantly.

“What?”

“What do you mean what? Aren’t you gonna update us with what happened?”, Vicky moved the pan from the stove to the counter, burning her fingertips in the process. She hissed, and Lizzy caught her fingers in hers, pulling them towards the sink, where cold water was running.

“Nothing happened”, David mumbled and he moved to pour some soup for him and Matteo. Lizzy took the bowls from him, forcing him to look at her.

“What?”, he asked again, a bit more irritated. Lizzy, though, kept glaring at him.

“What is your deal?”

“What do you mean?”, he snapped back. He didn’t want to think about what was happening. He promised himself _one_ day. He would deal with all this tomorrow.

The girls looked at each other, then they looked at him. Vicky looked concerned, while Lizzy had her trademarked half-annoyed, half-neutral expression.

“You know this is a good thing, right?”, Vicky smiled at him softly, her voice was gentle and her expression was warm, “Matteo is good for you.”

David sighed. It wasn’t that simple, it never was with him.

“I don’t think I’m good for him”, he mumbled.

“David, you don’t have to ruin this, just because you think-”, Lizzy started talking, but he didn’t want to listen to her. This was the millionth time he was having this conversation with her. He was sick of it. It wasn’t like he enjoyed pushing people away. But, it was so fucking annoying that he couldn’t just be himself. And, it wasn’t just about dysphoria, because that fucking sucked on a whole new level, but things like why he had a different name on his ID card, why he wore oversized clothing, why his parents didn’t talk to him anymore, why he had to move, why he always had bruises on his chest and ribs – he always felt like he had to explain every aspect of his life. Fuck, David didn’t want to deal with this shit, but he had to. How could he expect someone else to put up with this, too? His parents couldn’t. And, they were supposed to be his main support system.

When Lizzy realised he wasn’t listening to her, she flicked his forehead.

“You aren’t listening to me!”

“We’ve talked about this-”

“David, other people also have shit they have to deal with, you aren’t that fucking special”, she spat out, and he felt like she just slapped him. As if she didn’t know everything that had happened to him. As if she wasn’t one of the people that helped him move to another fucking city. And, now she had the nerve to-

“Okay, let’s calm down”, Vicky looked concerned. She had put a hand on Lizzy’s shoulder, squeezing it. Vicky was trying to make her look at her, but Lizzy wasn’t relenting. She kept her glare on David, who also wasn’t backing down.

Deep down, he knew what she meant by that. He knew that she was trying to help him, trying to tell him that we all had struggles in our lives, but we couldn’t let them control us or some shit like that. He knew it. Still, she didn’t have to be such a bitch about it.

“What the fuck do you know?”, he said, and she snarled, as if preparing for a fight.

“Uh, no, we are not doing this”, Vicky was trying to get between them.

“I’m sick of you always trying to push the good things away”, she leaned on one side to look at him, because Vicky was blocking her, “Not everyone is going to be like the kids from your school or your-”

“Hey, let’s have dinner, and we can maybe talk about this calmly after that”, Vicky had now turned to him, blocking his view of Lizzy. But, David wasn’t having it. Just as he was about to start arguing with her, they heard footsteps.

“Hey, where did you…”, Matteo shuffled in the kitchen, rubbing his eyes. His gaze landed on David first and a smile bloomed on his face. Despite, being so worked up, David felt his anger deflating, when he saw him. He didn’t know how things escalated this quickly, but seeing Matteo made him calm down a bit. Matteo was still looking at him, his expression soft, and David couldn’t help but smile back at him, despite wanting to scream in Elizabeth’s face two seconds ago. But, when Matteo realised there were other people in the room, he quickly schooled his expression into a more neutral one.

“Oh, hey, help me get these in my room”, David gestured towards the bowls that were put on the counter. He took two spoons and two glasses of water. He sneaked a glance towards Lizzy, who still looked pissed, but she had zeroed in on the purple bruises all over Matteo’s neck. God, he had no self-control and he had to take Matteo away from those two before they said something stupid. Plus, he didn’t think he could stay one more minute in the same space with Lizzy.

“Do you want bread?”, Vicky asked, but Matteo shook his head, while taking the bowls. He grimaced when he smelled them.

“What is this?”, he asked, looking a bit disgusted, “What did you put here?”

“Shut up and eat the food I give you”, Vicky quipped back, pinching his cheek, but her cheerful voice sounded forced.

“Let’s go”, David said, making a move to leave the kitchen.

“Wait, we-”, Lizzy obviously thought they weren’t done, but David didn’t want to deal with her. Vicky had grabbed her hand, in case she tried to go after David. He just glared at her and left the kitchen. Matteo followed him, and he knew that he was curious about what had happened, judging by the questioning look he threw his way when they were back in David’s room.

But, David didn’t want to talk about it. He was upset enough as it was. So, he just shook his head, as if to say _it doesn’t matter_. Matteo smiled softly at him, bumping their shoulders together, and David started feeling better.

They settled on the bed, with their backs against the headboard. They spent a few seconds looking at the bowls in their laps, a bit unsure if they should actually eat it, because it looked bad. They looked at each other, and then, at the same time they tried it. A few seconds passed and they spat the soup back into the bowls.

“This is horrible”, Matteo said, as he put away the bowl. He reached for the glasses on the nightstand, giving one to David. They drank the water, hoping it would dull the disgusting aftertaste.

After a few more minutes, Vicky yelled out, “I’m ordering pizza”.

Matteo laughed.

“Would you mind if I played some music?”, David asked, once they had eaten their dinner, which was pizza and muffins. The muffins weren’t part of the plan, but David supposed it was Vicky’s way of asking for peace.

“No, of course not”, Matteo was distracted with something on his phone, but he smiled at David when he looked up.

“I don’t know if you know this”, David quickly turned on his laptop to play the song that he was thinking about. After he had pressed play, he looked at Matteo, to see his reaction.

“Did you seriously just say ‘I don’t know if you know this’ and then played take me to church?”, Matteo asked, a teasing grin on his lips. David laughed and he went back to the bed, settling next to him.

After a few seconds, Matteo asked, “What was all that about?”

He was slumped against David, playing with his hands. David had rested his head on Matteo’s, watching him twist his fingers around David’s own.

“Nothing”, he answered. He curled his fingers, so Matteo’s were trapped between his own. After a few seconds he let go.

“Elizabeth said something about your old school?”, Matteo continued to pry for information, but David didn’t feel as irritated as he thought he would. He sighed.

“How much did you hear of that?”

“Just the last part”, Matteo leaned away from him to look at his face. David missed the contact. He wanted to pull him back in.

When he didn’t say anything, Matteo grabbed his hand and squeezed it.

“You know you can always talk to me, right?”, he asked, quietly. David believed him, but then, he remembered opening up to the one person besides Laura he had trusted and how it had all gone to hell after that. 

“It’s just… I got bullied at my old school”, David felt a lump forming in his throat. He felt stupid for getting upset about it, because he thought he had moved on, “And, it got really bad so I had to move.” David thought it would be easy to just to tell Matteo the reason why he was bullied. That, he had been outed by his best friend that he was trans, and that some people were really cruel to him about it. He could just say it. But, the words wouldn’t come out of his mouth. He wanted Matteo to know more about him, but he couldn’t make himself say the words. He was afraid it would push him away, if he knew everything. So, he hoped this was enough.

He couldn’t really imagine Matteo doing or saying something hurtful. He just wasn’t that type of person. Even when they had their arguments in the beginning, Matteo had been mostly just annoying, never actually mean. David didn’t know why he was so reluctant on telling him. Maybe it was because he didn’t want to ruin this idea he had of Matteo. What if he wasn’t actually this nice? What if he was like the other people from his old school?

Matteo wrapped his hands around his shoulders pulling him towards his chest. David returned the hug, squeezing him tightly.

Yet, he couldn’t imagine this boy actually being mean to someone.

Matteo deserved someone better than him.

A couple more of Hozier’s songs had played before Matteo spoke up again.

“We had a good talk today”, Matteo said, a teasing grin on his face. They were lying now on his bed, still wrapped in each other. David looked up and glared at him, but that didn’t deter Matteo’s spirits. Instead, he added, “We should continue it”.

David rolled his eyes, but he moved to get on top of him. Matteo grinned as David hovered above him, but he started pouting when David didn’t do anything else. He leaned up, but David leaned back, laughing.

“You are so annoying”, Matteo put his hand on the back of his neck and pulled him in. David didn’t even mind the disgusting after taste of Vicky’s sad excuse of a soup that lingered on Matteo’s lips. 

At some point Matteo had to go home, since he had promised his little step-brother to help him with a project or something. It was stupid how disappointed David felt, since they spent the whole day together. But, he promised himself just a day of pretending.

Matteo sneaked out of the apartment, not before pressing another kiss to David’s lips.

David felt a dull ache in his chest, knowing it was all over now.

He was walking back to his room, his head hung low between his shoulders, thinking why he kept doing this to himself. All of this could have been avoided if he had just ignored Matteo.

“Hey”, as he passed the living room, he saw Vicky called out to him, “Come have coffee with me?”

David didn’t really want to talk to her now. Not with what happened with Lizzy.

“Lizzy went home hours ago”, Vicky added, as if she could read his thoughts. He sighed, trying to think of an excuse, but before he could say anything, Vicky had started pulling him towards the kitchen.

“Do you want milk?”, she asked as she placed a cup in front of him.

“No, thanks”, he sipped his drink, enjoying the bitter taste, liking how he started feeling more and more awake. Vicky always knew how to make the best coffee. When he tried to do it himself he always made it too bland, always putting more water than necessary.

“I raised you right”, she winked as she sat opposite him, on their small kitchen table. When he moved in, the first few days they always had breakfast together, but gradually their schedules started to clash, so it was impossible to do it anymore – he always got up too early, or Vicky often would just skip breakfast. He smiled as he thought about the first time they had breakfast. Laura had been there, too.

“I’m really worried about you”, Vicky said, her grip on the cup tightening.

“You don’t have to be”, he smiled at her. As annoying she could be, he really loved her.

“Yes, I do”, it got silent between them. David didn’t know what to tell her. It wasn’t like she would ever know how he felt. She would never understand.

“I don’t know what to tell you”, David wished he could go back to his room. Vicky was looking at him with sad eyes and he couldn’t take it. He didn’t want her pity. He knew what he was doing was for the best.

“David”, Vicky started, but then, she stopped. She looked like she was thinking over what she was going to say. Then, when she made up her mind, she spoke again, “You aren’t being fair to Matteo.”

“What?”, he asked, surprised at the turn of the conversation. His gripped on the cup tightened. He felt himself getting annoyed.

“You are leading him on”, she answered. She was looking right at him and he felt exposed, like he was being scrutinised.

“It’s not… it’s-”

“You know how much he likes you, but you won’t do anything about it. Yet, you keep giving him hope that something can happen”, Vicky sighed, “Look, I know I can’t force you to do anything, I can’t make you change your mind, but don’t you think you are being an asshole to him?”

David was speechless. He knew Vicky was right. He was being selfish, he hadn’t stopped for a second to consider how Matteo would feel. But, even though he knew Vicky had a point, that didn’t stop him from getting annoyed.

“Why do you always feel like you have to meddle with my life?”, just as the words left his mouth, he felt pangs of guilt in his chest. He was being harsh. Vicky’s eyes widened and she stuttered, trying to defend herself. But, he didn’t want to listen.

He got up and left without another word.

David knew what he was doing wasn’t right. He shouldn’t have kissed Matteo, he shouldn’t have brought him here. He should have stayed away. It was his own fault that he was in this situation.

David’s phone buzzed. He had a message from Matteo. He couldn’t bring himself to open it. This was for Matteo’s good. David wasn’t the type to let people in, not after everything that had happened. When everything went to shit, he ran, he didn’t see the point in staying. He wasn’t made for relationships. He had accepted that long ago. It was too complicated. Honestly, he was doing Matteo a favour. He deserved something beautiful, and David was sure he wasn’t going to be the one to give him that.

For once he had wanted to be selfish. But, it was time to let go now.

Finally, the time had come. David had been waiting for this his whole life probably. Finally having his top surgery was probably the only good thing that was happening right now, yet, he still felt like shit because of Matteo, and because he was fighting with Lizzy and Vicky. He couldn’t wait to finally go to back to Frankfurt, get away from all this for a bit. David realised that he was running away again, but he didn’t care. It was what he did.

David closed his eyes as he leaned back on the bench he was sitting on. He was an hour early for his bus, but he couldn’t stay in his apartment any longer. He had sneaked out, because he didn’t want to talk to Vicky. She had been sleeping when he left, so he was sure she wouldn’t come to send him off. 

Bored, David took out his phone. He noticed he had a few messages. He opened the ones from Leonie first.

**Leonie**

(08:34) hey, aren’t you coming to school?

**me**

(08:45) no, I’ll be visiting my sister, so I’ll be gone until after the holidays

**Leonie**

(08:47) wait, so we won’t see you until school starts again?

(08:48) you should have told us! L

**me**

(08:49) sorry!

**Leonie**

(08:50) you have to hang out with me after you come back, okay <3

David smiled as he read her last message. Then, he clicked on the one from his sister.

**Laura**

(07:04) text me when u depart

(07:08) can’t wait to see you <3

**me**

(08:52) I’m at the station

The last notification was from Matteo. David knew he had a couple of unread messages from him. He opened the chat, but he didn’t read any of the older messages, just the last one.

**Matteo **

(03:16) can’t wait to see you tomorrow

David knew what he had to do. It wasn’t fair to lead Matteo on any longer. He had spent the last two days thinking over what he should say to him, but he still didn’t know. But, this couldn’t go on. Vicky was right. He was being an asshole. His hands were shaking, as he was writing the message.

**me**

(09:00) Things are going too fast.

(09:03) I don’t think this could work.

(09:09) I’m sorry.

Just as he pressed send, he felt pangs of guilt. He was tempted to delete the messages immediately. But, David knew he couldn’t. This was for the best.

His phone started ringing. It was Matteo.

David spent a few seconds just staring at his screen. Then, he declined the call. But, Matteo called him again, and again, and again.

**me**

(09:15) Please, stop. I’m not into you. I don’t want to have anything to do with you.

David had just turned off his phone, when he noticed that someone was standing right in front of him, too close to comfort. He looked up and saw Elizabeth, a worried expression on her face with her hands crossed over her chest.

“Were you planning on leaving without saying bye?”, she asked.

“It’s not like I’m leaving forever.”

Lizzy sighed as she sat next to him. David pocketed his phone. They sat in silence for a few minutes before Lizzy spoke up again.

“Stop being mad at me.”

It made David smile. Of course Lizzy couldn’t just apologise like a normal person. But, he didn’t say anything.

“Do you know what my ex told me when we broke up?”, she asked. That made David look at her, puzzled. Lizzy never talked about her personal life. The only reason he knew she had a boyfriend in the first place was because of Vicky, who was complaining about it to him.

“No?”, he answered, prompting her to go on.

“He said that I’m a heartless bitch and that no one will ever put up with my shit”, her voice wasn’t exactly monotone, there were hints of both amusement and sadness.

“Harsh”, David winced. But, Lizzy just shrugged.

“He’s not exactly wrong”, David wanted to argue with her, tell her that her ex was just being a bitter asshole, but he didn’t. He wanted to hear what she had to say.

“Honestly, I can’t believe I actually did it, break up with him, I mean. We had been together for three years. But, even before that we had been friends since we were in diapers”, she sighed again and closed her eyes.

“Did you love him?”, David asked. He was turned towards her, studying her face.

“Of course, I did”, she opened her eyes, “But, not like I love Vicky.”

It got quiet between them again. David reached out and took her hand in his. She smiled at him.

“It’s really scary, you know? Vicky is basically the opposite of me. She feels so much, all the time”, Lizzy chuckled, “I had never met someone who was so open with their feelings. It’s amazing”. She paused, there was a hint of a smile on her face, like she was remembering something nice.

“I’m not like that. But, even if I don’t show it, I still have feelings”, she glanced at him and smirked, “Shocker, I know.”

David laughed and squeezed her hand.

“If we ever break up, or if things get bad between us, I’m sure I’ll be the one that will suffer more”, then, she looked at him as she covered his hand with her other one, “But, you know what? Even if we end up hating each other, I think it would be worth it.”

David looked away. He wanted to pull his hand away, but Lizzy wasn’t letting him go.

“No one else gets me like Vicky does. It was so hard to let someone in, to… show myself, who I really am. I was convinced nobody could really deal with me, and I was fine with it. But, I’m happy I get to have this.”

David leaned away from her and closed his eyes.

“Matteo is a sweetheart”, she said, her voice was fond, “I told you, he would never do anything to hurt you.”

“But, I’m going to hurt him”, David finally managed to say. Lizzy scoffed.

“David, he’s not fragile and you are not some… I don’t know, monster? Matteo can take care of himself. You just have to give him a chance.”

David mulled over what she said. He hadn’t really thought about all this from Matteo’s point of view, he hadn’t actually consider how Matteo would feel at all. He had been so sure that what he was doing was for the best for both of them. But, now… he didn’t know. He just felt terrible. 

“Besides”, Lizzy continued, “It’s unfair to him that you get to make all the decisions. I mean, even if you think it wouldn’t work between you two, don’t you think he deserves to know why? Of course, you don’t owe anything to anyone, but you like him. He deserves an explanation, right?”

David listened to Lizzy, he really listened, and the dull ache in his chest got stronger.

“Lizzy”, he looked at her again, “I really fucked up.”

“Matteo?”, Vicky opened the door, rubbing her eyes with her hand, but when she got a good look of him, she asked, “Are you okay? What are you doing here?”.

Her hair was a mess, she was still in her pyjamas. He had woken her up. But, he didn’t care about this now. He pushed her to the side and walked into the apartment.

“David?”, he called out, but there was no answer. He went to David’s room, but it was empty. David wasn’t here.

“Where’s David?”, he asked Vicky, once she caught up to him. She looked at him, confused.

“What are you talking about?”, Vicky looked more awake. Suddenly, her eyes widened, “Shit”, she muttered as she slapped her forehead.

“Where is he? I need to talk to him”, he couldn’t hide the desperation in his voice anymore. He felt like he could cry any moment. He really needed to see David.

“He’s traveling to Frankfurt today”, Vicky explained.

“Frankfurt?”, Matteo was trying really hard not to cry, “What is he doing there?”

“Uh”, Vicky started, a bit unsure, “He’s going to visit his sister for the holidays.”

“But, we still have school?”, Matteo looked around the room, half expecting to see David.

Victoria just shrugged, and she looked away.

“Can you call him?”, Matteo asked, “He isn’t picking up my calls. I really need to-”

“I don’t think he’ll answer me”, Vicky answered, sadly. She looked at him, guilt written all over her face, “What happened?”

“I don’t know”, he said. He really didn’t. He didn’t know what he did wrong. He thought they were good. It _had_ been good. But, of course Matteo fucked it up.

“Matteo?”, Vicky was right in front of him, cupping his face with her palms. Before she could say anything, her phone started ringing, startling them both. Matteo leaned back from her touch.

“Uh, it’s Lizzy”, Vicky was looking at her phone, a bit unsure. Then, she hung up. But, after a few seconds her phone rang again.

“I’ll…”, Matteo started walking towards the door, “Sorry for, uh…, I’ll just go”, he ignored her calling out to him and walked out of the apartment, the building, onto the street. He felt like he was in a dream and he wished he would wake up already.

Matteo didn’t get what David’s deal was.

Everything was fine on Saturday, or at least Matteo thought it was fine. It was more than fine for him, if he had to be honest. It was beautiful. For the first time in his life Matteo felt like he belonged. It had been the best day of Matteo’s life probably. He had been hoping that it wouldn’t be a one-time thing. He would lie if he said he couldn’t imagine them spending their days like this – in each other’s arm, hidden under a blanket away from the real world.

But, even if David couldn’t see them being together, he had hoped they would remain friends. Not this.

As he lay in bed, he kept rereading the last messages David sent him. He kept rereading them until they stopped making sense, until the words started blurring, until all he could make out from the messages were just some random letters. Then, he threw his phone away.

_Fuck this_.

“Matteo, baby”, Vicky was sitting on his bed, trying to shake him awake. Matteo appreciated her concern, but he didn’t want to talk to her now. He didn’t know how many hours had passed after he got home. He had kept falling into and out of sleep, not really keeping track of time. He vaguely remembers calling Franco (“_If Vicky asks, you didn’t get it from me. I’m serious Matteo, she will behead me if she finds out. Or worse, she’ll tell Elizabeth._”) and smoking after that.

The funny thing was that he didn’t enjoy smoking as much as he used to. Mostly, he felt guilty, but it had been great to dull everything, to bring back the fog around his brain, for a few moments not to think about how he always fucked up.

“Wait, did you”, she crouched down, her face getting closer to his, “did you smoke?”

Matteo turned to the other side, so he wasn’t facing her anymore.

“Fuck off.”

“Matteo, what the hell?”, she hissed and poked his back repeatedly, “Why?”

“Leave me alone”, he wanted to sleep, he was so fucking tired.

“No.”

“Seriously just fuck off”, he snapped, which made her stop poking him. She leaned forward until her chin was on his shoulder.

“I know you are upset about David, but”, she said, her voice kind. He buried his head in the pillow, so she couldn’t look at his face.

“I don’t want to talk about it”, he interrupted her. Besides, she wasn’t exactly right. As much as he would like to pin all of this to David, he knew that wasn’t the only reason. Matteo was just the type of person to always feel bad. David was part of the reason, but it wasn’t all of it. He just felt terrible, shitty. The past few weeks had been great, but deep down he knew it was just a matter of time before he started feeling like this again – hopeless. Maybe David knew this would happen and decided to save himself the trouble. Matteo didn’t blame him. He would have done the same, if he could.

“Matteo”, she said softly.

“I don’t know”, he mumbled. He felt like he could cry, “I don’t know what I did.”

Somehow, he always fucked things up, always.

Vicky kissed his temple.

“You didn’t do anything”, he was surprised at how sure she sounded.

“How do you know?”, he asked bitterly.

“I just do”, Matteo faced her, and she gave him a smile.

“You don’t even know what happened”, she ruffled his hair affectionately, but the gesture made him cringe. He knew his hair was gross ad greasy. He hadn’t showered in a couple of days.

“David might seem really cool, but he is a bit stupid, you know?”, she said, a small smile on her face, “Give him time.”

It didn’t make him feel better. They stayed like this for a while. Vicky’s presence was comforting, and he was glad he had her.

Vicky had left, but at some point she returned and unceremoniously dropped Lucifer on top of him.

“What the fuck?”

“There is no one else to take care of my baby, so you have to do it”, she explained. Matteo knew she usually visited family around Christmas, but she always left Lucifer with Hans. He glared at her. She knew that her stupid cat hated him. Why was she leaving it with him?

“I’m not taking care of it.”

“Yes, you are.”

Matteo tried to gently push Lucifer off his chest, but the cat just scratched him. He looked up to Vicky, gesturing with his scratched hand towards the cat. She just shrugged.

“Be nice, Lucy”, she kissed the top of the head of the cat and then she kissed Matteo’s head, “Cats are the best remedies for when you are feeling sad”.

Leo was now next to them, staring at the cat in wonder. He carefully outstretched his hand and Lucifer rubbed his head on his palm. Leo gasped in surprise, but he looked happy. Vicky laughed.

Matteo wished they would go away.

“I have to go, but”, she looked at him, sad, “Call me if you need anything”. He nodded, but he knew he wasn’t going to. She left the room and Leo followed her, Lucifer in his arms.

“What’s wrong with him?”, he heard Leo ask, his heart breaking because of how concerned he sounded.

“He’s lovesick”, answered Vicky wisely and if he had the energy he would have gotten up to kick her. He heard Leo asking something else, but he couldn’t make out what exactly it was. Whatever. He didn’t care.

“Why do we have a cat?”, Matteo heard his father’s voice in his room. He pushed the blanket off his face, so he could look at him. He was dressed for the day – the usual suit, tying his tie. It took a couple of seconds for Matteo to gather the energy to say something.

“Vicky left it here, since she’s going away”, his voice sounded weird, because his mouth and throat were dry. He glanced at the nightstand, where Leo had left him a glass of water. He couldn’t bring himself to reach out and take it.

“Okay”, his father looked around his room, “Aren’t you going to school? You still have a few days before Christmas vacation.”

Matteo sighed, “I don’t feel well.”

“Do you have a fever?”, his father took a step closer to him, reaching out to touch his forehead, but Matteo quickly pulled the blanket over his face.

“Okay”, he heard his dad mumble, “I, uh, can stay home if you would like?”

Matteo’s first instinct was to ask why the fuck would he do that, but he stopped himself. It was so weird to see his father actually trying to be caring.

“No, it’s fine”, Matteo said, hoping his father would leave him be.

After a few more minutes, his father finally decided to leave him, telling him to call if he needed something – medicine or anything else.

Matteo was glad he was finally alone, but just as he was about to reach under his bed for the weed he had hidden there, he heard his door open again. He sighed. He peeked over his blanket and saw Leo walking towards his bed, Lucifer in his arms. He carefully placed the cat on Matteo’s stomach.

“What are you doing?”

“The lady from the other day said to do this, when you aren’t feeling well”, Leo explained. He looked a bit worried, as if he had done something wrong. Matteo didn’t believe this would make him feel better, but he appreciated Leo’s efforts nevertheless.

“Thanks”, he said as he looked at Lucifer, who was curled up on his stomach. He hadn’t scratch him yet, so he guessed it was fine.

“I’ll go now”, Leo said, and his sad eyes were killing Matteo.

When he was finally alone, he felt tears forming in the corners of his eyes. He wished he wasn’t like this. More than anyone else he wanted to be normal, to stop being such a burden to other people. This was why David had left. He had seen Matteo for who he really was.

Matteo didn’t blame him. Hell, if he could, Matteo would have ditched himself a while ago.

Lucifer shuffled towards his face. Matteo looked at him curiously, as Lucifer started pushing his head against Matteo’s cheek. This was weird. He reached out and petted the cat’s head and Lucifer purred.

Huh.

Maybe Vicky had a point.

It had been probably three days since Matteo last left his room. He wasn’t sure. He knew his father and Sylvia were seriously starting to worry, but their relationship was too fragile for them to really do anything about it. Leo was worried. The boys have been texting him nonstop. Vicky was calling every two hours. Even Lizzy texted him. But, Matteo couldn’t bring himself to do anything to make them stop worrying. It made him feel terrible. So, his only solution was to sleep and ignore his problems. 

Someone was poking his stomach. Matteo opened his eyes, tiredly. Leo was next to his bed.

“Come with me”, he said.

“Leo, I’m tired”, Matteo tried to turn around, but Leo had gotten a hold of his hand and was tugging on it.

“Just come for a second, you can lie down again after”, he was holding on Matteo’s hand with his own, trying to pull him. Matteo smiled bitterly. He used to do that with his mom, when she didn’t want to get up.

His mom.

He really wanted to talk to her. 

“Alright, alright”, with a sigh, he let himself be pulled out of bed. Leo didn’t let go of his hand, though. They started walking, leaving the comfort of Matteo’s room.

They crossed the small distance between Matteo’s and the guest room. When Leo pushed open the door, Matteo felt his chest tightening at the sight.

There was a giant blanket fort on the bed, inside he could see various snacks.

“What?”, Matteo huffed out a laugh.

“When I get sad, we always make a blanket fort with my dad. It helps, it always makes me feel better”, Leo explained. Matteo’s heart ached.

“Do you get sad often?”, he asked, but Leo shook his head.

“No, but I was sad when dad was leaving, so…”, Leo was contemplating something, “I don’t know if it would help with your sickness.”

“My sickness?”

“The lady from the other day said you are lovesick. I don’t know what that is, but she said you are very sad.”

Matteo really wanted to kick Vicky, but he couldn’t stay mad for long. This was too sweet.

“Okay”, he huffed out a laugh. Leo tugged on his hand, pulling him in the blanket fort. He pushed a lot of chocolates and candy towards Matteo. There was also a pint of ice cream. Matteo just realised how hungry he felt. He couldn’t remember the last time he ate. He felt like he could cry. Then, Leo searched for something and when he found it he left out a small _Aha_! He was holding a Nintendo Switch.

“Here, if you wanted to play”, he reached out.

“Actually”, Matteo made himself comfortable, patting the spot next to him. Leo sat down next to him, leaning on his side, “Why don’t you play? I’ll watch while we eat those”, he gestured towards the floor littered with various sweets.

“Okay”, Leo agreed, excitedly. He leaned on Matteo’s shoulder and passed him a chocolate bar.

It was the one David really liked. Matteo sighed and took a bite out of it. It was bittersweet.

“Boys”, Sylvia’s head was poking out of the door frame, “Would you like to come down for dinner?”

Matteo didn’t want to leave. He didn’t have the energy to deal with his father and Sylvia.

“Or”, as if sensing his hesitation, Sylvia continued, “Would you like me to bring it here?”

“Yeah”, Leo said, “I’ll help you. Be right back”, he said as he emerged from the blanket fort.

“I’m not hungry, Leo”, Matteo ruffled his hair, “Don’t worry about it.”

“But-”, Leo was looking at him with wide worried eyes and Matteo felt his chest tightening. It was nice to have a younger brother.

“I already ate so much sweets,” Matteo explained, “But, you go have dinner”. Leo was still unsure, but he still walked towards his mother. 

“What’s up with you two?”, Sylvia asked as Leo was walking towards her.

“Matteo is lovesick”, he answered seriously. The corner of Sylvia’s lips twitched upwards. Matteo cringed.

“Is that so?”

“Yeah, so we…”, Matteo couldn’t hear what else he said, because they had already left the room.

Matteo wasn’t really hungry. He had eaten a lot of the sweets Leo had brought. He was still feeling a bit out of it, but he decided that he could go shower. Yeah, that sounded like a good idea.

Leo had fallen asleep right after dinner.

“Sorry”, Sylvia had said, a small smile on her face, “He tried his best to wait for you, but he had a tiring day at school”. Matteo had no idea he had been showering for so long. Well, he had spent a few minutes staring at the fading bruises on his neck, trying not to cry.

“Uh, it’s fine”, Matteo had come down to the kitchen to get some water.

“Are you sure you don’t want dinner?”, Sylvia asked. She was being very kind to him and Matteo really appreciated it. He had been a bit shitty to her.

“I’m good, thanks”, he answered as he poured himself a glass of water. He spotted a few more of David’s favourite brand of chocolate and took some, so he had something to snack on after he smoked.

“Matteo”, she called out to him before he left. He turned around and leaned on the door, “Would you like to have some tea with me?”, he was about to say no immediately, but he stopped to think for a second. He knew what she was doing. She didn’t want him to be alone. But, he realised that it wouldn’t be so bad to spend some time with her.

“Sure.”

Sylvia did most of the talking, but he liked listening to her. He liked how soft spoken she was, how calming her voice was. He honestly couldn’t imagine her in a classroom full of loud teenagers, but when she talked about her job, she had emphasized on how much she loved it, but Matteo couldn’t really believe her. Spending time with a bunch of entitled teenagers and trying to teach them something? Sounded like Hell to him. Especially when he knew what it was like to be one of the entitled teenagers.

She didn’t talk only about her job, though. Matteo realised that they had a lot of things in common. Both of them like video games, which… was truly surprising to Matteo.

“I haven’t played in a while, though”, she sighed.

“I have Zelda if you ever feel like playing”, he said. Sylvia laughed.

It was nice talking to her. In the end, he hadn’t talked about anything that was bothering him, because he didn’t want to, but she also didn’t push him. Still, somehow, he felt lighter, a bit better. 

Though, it made him miss his mom, a lot. When Sylvia talked about Leo, he could feel a dull ache in his chest. He wanted to see his mom. He wanted to talk to her.

When both of them decided it was time to go to bed, the first thing he did when he got back into his room was to call his mom.

It was quite late and he didn’t really think she would pick up. But, she did.

“Matteo”, he could feel the warmness in her voice from the speaker.

“Mom”, Matteo felt tears prickling the corners of his eyes.

“What’s wrong?”, she sounded worried. He was amazed how quickly realised he was upset. It must be a mom thing.

“Mom, I got my heart broken”, this wasn’t what he wanted to talk about. He had wanted to tell her so many things, but this was the first thing to slip out from him. Matteo supposed it wasn’t that surprising. He was used to running to his mom, when he was sad.

“Oh, darling”, she sighed, and he wished he was with her. After a few seconds, he spoke.

“I fell in love with a boy. His name is David”, he was holding his breath. He was scared and relieved to have finally told her.

“And, what happened?”, she asked, after a few seconds. Her voice was still soft and warm, no hint of disgust or hatred.

He told her a bit about David and how happy he made him, but they didn’t only talk about that. They talked for hours about school, about his dad, about his mom’s new job, about everything. They even made plans for Matteo to come back to Italy for the summer. Little by little, Matteo felt the heaviness in his chest getting lighter.

“Aren’t you going to sleep, darling?”, his mom asked, when they both had been silent for a few minutes. Matteo was about to say no, but he did feel quite tired.

“Yeah, I…”

“Don’t worry, okay?”, his mother said, and somehow, after everything, it made him feel better, “Everything is going to be okay.”

He believed her.

Matteo thought he could go to school the next day, but it was Friday, before the break, so there wasn’t really any point. Though, he used the opportunity that he actually felt like going out of bed to clean up his room a bit.

He was halfway done, when he suddenly felt too tired to move. He was sitting on the floor, sorting through his notebooks and textbooks, but he couldn’t bring himself to finish his work. He kept looking through the drawings David had left him, the ache in his heart getting sharper and sharper with every note he found. He fucking hated this. His talk with his mom had made him feel less hopeless about the whole thing, but. It still sucked. But, he didn’t feel like his heart was being crushed anymore.

He spotted his phone under his bed and took it, opening the photos app and looking through the pictures. He had a few pictures of David on his phone, and he looked at them more often than he would like to admit.

Nothing could compare to David’s long lashes, strong jaw, plump lips. He couldn’t believe someone like David was real. God, he was beautiful.

But, it wasn’t just his looks. It was everything. Everything was beautiful with David and Matteo wondered why he wasn’t enough for him. What did he do wrong to push him away? His mother had assured him that it wasn’t his fault, that David must be stupid if he couldn’t see what he was missing. But, still. Why did he go?

His phone buzzed and he saw that Vicky was calling him again. He threw his phone under his bed.

“Why aren’t you picking up my calls?”, he heard a voice behind him, which scared the shit out of him.

“What the fuck”, he turned to see Vicky standing in the doorway, her hands crossed against her chest, a frown on her lips.

“What are you doing here? Weren’t you going to Munich?”, he made no move to stand up, he just kept looking at her.

“She was too worried about you”, Lizzy appeared behind her, looking just as pissed, “And we came back”.

Matteo didn’t know what to say. He felt strangely touched that they came back for him, but at the same time he wanted to roll under his bed just so he didn’t have to talk to them. He was tired. He hadn’t slept much after his talk with his mom.

“I’m fine”, he said, as he got up from the floor. They didn’t believe him.

“You don’t look fine”, Lizzy said. But, he was actually feeling a bit better than he had been the past few days. Not good enough to actually talk to them, though. He hated how worried Vicky looked. Hell, even Lizzy seemed concerned.

“I know that David-”, Vicky started, but he interrupted her.

“Can we not talk about this?”, he didn’t want to think any more about David. Lizzy and Vicky looked at each other.

“Well”, Lizzy broke the silence, “I’m gonna get Lucifer and go back home, because I have things to do. Hope you feel better.”

Matteo smiled at her awkward attempts to be nice to him. It was nice. After she left, Vicky dragged him to the bed.

“Let’s watch movies?”, she pulled out her laptop and put it on her lap. She was leaning on Matteo, who snuggled next to her. He did appreciate her company.

As he watched the words Only Lovers Left Alive flash on the screen, he felt like laughing. But, of course. He didn’t think Vicky did it on purpose. He remembered David saying it was his favourite film and that they should definitely watch it together. He asked Vicky to choose something else.

“Matteo, man, we were going to send a search party for you, if-”, Jonas stopped once he was in Matteo’s room.

“Yeah, man, you can’t just ghost us”, he could hear Abdi behind him. Carlos also said something in agreement. Once, all three boys were in his room, though, it got silent.

Matteo looked at Vicky and she looked back at him. He knew that maybe it looked weird – having a girl that was half lying on him, on his bed, wearing his clothes (Vicky had borrowed a T-shirt and some sweatpants, so she could be more comfortable. Matteo had protested, because he didn’t want her to stay, but she ignored him).

“Uh”, Matteo would have found it funny how shocked they looked, but it was so fucking awkward. He knew what they were thinking, “It’s not what it looks like?”

“I think I should go”, Vicky quickly got up. She smiled as she passed by them, gathering her clothes and leaving the room.

“Luigi!”, the three boys exclaimed loudly, and Matteo cringed. Oh, how disappointed they would be.

“Is this the Italian girl?”

“Man, why didn’t you tell us?!”

“You spent the whole week with her, god, you an-”

“Boys”, Matteo stopped them before things escalated, “It’s not like that.”

That didn’t deter them, though. All of them had those stupid smug faces. Abdi was even wiggling his eyebrows, for fuck’s sake.

“I mean it, we are just friends”, none of his friends were buying it. Jonas, to his credit, had picked on his tone.

“So”, he spoke up, before the other two boys made any stupid comments, “Where were you last week?”, Jonas asked, concerned. He was glad he had a friend like Jonas.

“I… was sick”, Matteo explained.

“No, wait”, Carlos interrupted them, “Are we just going to ignore the fact that Luigi had a hot girl in his bed just a few seconds ago?”

“What about the hickeys?”, Abdi added, and Matteo felt his face flushing. He had thought they would have faded by now.

“I told you, it’s not like that”, Matteo repeated, hoping they would leave it be. But, of course they didn’t. Abdi and Carlos started asking him questions, and despite his efforts to make them stop, they didn’t. He knew they had good intentions, but it was getting a bit too much.

“Guys!”, he yelled out, “I’m gay, so, no, she isn’t my fucking girlfriend.”

That made them shut up.

Matteo finally realised what he had said. He looked at the boys, studying their reaction. Jonas looked surprised, while Abdi and Carlos just looked confused. No one said anything for a few minutes.

Matteo was looking at them, waiting to see their reaction. But, Jonas’ surprised face changed into a more concerned one.

“Why didn’t you tell us anything?”, Jonas asked, sounding sad. Matteo shrugged. He had been scared of their reaction. He still was. But, he supposed that the fact that they were still here was a good sign. Abdi and Carlos moved over to him and sat on the bed. Jonas followed them, sitting right next to him. 

“Is this why you’ve been avoiding us?”, Abdi asked, but Matteo didn’t say anything. He didn’t know what to tell them. He hadn’t really expected to come out to them like his, but, well, it has been done.

The boys looked at each other, then they settled more comfortably around Matteo.

“You know that doesn’t change anything, right?”, Jonas had pulled him into a hug, while Carlos and Abdi were leaning on him.

“Yeah, we will be just as annoying to you about boys as we were about girls”, Carlos poked his cheek. It made Matteo laugh. He hadn’t expected this – to be accepted so easily. He had thought there would be more questions, that they would be angry at him, but none of that happened. Matteo felt a bit stupid for having worried so much for this, but overall he was relieved.

They spent the next few hours talking about school, what he had missed, what they had planned for the holidays. It was nice. Matteo hadn’t really talked much, content to just listen to them, but of course, they weren’t going to let him go.

“So”, Abdi sat back, so he wasn’t leaning on him, anymore, but was sitting right in front of him. Carlos looked at him, questioningly, but then he grinned and followed what his friend had done.

“Here we go”, Jonas muttered.

“Who is the mysterious boy?”, Carlos asked, wiggling his eyebrows. Abdi had a matching shit-eating grin. Matteo looked at Jonas, who also seemed curious.

“It doesn’t matter”, Matteo answered. It really didn’t, not anymore.

Carlos raised an eyebrow at him, and he poked his neck. Matteo knew he was blushing again.

“It doesn’t look like it doesn’t matter”, Abdi also poked his neck, while Jonas laughed.

“Stop”, Matteo slapped his hand away. But, when the three of them were looking at him expectantly, he gave in, “It’s really nothing”, he said, bitterly. God, now he wasn’t even that sad anymore. No, well. He was. But, he was also angry.

“Who is it?”, Jonas asked.

“Guess”, Matteo answered. The boys looked at each other, then looked back at him. It was eerie how in sync they were.

“Markus?”, Abdi asked and Matteo scoffed.

“Markus? I don’t think we’ve ever talked”, he shook his head, “Try again.”

“You don’t talk to anyone, this is hard”, Jonas remarked. He pursed his lips, and took out his phone, going to Matteo’s Instagram to see who he was following.

“David?”, Carlos suddenly spoke up. Matteo felt pangs of pain in his chest.

“Yeah”, he croaked out.

“I knew it”, Carlos hit Abdi’s shoulder, grinning, “They had the vibes.”

“Oh my god”, Jonas shook his head, laughing.

“So, you and David…?”, Abdi trailed off, waiting for Matteo to explain.

“Nothing”, Matteo said, sadly, “It didn’t work out.”

“But, why?”, Carlos had one hand on his knee, it was comforting. Matteo looked around for his phone, but when he didn’t see it, he decided he would just tell them what happened.

“He said he wasn’t into me”, Matteo was proud that his voice didn’t shake as he spoke, “That he wanted me to leave him alone.”

“That’s harsh”, Abdi said. Matteo could feel Jonas tightening the grip he had around his shoulders.

“Wait, just like that?”, Carlos pressed.

“I don’t know. Everything seemed fine”, Matteo looked down to his lap, “But, I guess it wasn’t.”

He knew he wasn’t telling them everything – he hadn’t told them about the kiss, he hadn’t told them about the day they spent together, but obviously, they knew something had happened. And, he didn’t want to talk about it, it was still too painful to think about all the things that could have happened.

“What an asshole”, Abdi said after a few minutes.

“Fuck him”, Carlos added. Matteo just sighed, longingly.

“Yeah. You know what, we should go have a talk with him”, Jonas said, “Give us his address, we’ll take care of it”. It made Matteo smile how they were on his side, no questions asked. He knew what Vicky was in an awkward position, because she was friends with both of them, but this felt nice. Even if David didn’t want him, he still had the boys. And his family. Matteo wasn’t as alone as he thought it was. Of course, it wasn’t the same as David, because no one got him like David, but… He was going to be fine. It might not feel like it now, but he knew he would be.

The boys refused to go home, insisting on sleeping over. Since the guest room was currently occupied by the blanket fort, the three boys had decided they were going to stay in Matteo’s room, much to his annoyance.

“There is a couch”, he repeated for the fourth time probably, “In the living room. You can go there.”

“Why?”, Abdi asked, “We are good here”.

No, they weren’t. They were squished on Matteo’s bed, pizza boxes between the little spaces between them. Matteo wanted to protest, but he realised that he didn’t mind as much as he thought he would. It was a bit gross that they were eating on his bed, especially with Abdi’s and Jonas’ questionable food choices, crumbs were going everywhere, but he was happy to be around them again.

Yeah, his mom was right, he was going to be fine.

The boys had to leave the next day, as all of them were going somewhere for the holidays, so they had to pack. Matteo had to kick them out, because they had been considering cancelling their plans just to stay with him, but he didn’t want that.

“You can come with me and Hanna on our trip if you want”, Jonas said, but Matteo just shook his head.

“I’m good, thanks”, he answered, “Besides, I already have plans with Leo”.

As much as Matteo acted annoyed, he was really grateful for them. It was nice to know they cared about him. Matteo had convinced himself that nobody really gave a shit about him, so he was glad he was proven wrong.

“Bye”, Carlos hugged him, then he stepped out of the house. Jonas ruffled his hair and pulled him in a hug. Then, of course Abdi hugged him, too. But, when he let go, he grabbed his shoulders and looked at him, expression too serious for someone like Abdi.

“If you ghost us again, we’ll come back.”

Matteo laughed, “Okay, okay, you can go now.”

Matteo had promised Leo that they would watch some movies together. So, he had brought his laptop into the blanket fort. He knew that Sylvia couldn’t wait to ruin it and reclaim the guest room, but Leo was determined not to let her win. It was amusing. Plus, he also wasn’t ready to let go of it.

But, unfortunately, Sylvia, his dad and Leo had to go to a dinner tonight.

“But, mom!”, he could hear Leo whine, “I want to stay with Matteo.”

“I’m sorry, baby, but I promised your uncle you are going to be there”, Sylvia said, gently, “You can watch movies tomorrow”.

“Matteo”, Leo shuffled into the room, teary-eyed.  
“It’s okay, Leo, we can watch tomorrow”, it wasn’t like Matteo had anything better to do. Or, the energy to do it.

“But-”, he whined again and left the room to pester his mom. Matteo chuckled. Leo really was a sweet boy. 

Honestly, Matteo was glad that he would be alone for the night. The past few days he had been surrounded by people constantly, and as much as he appreciated it, he felt exhausted.

Suddenly, Leo appeared in the room again.

“Matteo, there is some guy that wants to talk to you”, Leo said. Curious, Matteo peaked out from other the blankets, and his breath caught into his throat. David was standing on the doorway, gorgeous as ever, looking at him with sad eyes. In front of him was Leo, who was waiting for Matteo to say something.

“Ask him for the password”, Matteo answered, because he wanted to be petty.

“What’s the password?”, Leo asked, his tone serious, his posture showing he wasn’t playing any games as he turned to David.

“I’m sorry”, David said and Matteo felt his chest tightening.

“He can come in, Leo”, Matteo said after a few tense moments with a sigh, “You should go, your mom will be angry if you keep her waiting”.

Leo threw one last uncertain look at him and he tried to smile. Then the little boy turned to David.

“You have to be careful, he’s lovesick”.

Oh my god, “Leo, go”, ushered him Matteo, embarrassed.

“I will”, assured him David with a small chuckle, but he stopped laughing when he saw the glare on Matteo’s face. _That’s right_, Matteo thought, _you don’t get to laugh about this_. After a few seconds he was inside the blanket fort, sitting as far as possible from Matteo. They just looked at each other.

“I’m sorry”, David started, his voice low and soft, “for what I said. I didn’t meant it.”

Matteo didn’t say anything. He wanted to hear what David had to say. Though, it hurt to be so close to David.

“I thought it would be for the best, if we didn’t…”, David trailed off, obviously not sure what he had to say, “I had a whole speech prepared, but this is harder than I thought”, he chuckled. God, Matteo had missed his smile.

“What made you change your mind?”, he broke the silence. David looked up to him, surprised.

“I… I really missed you”, David answered, honestly, “Something happened, something I had been looking forward for a while, and I was very happy it was happening, but I kept thinking how much I wanted to share my happiness with you.”

Matteo looked at him, a bit confused. He wasn’t really getting what David was trying to say.

“I’ve never met someone like you”, David spoke again, “And, I really like you, but”, Matteo felt his heart swelling. _David liked him_. 

“I have to tell you something first”, David said after a few minutes of silence.

David took a deep breath. Then he grabbed the hem of his shirt, lifting it quickly. Matteo couldn’t breathe. What was he fucking thinking, just stripping in front of him? He could feel his face heating up. He was probably blushing down to his collar. He couldn’t look at him.

Matteo was about to try and tear away his eyes from the skin of David’s stomach, when something caught his attention. There were bandages on his chest.

“David?”, Matteo asked horrified. Why did he have bandages? Did he have a surgery? Did he have heart problems? Lung problems? God, David was going to tell him he had six months to live or something. Cold fear replaced the heat Matteo was feeling in the pit of his stomach. He felt sick. His heartrate had picked up for another reason. David was dying. _David was dying_.

“I’m transgender”, David said quietly.

What.

“What?”

David had the audacity to look confused.

“What?”, he sounded hurt, too. Then, it registered in Matteo’s brain what he had said. Matteo grabbed some of the wrappers that were around him and threw them at David.

“What the fuck?”, Matteo huffed out, “I thought you were going to say you were dying, fuck”, he placed a hand over his heart, clutching the T-shirt he was wearing, trying to calm down.

David just laughed, nervously, putting on his shirt again.

“No, I’m not dying”, he was biting his lip, “Actually, I don’t know why I decided to tell you like this. God, this was stupid”, he was looking expectantly at Matteo.

“I don’t care that you are trans”, Matteo quickly said, but then he realised how that sounded, “No, I mean-, obviously I care, because I care about you, but it’s not a problem for me”, no, that didn’t sound better, “No, I mean, it’s not that it’s-”

“Matteo”, David looked amused, “Breathe”.

“You are David”, Matteo said.

“I am”, he chuckled.

“You are still David,” Matteo repeated, “nothing has changed”.

David smiled at him, “Yeah”.

They spent a couple of minutes in silence.

“Thank you for telling me”, Matteo said. He didn’t know what to do from here.

“I have a lot of things to tell you”, David sighed, “I… I was too scared. I didn’t want to ruin anything. But, I still did. I really am sorry”

“You didn’t ruin it”, Matteo said, quietly. David was looking at him with wide eyes. He wanted to get closer to him, pull him into his arms. “And, you can tell me anything.”

“I know”, David spoke softly, “But, I don’t know. I was scared. I am scared”.

“Of what? It’s just me?”

David just smiled back at him, “I though you wouldn’t like me, if you knew. So, I ran away, before I could get hurt.”

“You always do that.”

“Yeah”, David agreed. He sounded sad, “I’m… working on it.”

“You don’t have to run away from me”, Matteo hated how awkward he sounded, but it was important for him that David knew, “I also sometimes feel the need to get away from people, I get.”

“I know”, David smiled sweetly at him, “No one really understands me like you do”, but Matteo wasn’t done. 

“You don’t know how much I like you”, Matteo confessed, “Nothing is going to change that”. It was scary to be so open with him about his feelings. David grinned, his cheeks had turned pink.

“What did you say?”

“I’m not saying it again”, Matteo scrunched his nose, as David laughed again.

“Ceasefire?”, he reached out offering a piece of chocolate.

“Ceasefire”, David took it with a smile.

Matteo shuffled closer to him, until they were sitting face to face, their knees touching. He started leaning in, and David did the same, smiling. But, before he closed the distance between them, Matteo leaned back again.

“You’re going to stay, right?”

David grabbed Matteo’s face and kissed him.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

Matteo had pulled David into his own room. They spent the rest of the night on his bed, talking about nothing important. He knew that they had to talk about a lot of things, but that could wait. He was just happy that David came back to him, and that he was going to stay.

“I really missed you the past week”, David said, quietly.

“Me too”, Matteo snuggled closer to him, while being careful not to touch his chest.

“It sucked not being able to talk to you. I was so excited, and the only person I wanted to talk about it was you. But, it was my own fault.”

Matteo didn’t know what to tell him. He just pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“My sister wasn’t really sympathetic. Not at all actually.”

“Wait, you told your sister about me?”, Matteo didn’t know why it surprised him. But, it made him feel happy.

“Yeah, of course”, David laughed, “I had to tell her about the guy that was driving me insane in the beginning of the school year.”

“Excuse me”, Matteo leaned on his elbows to glare at David, “You were the one that was being mean to me.”

“You puked on me.”

Matteo was about to protest, but, he had a point.

“Well, I can’t blame you, I didn’t make a great first impression”, he sighed shaking his head. He couldn’t believe how far they’ve come.

“Uh, that wasn’t the first time I saw you”, David said after a few minutes.

“Really?”, Matteo tried to remember if he had seen David before.

“Yeah. You know those pictures Lizzy took of you. She would show them to me”, David explained. He looked away from Matteo, a bit embarrassed. His cheeks were red. Matteo knew which pictures he was talking about.

“Oh, so I definitely wasn’t what you expected?”, Matteo laughed as he asked. David looked back at him again.

“No, you are better”, he said, and leaned in to kiss him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's doooneeeee !! honestly if i ever try to write another multichapter fic, please stop me. i always think i have shit planned out, but then i change it and then i have no idea, and im just A Mess.
> 
> but, i really, really, really hoped it was okay! please tell me what you think?  
also! i have tumblr now and i would be really happy if you came and talked to me? im @sadder-gaze ❤️❤️❤️
> 
> thank you for putting up with me for so long! i hope i haven't disappointed you (too much)
> 
> i hope you are having a great day ❤️❤️❤️

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos are greatly appreciated <3


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